Tag Archives: stop

Put On The BRAKES!!! – Our System is Not Working.

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About a month and a half ago I was driving down the street and noticed a slight ‘wobble’ when I applied my van brakes. It was quite slight so thought I would test it out a bit to see if I was deluding myself or if there was actually something going on here with my brakes – I mean, it could have just been a bumpy road. But over the next few days it was clear that there was something “out” with my brakes and I likely would have to get them checked out. I didn’t have any money at the time, and it was not too noticeable so thought I would continue driving the van and pray to the heavens that the van will miraculously fix itself. Humm or hope for aliens to come and fix my van...lol. Anyways I was definitely in a tight spot because I simply did not have the money to fix the brakes and so I just continued to drive the van with the brakes acting funny. It was not a cool experience as each time I applied the brakes, they would shutter, and make “not cool” noises like grinding etc, and this got worse day by day. And so now to go and drive my van, I like cringe inside myself and spend the whole time attempting to come to rolling stops so that when I apply my brakes my coffee doesn’t spill all over in my cupholder from the “shuddering” of the breaks, making the whole van vibrate. So here is a perfect example of how the current system does not actually support human beings within it, but leave them to fend for themself, and if “something happens” like for instance the brakes going out on your vehicle and you are not in a position to pay for that than basically it is too bad for you! I had also started a new job so was required to drive daily to my job and thus required a dependable vehicle to get from point a to point b. I mean the entire system is designed in many ways where individuals must actually drive to their jobs. So yes, basically this experience has not been a cool one of first noticing the tiny wobble which has now been about 1 and half months ago, to getting to the stage where I took it in to the mechanic to ask questions, because that is all I could do at that stage is ask about it and get a basic price because I just did not have the money to fix it, and then to continue driving around, waiting for my tires to fall off or my brakes to fall off in the middle of driving down the highway, so actually quite of bit inner stress and tension related to this point, which could have been completely eliminated if I simply had money to go in immediately and correct the point. And so now tonight I have phoned a co-worker to ask for a ride to work and I will now have to come up with a temporary solution as fixing my brakes is still even a month away, though it has gotten so bad, that I am no more able to drive my van until I get them brakes fixed. I mean this is serious shit too if you look at it – These are my brakes...You NEED Brakes on your vehicle, so this is a practical safety issue where I am not in a position to direct the point as I do not have sufficient money at the moment, yet “there is nothing I can do” from the perspective of “the system” considering this point in any way and having provisions for such scenarios I mean “who cares if your life or others are at risk” – In our current system - If you don’t have money than Life simply does not matter. So Best to start considering these points of how our current system does not support LIFE but in Fact Values money more than life itself – as shown by the example above (or must I mention those dying by the second due to the neglect of the system and mankind). I mean MONEY should have Absolutely NO say – It is practical common sense that you ensure that each being has effective support in their daily functionality period! This basic consideration has nothing to do with money – Yet we have made it so, and thus we require to change how this system operate to create a system that actually consider life and not money. Within an equal money system this never would have happened. If there was a problem like this that come up, one can go immediately in to fix the point as to ensure that no further consequences occur, like for instance now not even knowing what else is messed up because of driving on bad brakes for 1 month past the point when they should have been already fixed. Our Current System is Simply NOT PRACTICAL. It is not considering all the practical points. So this has been quite an experience for me to see yet another aspect of how our current system is simply NOT WORKING, or looking at the actual practical points to be considered for an actual dignified functional living environment for all and why an Equal Money System will actually transform points like this, so that if anything occur with your vehicle, it is not a matter of money to get it fixed. You will simply be able to immediately get it fixed. The system actually is Holding itself Back, and in fact impedes the expression of those within it, instead of nurturing and supporting ones expression and movement within it. Such a fuck-up is our system. Thus Support an Equal Money System as an equal money system is actually taking into consideration the necessary points to create an environment which will actually be, not only, much more effective and functional but also which supports the expression of the being – I mean, after all, should this not be what life is about? Actually living and expressing ourselves. So what have we created a system that punish us, that stand in our way, that create barriers and limitations and obstacles. Thus we require to take a serious look at this, and also a serious Look at OURSELVES to see what we have accepted life and living to be. I mean afterall we did create this system, thus it is a reflection of ourselves, revealing that it is time to seriously reconsider what we are considering as human beings because what our current system show is that that we are quite delusional if we insist that a persons safety and well being should be dependent on them having money. Thus we must change ourselves and in doing so change the system of abuse which reflect who we actually are and how we actually exist within ourselves. Support Equal Money System as a system which value life, common sense, what is Best for ALL , and the actual dignified effective living of beings.

Investigating this point of Discipline Further.

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Investigating this point of Discipline Further. I see that I have not been living this point of Self-Discipline, which is why I would then exist within a point of projection/desire towards the “Desteni Farm” (Mentioned in Preceding Blog)Because when I was on the farm, this “point of Self-Discipline was from my perspective being lived much more by me. So the farm represented that actual potential of one actually being self-empowered and can actually create oneself into a highly effective being within this reality – And that is the point that I am not at the moment living within my own world. What this entail specifically is that I desire to actually change and transform myself, and to become an effective being within process. This process of myself started to emerge while I was on the Desteni Farm, though I do remember I experienced points of dissatisfaction within myself towards “my application”. At the moment in my world this Self-Change is not being lived. It is only being Desired to be Lived. So in Essence this point of Self-Discipline as I have determined as “the point” is The Key to Self Change. So contained within this point of Self-Discipline there are different aspects of “what this entail” or who I would become if I lived this point of Self Discipline. I am seeing a point of “worthiness” now coming up with regards to if I were able to change myself that I would be worthy. And I would actually be satisfied with myself as I would be an effective being. Here also with this point of Self-Discipline and Self-Change is the point of ‘Perfection’. Which again I am not living, and that also the same as Self-Change is related to the base point of Self-Discipline as the point that is the Key so to speak to bringing forth both of these aspects from the perspective of “a point” that I require to walk in order to, in essence, actually be satisfied with myself and which will Support me to Stop the desire and projections that have been coming up lately with Regards to Being on the Desteni Farm. The point to walk can be encompassed Here as walking Self-Discipline. A point which I can walk as a focus point to assist and support me to actually change, to actually be creating myself, and perfecting myself in such an application where I actually enjoy myself and am proud of myself so to speak. And am worthy in my own eyes so at the end of the day I look back on what I did, and do not regret that I was not effective enough, because I actually am, day in and day out, living the point of Self-Discipline within this process within my world, within myself, to the degree where I am satisfied with me and do not allow myself to go into points of despair or depression, within and towards myself. I see the point of Living this Self-Discipline within a “Physical Application” where in I cannot just say for example, Live 21 days Self Discipline, I mean what does that entail? From a Physical Perspective I can Live 21 days of blogging, because that is a physical measurable point. And within the point of Living Self-Discipline I see the necessity to ensure that I am living this through that which can be measured, through my Physical Application or Actions. So in essence Self-Discipline in itself is not tangible though within living Self-Discipline I focus on that which is tangible, that which can be measured. This way I ensure the changing and transformation of my world, where my “effectiveness” then is a physical application of self which can also be measured and is not some idea, but and actual physical manifested point so to speak. If I look at my application of self on the Desteni Farm I see that I applied myself in the physical much while I was there, where my Self-Discipline was based in my actual physical movements, for example, I became more effective in working in the physical because I actually physically placed myself in doing practical physical jobs. I Became more effective in communication because I wrote more, and did more reading, and also speaking more to beings. So it was a physical application of Self-Discipline which Supported me to actually See Results. An actual accumulation of Self where I was actually changing myself so that I became more effective within my world, my actual physical world, and seeing experiencing results. Seeing the Change of Self. I See that this process of creating oneself actually takes years and years of constant and consistent self disciplined living action day in and day out, thus it is not to have to rush this application as that is not the point at all. I mention this Here as I see that I have the tendency to become possessed by the point of Haste/Hurrying within my attempting to live Self Discipline so am placing this here as I see in order to get myself effective within this point that I will have to “sort out” this point of accessing Haste/Hurry, as this only ever lead to me to being ineffective, and crashing instead of simply Living the Point of Self Discipline as myself, Here within and as breath, consistent and constant as this what I see will support most effective in my application. Self Discipline is not Rushing, it is normal application. I do not have to move faster, but rather just apply myself more consistently in the practical points that support me within perfecting self and perfection my world.

Writing Out My Day – Slowing Down to Direct Points More Effectively

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So sitting in my bed and listening / hearing the wind outside my window blowing in some clouds. It will most likely snow tonight which means I will be up early to do the “snow removal circuit”. I am actually looking forward to it. I actually enjoy doing the snow removal, I enjoy the experience of the quiet mornings as well as clearing the snow from the walks and driveways, carving a nice clean segment out of the snow to reveal the cement underneath. Its satisfying. Also will see if I can “move” this whole point over the weekend as there has not been much snow this month yet, so will see what kind of ‘movement’ comes out of the point. Meaning I will see if I get any phone calls or new contacts over the next few days. Someone e-mailed me today about a potential contract that seemed quite perfect. Though e-mailed back telling me that he hired someone else but if things don’t work out he will hire me. I experienced in that moment instantly a negative charge, I did not “go into the point” and simply let the energy go through me so to speak, and not dwell on the point. It was an “obvious reaction” point and saw no point to “go into it” rather just let it go. That was one of the first contacts since a “changed my add” and so in way am still looking to get that first client to prove to me that the add is in fact effective. So walking through this point of trusting myself to in way “Re-Walk” the point I just walked over the last month and gather some more clients. And not allow fear to paralyze and petrify into a point of taking no direction or making no new changes. Still busy setting up points of income generation in my world. I have eased off of the art /graphic design point for a moment though will see if I push it or not. Tomorrow I am expecting a call from furniture assembly place to meet up for an interview so will see what happens with that as well. I noticed the point today where I want and desire my world to move quickly. Where I try and move my world with my mind, instead of simply remaining here, breathing, and realizing that the physical only move at one pace directly in relation to ones physical actions within ones world. I see that at times when “things aren’t happening” I experience anxiety emerge, like “I should be doing something” and still have not completely sorted out this point from the perspective of Trusting Myself within my application to Trust that I have taken necessary direction and must simply wait for the point to play out, meaning, the result does not happen immediately but is bound the rules and movements of space time. Also noticing this point in relation to my forum / internet / writing / vlogging etc...work. I noticed today that I was ‘trapped’ in a kind of rushing through each point, wanting to get allot done. I realized that “what is the point”. Meaning I can do 10 things halfway and at the end of the day have nothing done, and really have missed windows of opportunity to actually give points that come up direction because I am only giving them a small amount of attention, as I find I am “stretched across” doing multiple things at once, but in fact am actually really doing nothing, but glazing over everything. So from this perspective the correction is to focus on 1 thing at a time, and simply take on that point from the perspective of it being the only point you are going to do that day. Within doing this I give the point my full attention Here. And give the point direction into completion. Then when the point is directed, I move onto the next one, instead of spreading myself across 10 different things at once. So have to Flag Point this one, and simply direct myself effectively in that which I am doing in the moment giving the task at hand the focus and specificity it requires to actually be directed effectively.

Daily Writing – Oct 14 – Where is My Stablity

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Where is my Stability. Over the last week I have experienced myself as anything but stable. Existing in fears, worries, concerns, judgements, self judgements, wonder, speculating, projecting, wanting, desiring, hoping, helpless, scattered, basically, I was just not stable. It was as if I was not able to “ground myself” and end up getting carried away in what ever it was I was doing. The Solution which comes up in relation to this point is Breath. Breathing and focusing on Breath as a stability point to support me in coming back to earth. I experienced myself at times as if I was slipping, and or scurrying to keep up with those that were ahead of me up on the mountain top, and I simply was sliding way down the mountain side frantically attempting to get a grip somewhere and grasp onto something to be able to just keep up. I found that I simply was unable to calm myself down, to keep myself stable and would end up going into these energetic experiences as well as experiences as if I was speaking about specific things and even though the words were coming out of me it was as if they weren’t grounded in anything. Like I simply could not get to the bottom of myself. A point of Stopping. So why is it that I have not yet been able to establish a foundation for myself and an application of self that will actually stand stable no matter what happens in my world, so that I do not get carried away. It would be a cool point to do an SRA session on this point to look at the priority point of fear which is causing or the core point at the moment as to why I have been not able to earth myself or ground myself here in every moment where in I am silent with myself. There was much going on within my mind with regards to work and how things were/are going to unfold. Though the point I am looking at here in this moment is establishing myself as Here, so that no matter what happen, no matter what occur I am Here, I am stable, I am Here as myself and can simply direct myself in common sense, instead of getting caught up in knowledge and information, and fear, and thoughts and pictures etc. So I am going to explore this point of breath, and of simplicity. Because I see that I really require to find a stability point within myself, one where I do not go into comparison, into wants, into needs, etc, a point which will support me in earthing myself and remaining here as Breath. I was reading Viktors blog and he mentioned a point about the earth “not having a judgement about a particular decision that one make” the earth is simply here. And also in discussions with Marlen where she was mentioning the point about establishing oneself in the moment, in each and every moment, where ones application is here in the moment. What I see within what she was saying was that the solution so to speak, is always here, is always available, and that that solution, that stability, and ability for one to remain here in common sense clarity of self in simplicity is Here where one focus on what is here in the moment and not go into projections as such and that who one is is their starting point in every moment, so to simply look at this, and trust oneself within this. I mean I have watched countless videos and heard many times the point of ones ‘power’ being in ones breath, in the moment. I mean I noticed that I attempt to create systems and structures to attempt to stabilize myself and have not yet gotten to the point of actually establishing myself within the breath as an actual real support point where I can actually stand stable. I was forced into a kind of silence today. I simply crashed. After I woke up I had a headache and so decided to sleep it off, after 3 hours of sleep, I woke up and proceeded to work, but the headache was still there, so Laid back down, it was quite uncomfortable, after another hour or two I got up and the headache had released, I was grateful and experienced myself simply within a silence, I had in a way just stopped. Just gave-up on trying to “get everything done” So that was cool to experience myself as silent and stable for a moment where I had stopped. A cool reference point. So the question that came up was, How do I remain here in and as this silence, where I am actually here and present in that which I am doing, and not caught up in my mind where in I am really only half here, and simply am unable to slow myself down to a silence to actually be effective with what I am doing and how I am applying myself. I mean I was ready to carry on, to just keep trying to plough ahead, and not realizing to the extent that I was completely lost in an energetic experience of a kind of frantic, survival application and just not able to slow myself down. I see this point being related to money. Where a fear emerge within me and take me over and direct me, even so that I am not able to anymore make a practical decision. Its like I just lock myself into this fear, it is quite extensive. So simply forgive myself for the point. I am here now so I can start again. I also experienced allot of comparison towards others, and judgements towards myself like I was not doing good enough, so here too also is another kind of survival lock-in mode. So the point here is to stop. So I am grateful for the headache from the perspective that it ‘forced’ to just f-ing stop. My body assisting me here. So now to reconsider why and how it was that I was so easily carried away. It was like a striving and pushing just took me over, there was no real slowing down, but rather day by day a kind of ‘getting lost’ and just attempting to grasp onto some point that is stable. Ok so the Breath, why the Breath, Because the breath is simple. The breath is simplicity, and so there is no attempting to become something or achieve something, or wanting or yearning, or speculation. It is just breath, a physical breathing in and out. There is no right or wrong in breath, there is just breath. Within this point also I see the point of “The Physical” where again, there is no judgement within the physical. It is simply Here, and I am here too as the physical as my physical body, though I have created an idea about myself as “being something” other than this, when if I look from the perspective of the physical, I am equal to it and to all others as the physical as we are all physical bodies here as an extension of the earth and this universe as a physical existence.

Self Forgiveness – Stop Creating my Self, rather, be myself

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to each day believe that I am not doing good enough. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly attempt to ‘be more’ because I have not accepted myself as who I am, and simply express that. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am wasting my time. I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself as who I am currently existing as, from the perspective of letting go of the desire to ‘be more’ or do something that is ‘more’ or ‘better’ than who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be dissatisfied with myself as who I am, and how I live my life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel each day that I have not done enough, and within this struggle nearly every day of my life, to live in such a way that I get enough done in that day, and I discover points about myself in that day, so that I can be satisfied with myself and accept myself, instead of living in self acceptance NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what I do or do not do, or find out, or do not find out about myself, but simply accept myself in every moment. Why I am not satisfied with myself. Because I feel like I am not doing a service to humanity or existence from the perspective of supporting to the degree that I will be satisfied with. Because I do not understand existence, or rather, that I do not accept my level of understanding. This brings up and interesting point – that at times I find, I want more, I want to know more, I want to be more, I want to be capable of more, yet, I have not even become effective with what I do know, understand, and am capable of.  I have not become effective with who I currently am. So it’s a point of ‘forgetting’ simplicity. From the perspective of taking who you are, or who I am currently, and working with that, and not requiring to know more, or be more, in order to be effective, but first, get effective with who I am currently. So the point is, I do not have to become something I am not, I simply have to express me. Allow myself to express me as who I am and who I am naturally. Not trying to be better or more, but take who I currently am, and apply that, so to speak. And within this become effective with who I am. So it is not to look “out there” for that ability to “be who I desire to be” in so that I will be satisfied with how I live my life,  but to accept myself, and be myself, and express myself So what is self expression then! How I will be satisfied with my life, if I express myself in self honesty. Because I will be effective in supporting others, Then what I say is not a lie, if it is me expressing myself in self honesty. And I will be satisfied because I will then no longer be misunderstood, because what I express, and what I express is me in fact, which cannot be disputed. With being myself, I do not have to rush, to be somewhere else, or become something. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself within writing, because I am attempting to move as fast as possible to build myself up as fast as possible, because I have not accepted myself. And within this not yet having accepted myself, I strive to create someone better, someone who is satisfied. And thus, within attempting to create this ‘someone’ I ‘rush’ through everything to hopefully, finally arrive a point where I am someone I want to be, and than within this can finally rest for a moment and be here. Instead of stopping, and accepting myself in this moment, and within this allow myself to be here in this moment. Here as in, not needing to create myself into something better, or more, not requiring to get everything done so I can be satisfied with myself. You cannot create yourself, you are yourself. So not matter what you do, you are not actually able to create yourself. Thus you do not change, ever, nothing ever changes, change is an illusion. I have always been who I am, and I always will be this.