Writing out as a physical process

Writing out as a physical process.

This is the commitment I am making to myself to actually change myself. In this I live and apply my understanding of how to in fact change and transform myself in so that who I become stand absolutely in self honesty and aligned completely with life so that no abuse in any way flow from who I am as the outflow of my being here.

In this commitment, I commit to walking the 7 year cycle of birthing myself as life into and as the physical, This requires a consistent application of writing and applying self forgiveness and self corrective application so that I reconstitute myself in actuality moment by moment where I transform the totality of myself into life within the principle of what is best for all.

I will walk this process in writing and commit to walking my 7 year process of change/transformation which will require a daily consistent application of actually writing self forgiveness/ self corrections to be lived on the points I am facing/working with / transforming as myself day to day.


Exposing Unnecessary Fears in my Day to Day Living.

Tonight after work later in the evening I noticed a part of the text that my boss sent me earlier in the day before I had left from work that I did not give direction to. Fear immediately came up within me and my entire experience of myself shifted in that moment from being fine to suddenly being uncomfortable and possessed by the fear related to this point.

There was a few different aspects to the fear. I forgot to properly cover up some bags of cement before rain had started to fall and to confirm that that was cool before I left for the day.

The rain had already been falling for about 6.5 hours before I noticed that I missed this point so the damage could have already been done.

A question that came up within me is, “Is it necessary to participate in this fear that I immediately went into / became possessed by” in that moment of realizing this missed point?

The point that I see is no. There should never be any reason why one should accept and allow oneself to exist within fear.

No matter what reason I looked at in terms of why I was actually going into fear; they simply were not valid for me to put myself through that experience instead of  letting the experience of fear go.

The physical reality facts is still the way it is. It is more a matter of letting go of the fear attached to that scenario.

This does not mean that I don’t have to be practically responsible for my reality, it just mean that if I make a mistake I support myself to stop all self judgement related to the point and rather just focus on what is required to be directed practically. To fear about it does not fix it or actually make it worse or better. So then what is the purpose of the fear, and is it necessary?

This event also showed me how simple it is for one to overlook or skip-over something that is required to be practically done and how that one tiny point could have quite a big consequence. Today’s point would have literally taken me 2 minutes to direct and in not doing this could have let allot of valuable resources and material get ruined. I did not ignore the point, I simply forgot.

So this event showed me that I am able to be more specific and thorough within my moment to moment application.

Also within this I see that even within the context of this event there is no valid justification for me to “go into fear” or Self Judgement, no matter what the stakes. Fear does not support me at all. The experience of existing in fear is not a cool experience at all and thus there is no reason why I should accept and allow myself to do this to myself.

So yes, this event today brought up this point in relation to fear where I have been looking recently at my own experience of myself and that often my experience of me is not that pleasant and yet, it is me doing it to myself, and so investigating why I would accept and allow me to put myself through experiences within and as self that is really not cool, because that is backwards. Refusing to let go of an experience that is causing allot of discomfort. So I have been investigating this and working on actually letting go of these experiences of fear that is really not necessary to be in.

So there is just a few aspects that came up today.

2012: Earth Hour – 147 Countries prove Global Ignorance Towards Life.

Its Earth Hour!
Earth hour is an event that takes place every year on the last Saturday in March where this year a total of 147 countries are participating in “going dark for an hour” where people are encouraged to turn off their lights for one hour; the event is a Global Effort to highlight climate change.
I have a question
Will we just keep having Earth Hour every single year?

How come we are not implementing a solution so that this event become non-existent?

From my perspective one should in fact be absolutely aware in every moment how ones participation in that moment actually form a relationship with the planet and what affects and consequences that relationship has on the planet.

The fact that we have such a thing like “Earth Hour” is showing that we have in fact completely lost touch with the earth we live on (if we ever had it) and are unaware of how the way we live is affecting and influencing what is here. Or put another way – We are unaware of how what we do, creates what is here.

We must Stop accepting and allowing ourselves to continue existing in such abuse and neglect towards ourselves and our planet and start taking responsibility for ourselves / what is here / our creation.

This has been a process for me to start seeing and understanding “how to live” so to speak. And that we as humanity have essentially lost ourselves in the world we have created for ourselves and have given up on even trying to find a solution. We have completely accepted ourselves as limited in our ability of who we are as life and what we are capable of.

I see this within myself from the perspective of even being able to fathom the point of it being possible to exist in every moment where one is absolutely aware of how ones actions affect the earth we live on. Before I would have thought there to be no way to actually do this. In a way, I understood this point but did not see myself capable of actually being able to become this where I am in fact aware of the earth in every moment so to speak.

Does this not simply suggest a point of Self Awareness?

I see that I have drawn allot lines and thus limitations upon myself with regards to what I am capable of. Now its a process of stopping accepting and allowing myself to limit myself in anyway and rather to push myself to a point of total self awareness.

I understand how this is necessary to end the abuse that we have accepted to take place in this world. Where in I take responsibility for “my every moment” and make sure that my actions in that single moment accumulate into that which is best for all. Or Accumulate into Support, instead of what we have now where our actions and behaviours are actually accumulating into abuse and degradation of the planet and ourselves as life. Hence Global Warming or Wars or Poverty and all the other abusive shit that takes place on this planet.

What I also see is that I first must begin with myself. Where in I stop my own abusive behaviours / relationships and thus when I am living in every moment as actual Support of Life than this is how we individually each do our part to support the emergence of a planet that actually exist in Dignity.

I have found this to be quite a process from the perspective of the vastness of self and how extensive I have accepted and allowed myself to establish abusive behaviours within and without.
I have been walking this process of developing self awareness along side Desteni and other Destonians. The Desteni material has been invaluable in assisting and supporting me to understand myself and how I am actually functioning where I am able to actually start seeing how I able to take responsibility for and as myself In Every Moment!

There is endless material available on the desteni.org site as well as the equalmoney.org site. You can also find countless desteni videos on youtube or take actual Lessons designed to support you to walk your process of self realization self awareness at desteniiprocess.com
Another cool point for those that are curious is to explore Eqafe.com where there is more “exclusive” material and interviews that one is able to purchase to support desteni and support yourself.
Ok but getting back to the Earth Hour Point…
Placing our attention on the Earth for once a year for one single hour is obviously not enough. We must incorporate earth hour into our Every Single Moment for it to be effective. Where in each moment we ask ourselves the question – Is my actions/expression in this moment supporting the continued abuse of the planet or is it practically supporting a change to stop the abuse that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to inflict on Ourselves and The Earth.
So rather than simply spend one hour every year considering this point, I see that this must become an “in every moment” consideration to actually bring forth a solution. Where this become a point of our general awareness of ourselves where we are actually aware of how our actions affect our environment. And thus ensure that our actions do not have a flow out domino affect that support the abuse and destruction of the planet.


2012: Art Studio Process – Taking Responsibility For my Day Moment by Moment

Since the weather has been getting nicer here this last week. For the last 2 days I have been going out behind my studio to the river side and park area and making some landscape paintings. This process is effective at gathering information and understanding as well as reference I can use later in my studio. It is also just a cool process in itself to simply take my easel and supplies outside and make paintings directly from the landscape. I haven’t done this in a while so I had to get warmed up again.

I have found it to be quite interesting to be applying myself in making artwork again, particularly in relation to what I have been walking the last few years with Desteni and basically having now a different approach to how to direct myself within this reality. This approach for instance being developed within, through my participation with desteni and walking the DIP courses and overall aligning myself with the point of taking responsibility for myself instead of my approach to life, which before desteni was really just wandering around in the dark in allot of ways.

I have found doing these landscape paintings the last couple of days to be quite stabilizing for my art practice. Initially when I got into the studio I just jumped right in and started painting and what I am realizing and seeing now is that my approach was more based on trying to skip or take a short cut in a way instead of walking the process from the beginning, step by step in a practical way. I in essence wanted to just start in the middle or at the end and what ended up happening is that I crashed.

What I like about the doing the landscape paintings over the last couple days is that I am able to see the step by step progression that I am walking, instead of skipping the whole development stage and trying to get right to the end which is what I actually initially started doing when I got into the studio. Because of this I ended up with a big massive painting that was too big and I experienced myself as quite lost within it allot of the time and the stability was not coming through in myself or in the painting. I experienced myself as falling the entire time and not really able to grasp onto something solid. So now I have put this aside and getting back to basics – lol

Since approaching making art this time around I am seeing all these holes in my process where before I just saw this as normal and from a certain perspective did not even notice. So now I am seeing all these holes in my entire art making process which are simply not acceptable because why would I allow such points as all that it manifest is limitation and instability. So now I am busy with making sure each point actually connect to each other to form a Whole instead of some points just hanging there and not connecting to anything. This will ensure that I don’t end up painting/walking along and suddenly find myself standing at a gaping crevasse with no idea how to get to the other side. It is interesting that I allowed these points to exist before. Thus I am now busy with making sure each point is connected effectively and there is no more gaps or points that lead to nowhere. .

So with these landscapes that I have doing the last couple days there is an aspect of stability that is coming through with them which is cool. One aspect of this is that I can see the progression of them. I have decided not to rush them either. I am starting with quite a small scale and just working with this small scale until I am directing every aspect and part of the painting on a small scale. Once I can do this with some consistency it will be more natural for me to move to a bit larger scale. So in essence taking a more practical approach to getting my painting process moving in the right direction and on a secure foundation!

When I first started with these smaller paintings I had to kind of “feel it out” and was getting to know how to do this kind of painting again. I had a basic foundation which was cool so started from there. Slowly but surely with each passing painting I could see how my movements within the painting was becoming more directed. I see/realize the point is to make sure that every single moment/brushstroke is 100 percent directed and to not allow any “I don’t know” brush strokes or “I am not sure” brushstrokes.

Because this implies that I am not directing myself within understanding but allowing the mind to interpret what I am seeing instead of seeing conclusively and deliberately placing what I see on the canvas. So this has been quite interesting because as I have moved along, my direction in each successive painting has been getting more specific and more directed and I have been able to actually see how each brush stroke connects with the next.

This is also quite a fascinating point within the context of process because this is how one live there lives daily where ones day is essentially made up of multiple moments all stringing together to “create your day” each moment has a relationship with the next moment.

So from this perspective I see/realize how I am able to practically apply my “experience” within painting to my life so to speak and vice versa.

The point is to not accept and allow any moments to just go unattended to or undirected or unseen, because in the end you have an entire day and if you basically left some moments during that day “unattended to” than that means that they still form a relationship with the other moments around it and are a part of your total accumulated day.

So for me it is to direct myself to take responsibility for every single moment during my day.and likewise with every brush stroke of my painting

In the paintings the moments or brush strokes I did not take responsibility for ended up turning out as a glitch and it kind of fuck with the painting, like for instance “hey that’s a cool painting of a tree…but whats that weird mark in the corner?”

So my direction is to push for clarity within each moment. “Why am I making such a decision” for instance in each moment. “How does this related and connect to the other moments and in relationship what is this forming and creating?”

Within my life, the painting I am forming as the relationships I am directing myself to create/connect is the painting of what is best for all.

Within this I am first getting to know myself and how I function. Here I am also supporting myself to make sure it is ME that is making my decisions where in I am seeing in every moment WHY and I am directing myself the particular way I am and how this will related to  the other moments in forming what I am directing myself create which is ultimately a world that is Best for ALL.

Initially I am working with myself so that I can start to see why and how I make the decisions I make and to ensure that each and every decision I make is specific and towards the outcome of supporting myself to get to know myself effectively and creating a world that is best for all.

So it is to refine my movement within my day and make sure I am HERE in every moment, and am Accountable for every moment, exploring, and learning how to direct myself practically in a way that is best for all. In a way that the moments forming relationships with each other will accumulate what is best for all.

This for instance I can take back to my world practically where in I ensure my phyical actions and decisions provide me with practical support necessary within the context of the system to ensure I am stable in my world and able to continue with supporting myself within the DIP courses and what we are busy with with desteni.

Or making sure that my actions/moments will lead to an outcome where I will end up with having a stable income. Or for instance ensuring that I am directing myself to write effectively as a tool to utilize to get to know myself and seeing more specifically what is actually going on inside me and what really goes on “behind the scenes” in my mind as I “make decisions” and live my life.

So this has been cool the last couple days doing these paintings outside and seeing this point about taking responsibility for every single moment/brushstroke where I make sure that I am placing each brush stroke deliberately that will have the accumulated affect of forming the picture before me that I am painting.

So each day I walk is like a painting and thus I realize that the point is take responsibility for each moment of my day so that I am in fact Directing my day and directing myself instead of just randomly living.

One tiny painting about 3 by 5 inches I am finding has hundreds of moments/decisions/brushstrokes. This shows the degree of detail and specificity that is actually available for one to really start directing themselves every moment. So its like really breaking down how many moments exist in ones day and making sure each moment is accounted for.

Thus the same with my day. To direct myself to take responsibility for every moment and ensure that everything I am doing has a purpose. Each moment is a specific decision or actions or direction of myself to ensure I am creating a world that is best for all.

Otherwise we just end up with a world that is a mess and total chaos. A world that might pass as a nice picture but there is still so many points that have been left unattended that went “under the radar” so to speak, instead of us directing every single aspect of everything that is here to make sure all points and all parts have been taken responsibility for.

One final point is that what I see in the paintings is that it is in fact a progression – I did not get it perfect the first time and so thus to not expect this with my life either, but likewise taking it day by day and just keep practicing keep pushing and keep directing myself to become more clear and more specific within moving myself within my day.

One final clarification I want to place here is with regards to the actual Direction of my Direction so to speak.  I have made a decision to walk “what is best for all” where this  principle of “what is best for all” is the foundation of my Direction.

I have decided to take responsibility for myself which imply that I must actually understand how I am actually created my world and creating what is here within this world.

I realized this is necessary because of what we are currently accepting and allowing to exist in this world which is at it’s root based on really not giving a fuck about this world or about each other at all but instead just fighting amongst ourselves in competition and greed until eventually we completely destroy ourselves if we haven’t already done this.

Hence making a decision to walk a process of self correction and re-aligning myself to actual LIFE within a point of actually Honouring what is here as Life and put an end to the abuse and suffering that we are all currently creating as Life..

For more perspective on the process of standing up and taking responsibility for yourself visit


For information on the in’s and out’s of what an equal money system is and how such a system can be implemented in this world to support all beings on earth visit


To get started with the Desteni I Process to assist and support you to walk the process of taking responsibility for yourself visit



Childhood Fear – Being Grabbed by a Vampire

Childhood Fear.

Being grabbed by a Vampire.

I remember this time I went to our shed at night time to throw a bag of garbage in there. It was dark out and we lived in the country so there was trees surrounding me as a walked through the yard to the shed.

I remember I experienced a fear within me of something grabbing me. Its interesting because It wasn’t like I was an avid believer in ghosts or demons or something like this, but at the same time there was still this fear coming up within me in certain situations and this particular situation was one of them.


I remember when you used to open up the shed door at night it was black inside and you could not see in there. So this was quite scary as I feared something would jump out from the darkness and grab me and pull me into the shed, so when I took the garbage out I used to just open the shed door and toss it in there and quickly close the door.

This particular night I remember going back to the front door of the house where there was a light on and as I approached the door I started to move faster and faster as I just wanted to make to the door safely and there was this fear growing inside me that something might be right behind me and grab me at the last second!



2012: My Art Studio Process – Day 3 : There is no Secret Ingredient

I am continuing with my Art Studio Process Blogs where by I am writing on my experiences and points that come up in relation to my process of working in my Art Studio this month.

So far since being back in a studio for the past 3 days it has been interesting to see different points coming up again that used to be a part of me/my experience in the past as I participated within this whole Art Point and being “The Artist” and playing this entire role. Because that is just it, “The Artist” is actually a kind of Personality that one construct and participate in. A suit that one put on, an ‘idea’ that one “take on” as oneself and live the entire ‘role’ of “The-Artist”. Yet it is not in fact real, Particularly within the context of who one is really existing as, and what really goes on inside self. When one look at what actually goes on inside one’s mind, it is far from the idea one creates about oneself as “The Artist” or any other Personality that one live out. Sex, Money, Competition, winning, Survival, jealousy, do I look good in these clothes… This is who people actually are and no matter what personality you project and act out, We are all the same, Walking Egos only concerned about ourselves, concerned about surviving, Not seeing and not caring about the millions dying around us everyday. Our personality software does not included in its programming anything to do with the people that die daily of starvation…unless you are walking some saviour philanthropist personality –  thus these apparent unique personalities we have are really quite delusion when one realize that we are all just concerned with the same Self Interested shit as everyone else and if one is self honest would realize that “greatness” cannot exist within a world where so much Suffering and Abuse gets completely ignored.

“The Artist” is not real. Being/living the Artist is simply another way to separate ourselves from each other trying to become something more, something exalted. I see this as trying to superimpose value onto yourself without actually living self value. It is like a short cut. We take on these personality suits as a way to create a fictional perception of value instead of actually valuing ourselves though honouring life and ourselves in fact by walking/living what is best for all in every moment. If we actually value ourselves we would not require to try and build ourselves up all the time by creating special ideas about ourselves as being some superhero with special abilities.

I even seen this point come up today as I painted and I noticed myself starting to generate this idea about myself and about my art being unique and special…Though when I really stand back, it is just a picture depicting some stuff hanging on a wall, nothing miraculous like is so easily able to be perceived.

This is a point that I trapped myself within previously as I walked the whole art point. I projected “special value” onto art I saw. I remember going to Italy and looking at the Art Works by the Master Artists and I was in search for that magical special ingredient that I believed actually existed and is what made a masterpiece a masterpiece. I had a similar experience to this when I tried out meditation and would sit and close my eyes and trying to relax ….like the spiritual guru who stresses himself out because they really really want to be relaxed and zen like.

Though Humanity is really good in believing in shit that is not there – This may be an indication of how we are able to continue living day in and day out believing that “everything is ok” meanwhile the world and our lives are all falling apart around us.


I have realized that  there is no special meaning or value or ingredient that makes a masterpiece. It is literally just pictures on walls which we have attached special value to but that obviously is not special as how can specialness exist in a world where we watch human beings starve to death on the television and then switch to see who’s on the red carpet and seeing the score on the game.

And so the same with the Art that I make. The point is not to create and project some special value onto it that is not really there. That is delusional, that is Ego. Or to, through the Art, by projecting special meaning onto it, create an idea about myself as being unique and special.

I am me. I am who I really am, I am what really goes on inside me. The truth of me, the real me that exist underneath all the beliefs I have about myself. Thus the point is to not create ideas about myself but get to that real stuff of who I am exiting as and work with that. That real shit that we ALL are, no different from one another.


So yes, I noticed this point of me going into this point of projecting special value onto the art I have been making where I perceive it to be something special. Like the singers who go to audition for American Idol or some show like that and they believe that they are good at singing but when they get to the audition, it turns out that they are actually not able sing, (from a technical perspective) yet they themselves believed they were great at singing? At least that is what I was seeing when I would watch some of those auditions – Though in relation to what I am doing with the art – The point is to not project onto the art something that is not there at all, and in this keep it practical and keep it physical. A painting is not going to magically save the world. Unless of course you believe in Ascension and 2012 and being saved by some miracle, then you might still believe in the whole art thing, that “Art” actually really exist, when “Art” is in fact “Ego” as it is just an idea of values and meanings created and projected onto stuff.



2012: My Art Studio Process – Day 2


So I went again to my Studio to work on some paintings. To recap; I arranged to rent/share a studio space with a friend of mine so that I could make some paintings for an Art Fair coming up in 15 days. Yesterday was my first day in the studio and I basically did allot of prep work and getting everything set up and ready to paint.

So today I went back again to continue working. I have a few ‘ideas’ that I’d like to get done before the Art Fair but I will just have to take it one day at a time. Since I found out that I would have a studio I started keeping track of the ideas that come by placing them in my sketch book. I have never really done this before.

It is quite cool to be moving this point again. It has been soooooooo long. One main difference this time around is related to my participation with the Desteni Process. So my ‘approach’ is different. Last time I had a studio and was making paintings I was completely trapped in the ego and competition and for that matter, actually believed in the Idea of ‘Art’ – lol.

Art is just an idea, meaning – It is not real. Yes pictures and paintings and sculptures are real. It is the specialness and uniqueness and value that we project onto them that is not real. In art school everyone was trying to be “the next big thing” For me it was about chasing and pursuing the point of painting a masterpiece, though I had completely externalized and separated this point from myself and believed that to do such a thing would require some miraculous magical ascension of sorts – I was chasing after that magical point. Trying to find it, searching relentlessly for it, believing that there was some kind of Key that would unlock everything, (Kind of like how Politicians Promote themselves as being the ones to come a fix everything) . It was like I was racing after the treasure, wanting to get to it first. For me this treasure was this idea that I could paint a masterpiece and that to do this I would have exalted myself beyond the mear abilities of man and somehow transformed myself into something godly and superior and that my life and my experience of myself would forever be happy and wonderful and meaningful.

So it has been cool to have the opportunity to do some painting again. It is much more stable when I am not in a panic to become something. Or chase down and find that magic solution that will fix everything. Thus I see here the point with my Art is the same with my process with myself in that it simply requires consistent application and attention and thus will develop, equal and one to this.

In my past with Art I was trying to become something great, This time around the point is Equality. To simply assist and support myself in All ways possible to walk my process of transforming myself from a walking Ego only interested in Myself into a being that honour and respect life and stand Equal and One to all that is Here as Life.

It is not about being “better than”. It is about utilizing the tool of Art to support myself within my process of equalizing myself. And this is actually a cool point that I am seeing as I begin with this process of making paintings again. The point of how I can in fact use Art to assist and support myself with my process of Self Transformation.

One point that is quite clear at this stage is that my Art is always a reflection of Me. Thus it isn’t really about the Art per se, meaning, I cannot just try to make a ‘better’ painting. Before it was all about making the greatest painting, but I did not understand what this actually entailed. I did not understand the process of Self Correction or what I have learned within walking with desteni the past years.

I see now that the point is always self, meaning, I am not really working on paintings per-se, I am working on myself, and the painting is simply a reflection of who I am. Thus the point is to support self to stop the ego, and actually get to know and become aware of myself actually. And so push this point of “becoming real” so to speak.


2012: The Concise Version of My Day


I was up early this morning to go and do my snow removal route as it snowed last night. I got up at 5:30am because I prefer to get started on it early.

I was experiencing a slight anger/depression as I went about doing the route, like a general disappointment within my experience of me. I finished the route in about 4 and half hours to 5 hours.

Then I drove around trying to get into this coffee place to get a latte but the freak’n road had no way of getting in there…so I just looked at the shop as I drove by on the highway with no way of getting into the other lane..lol. So I decided to just go home and do the whole coffee thing later.

Plus I have been going out to get coffee as a point of just changing my behaviour patterns to not just stay in all day but doing the coffee thing as a way to “get out” more.

Though today as I put in the brown sugar and stirred the cream into my Double Americano I was thinking that “I really must actually sit down and stay in the shop a while instead of just getting my coffee and then leaving right away which is what I usually do, because to just leave isn’t really changing my pattern – Staying would be me actually changing my pattern.

So I took a seat along this bar table along the window and read the newspaper as I drank my coffee.

I have been reading/watching a bit more news lately as I have been wanting to incorporate some of the points in my Artwork. I have rented a studio space for next month and so will for the first time in 5 years have an actual painting studio to work in! So am preparing at the moment and just doing some research of some subjects/contents to base some of the art on, and thus have been investigating some of the current events of the world to base my work on. It is almost disorienting to try and make sense of the news and connect all the dots of how fucked up this world really is. War, Starvation, Oil, Rebels, Bail-Outs, Austerity Measures, Occupy Wall-Street, Income Disparity, Extreme Household Debt Levels, Corruption in Politics, Sexual Assault, Suicide Farmers, Suicide Bombers, Poor Education, Poor Middle Class, Poverty, Obesity, Slave Labour, Holy Wars…and the list goes on and on and on.

In the midst of this of course, The Oscars, The Royal Wedding and the Score from the game last night.

So The Media I find is like going to a carnival or something. Its like everywhere you look its chaos and you never know who’s side of the story your getting.

Its nice to have the foundation point of being aware of an “Equal Money System” as a Solution to Stabilize me as I read through everything because one begin to see how so much is simply based on money and that capitalism as a system is part of the problem, this, not being seen by media, politics, or anyone in the system where instead everyone is looking at it from the perspective of “how do I fix capitalism”  basically trying to come up with solutions to save a sinking ship and not yet seeing an alternative to what is here such as Equal Money System.

So being aware of equal money as a solution is actually an anchoring point for me to go and sift through everything and not get lost within it all.

I had to laugh as I sat there in the coffee shop because a person pulled a seat up beside me and actually had a sketch book and was drawing. I was only sitting there in the first place to deliberately direct myself to in a way force myself to interact with people more. Turns out this person had just gone back to finish art school after a hiatus from art altogether. So I chatted a bit and then headed home.

I was a dizzy again today. I have had this dizziness come up this past week and it came up today again so when I got home I decided that I would lay off the computer screens a bit and I just put on one of the Atlantian Interviews from the Series on Eqafe.Com, turned out the lights and listened to that…well I more just fell asleep but it was cool as I just laid there and breathed and listened to the interview and that helped stabilize me from the dizziness.

So that is the concise version of my day.



Ok, Stop putting off Blogging.

I have been putting off blogging for a while this month. I Haven’t really known what to blog about but see that this is more related to how I am applying myself in my process, meaning when I am not applying myself and actually working with myself within writing, self forgiveness and self correction there usually is “nothing to write about” where when I am more working with myself it is easier to write blogs.

I got a speeding ticket today. That’s the first one I have gotten since starting driving here in the city a couple years ago. There was actually a point of relief within me just to get it over with where now I have finally gotten a ticket and can stop wondering when and if I will get one.  (lol)

I had just left my house and was heading out get a coffee. When I got the ticket I was actually “talking out” point about this new phone I got and basically I was looking at this point where since buying the phone  I was finding myself to be very distracted and divided within myself so was looking at what the ‘F’ is going on that when I got this phone suddenly my world is just not stable so I was debating/deciding whether or not to return it as being a possible solution for me to just stabilize myself again…and then I see the flashing lights of the police car.

When I got the ticket I actually did not react to much. I was driving 82 in a 60 zone.

I found though that getting the ticket pushed me more to have a look at what the fuck is going on with myself in my world. I mean having this whole experience with my phone and experiencing myself as quite disoriented and divided this week, and now to get pulled over by the police and get a speeding ticket, its just like WTF. I really gotta have a serious look at “what’s the point”

I decided after I got the ticket “Fuck-It. I will return the phone.” Turns out I can’t because I already used it more than 15 minutes. I actually didn’t want to return it but was kind of stuck in this point of seeing that my instability was somehow related to me getting this phone so just decided to go ahead and see about returning it.

After getting home from not being allowed to return my phone I started writing. I usually write each day but some days my writing is not much and does not really do anything, but these events today in a way pushed me to actually write out some of the points that was busy swirling around inside myself and see if I could support myself to stabilize myself in by directing myself to “get in there” more with my writing.

I found I was a bit more stable after writing and once again see the invaluable support that writing can be as a tool to support oneself in ones day to day living.

I have not blogged much this month and so can even see a link between this point and the instability within myself that had come up this last week. Both in relation to simply not giving myself the opportunity to stabilize myself within writing and also due to having things pile up and pile on top of each other when you procrastinate in doing something where I this point of fear start to emerge within me about “oh no, will I have enough time to get my blogs done this month” instead of just having directed the point so that it is more of an expression instead of an obligation which occur when one procrastinates.

Ok I will leave you with a practical support video giving some perspective on what one can expect or sometimes encounter with regards to facing ones world and getting things done.


Time Management – Walking In Space Time Physical-Breath