2012: My Art Studio Process – Day 2

  So I went again to my Studio to work on some paintings. To recap; I arranged to rent/share a studio space with a friend of mine so that I could make some paintings for an Art Fair coming up in 15 days. Yesterday was my first day in the studio and I basically did allot of prep work and getting everything set up and ready to paint. So today I went back again to continue working. I have a few ‘ideas’ that I’d like to get done before the Art Fair but I will just have to take it one day at a time. Since I found out that I would have a studio I started keeping track of the ideas that come by placing them in my sketch book. I have never really done this before. It is quite cool to be moving this point again. It has been soooooooo long. One main difference this time around is related to my participation with the Desteni Process. So my ‘approach’ is different. Last time I had a studio and was making paintings I was completely trapped in the ego and competition and for that matter, actually believed in the Idea of ‘Art’ – lol. Art is just an idea, meaning – It is not real. Yes pictures and paintings and sculptures are real. It is the specialness and uniqueness and value that we project onto them that is not real. In art school everyone was trying to be “the next big thing” For me it was about chasing and pursuing the point of painting a masterpiece, though I had completely externalized and separated this point from myself and believed that to do such a thing would require some miraculous magical ascension of sorts – I was chasing after that magical point. Trying to find it, searching relentlessly for it, believing that there was some kind of Key that would unlock everything, (Kind of like how Politicians Promote themselves as being the ones to come a fix everything) . It was like I was racing after the treasure, wanting to get to it first. For me this treasure was this idea that I could paint a masterpiece and that to do this I would have exalted myself beyond the mear abilities of man and somehow transformed myself into something godly and superior and that my life and my experience of myself would forever be happy and wonderful and meaningful. So it has been cool to have the opportunity to do some painting again. It is much more stable when I am not in a panic to become something. Or chase down and find that magic solution that will fix everything. Thus I see here the point with my Art is the same with my process with myself in that it simply requires consistent application and attention and thus will develop, equal and one to this. In my past with Art I was trying to become something great, This time around the point is Equality. To simply assist and support myself in All ways possible to walk my process of transforming myself from a walking Ego only interested in Myself into a being that honour and respect life and stand Equal and One to all that is Here as Life. It is not about being “better than”. It is about utilizing the tool of Art to support myself within my process of equalizing myself. And this is actually a cool point that I am seeing as I begin with this process of making paintings again. The point of how I can in fact use Art to assist and support myself with my process of Self Transformation. One point that is quite clear at this stage is that my Art is always a reflection of Me. Thus it isn’t really about the Art per se, meaning, I cannot just try to make a ‘better’ painting. Before it was all about making the greatest painting, but I did not understand what this actually entailed. I did not understand the process of Self Correction or what I have learned within walking with desteni the past years. I see now that the point is always self, meaning, I am not really working on paintings per-se, I am working on myself, and the painting is simply a reflection of who I am. Thus the point is to support self to stop the ego, and actually get to know and become aware of myself actually. And so push this point of “becoming real” so to speak.  

Put On The BRAKES!!! – Our System is Not Working.

About a month and a half ago I was driving down the street and noticed a slight ‘wobble’ when I applied my van brakes. It was quite slight so thought I would test it out a bit to see if I was deluding myself or if there was actually something going on here with my brakes – I mean, it could have just been a bumpy road. But over the next few days it was clear that there was something “out” with my brakes and I likely would have to get them checked out. I didn’t have any money at the time, and it was not too noticeable so thought I would continue driving the van and pray to the heavens that the van will miraculously fix itself. Humm or hope for aliens to come and fix my van...lol. Anyways I was definitely in a tight spot because I simply did not have the money to fix the brakes and so I just continued to drive the van with the brakes acting funny. It was not a cool experience as each time I applied the brakes, they would shutter, and make “not cool” noises like grinding etc, and this got worse day by day. And so now to go and drive my van, I like cringe inside myself and spend the whole time attempting to come to rolling stops so that when I apply my brakes my coffee doesn’t spill all over in my cupholder from the “shuddering” of the breaks, making the whole van vibrate. So here is a perfect example of how the current system does not actually support human beings within it, but leave them to fend for themself, and if “something happens” like for instance the brakes going out on your vehicle and you are not in a position to pay for that than basically it is too bad for you! I had also started a new job so was required to drive daily to my job and thus required a dependable vehicle to get from point a to point b. I mean the entire system is designed in many ways where individuals must actually drive to their jobs. So yes, basically this experience has not been a cool one of first noticing the tiny wobble which has now been about 1 and half months ago, to getting to the stage where I took it in to the mechanic to ask questions, because that is all I could do at that stage is ask about it and get a basic price because I just did not have the money to fix it, and then to continue driving around, waiting for my tires to fall off or my brakes to fall off in the middle of driving down the highway, so actually quite of bit inner stress and tension related to this point, which could have been completely eliminated if I simply had money to go in immediately and correct the point. And so now tonight I have phoned a co-worker to ask for a ride to work and I will now have to come up with a temporary solution as fixing my brakes is still even a month away, though it has gotten so bad, that I am no more able to drive my van until I get them brakes fixed. I mean this is serious shit too if you look at it – These are my brakes...You NEED Brakes on your vehicle, so this is a practical safety issue where I am not in a position to direct the point as I do not have sufficient money at the moment, yet “there is nothing I can do” from the perspective of “the system” considering this point in any way and having provisions for such scenarios I mean “who cares if your life or others are at risk” – In our current system - If you don’t have money than Life simply does not matter. So Best to start considering these points of how our current system does not support LIFE but in Fact Values money more than life itself – as shown by the example above (or must I mention those dying by the second due to the neglect of the system and mankind). I mean MONEY should have Absolutely NO say – It is practical common sense that you ensure that each being has effective support in their daily functionality period! This basic consideration has nothing to do with money – Yet we have made it so, and thus we require to change how this system operate to create a system that actually consider life and not money. Within an equal money system this never would have happened. If there was a problem like this that come up, one can go immediately in to fix the point as to ensure that no further consequences occur, like for instance now not even knowing what else is messed up because of driving on bad brakes for 1 month past the point when they should have been already fixed. Our Current System is Simply NOT PRACTICAL. It is not considering all the practical points. So this has been quite an experience for me to see yet another aspect of how our current system is simply NOT WORKING, or looking at the actual practical points to be considered for an actual dignified functional living environment for all and why an Equal Money System will actually transform points like this, so that if anything occur with your vehicle, it is not a matter of money to get it fixed. You will simply be able to immediately get it fixed. The system actually is Holding itself Back, and in fact impedes the expression of those within it, instead of nurturing and supporting ones expression and movement within it. Such a fuck-up is our system. Thus Support an Equal Money System as an equal money system is actually taking into consideration the necessary points to create an environment which will actually be, not only, much more effective and functional but also which supports the expression of the being – I mean, after all, should this not be what life is about? Actually living and expressing ourselves. So what have we created a system that punish us, that stand in our way, that create barriers and limitations and obstacles. Thus we require to take a serious look at this, and also a serious Look at OURSELVES to see what we have accepted life and living to be. I mean afterall we did create this system, thus it is a reflection of ourselves, revealing that it is time to seriously reconsider what we are considering as human beings because what our current system show is that that we are quite delusional if we insist that a persons safety and well being should be dependent on them having money. Thus we must change ourselves and in doing so change the system of abuse which reflect who we actually are and how we actually exist within ourselves. Support Equal Money System as a system which value life, common sense, what is Best for ALL , and the actual dignified effective living of beings.