Tag Archives: rush

Self Reflection on Consistency and Constancy

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I have a sore throat at the moment. I haven’t experienced a sore throat like this in a while so it is a ‘new’ point. It is not overly painful or anything like that. It is just a bit tender and scratchy. I have been busy the last few days, and have been pushing myself to be more busy. Though within this I have realized that I must do this in breath otherwise I will crash, or fall, or end up in a battle with energy, attempting to fight energy and that I have found is not cool and not sustainable and not ‘constant’. So I have been seeing this point of breath, and Here and the physical as a cool reference point the last few weeks and have been focusing on slowing myself down so that I can actually start getting myself effective within my world and within this reality and actually live that which I up to now have ‘wanted’ to live but have not yet been able to practically live in fact. And this is simply to be effective within my reality and within myself. It is not to do something amazing or anything like that, it is just to be effective. I mean if I cannot be effective within my world in my application then there is no point of taking on anything else, so it is simply a point of getting myself consistent within my application and effective in my basic day to day tasks. I realize that I have to stop, that everything and anything I do is not going to be effective unless I am Here. So have been really pushing myself to slow down and get Here. And so push past my accepted and allowed energetic boundaries, doing this by not allowing myself to focus so much on energy. Obviously it is to stop energy all-together as I see it but for the moment I realize that it is still a process. So I have not been able to be totally here the last few days. I see it like this... Like a treadmill, you can run and run and run and run and really work up a sweat running your ass off on the treadmill, but you actually never get anywhere. Rather Stop, and be Here, which means to step onto solid ground (the physical)and walk And then you actually move, and you do not have to run and race, because even in simply walking you cover much more ground than you ever did running your ass off on the treadmill. I find when I am Here I am calm, but the last few days I have been in a bit of anxiety to and towards my world. Like over what might happen in the future or this week or tomorrow and making sure everything is in place. So I have been focusing on physical movement so I don’t get to the end of the day and think, “oh I wish I would have done that” though I have noticed that at the end of the day I still experience myself in a kind of rush to get each thing done, and so this is where I see the point of me not being here, as long as that little ‘twinge’ of ‘hurry’ and ‘rush’ exist inside of me, I am not Here. Writing Self Forgiveness I found with the Self Forgiveness that I was writing within the SRA course on mind constructs there was quite a bit, so I experienced a point of “a deadline” and found I tended to rush to meet this deadline instead of being Here when I wrote the Self Forgiveness. Pushing to hard – I see I am doing this. I am pushing to hard, and this indicate I am moving and directing myself within and as and from the starting point of fear, as fear is the reason I push to hard, as “I must move” and it is that ‘must’ which is the point of fear and anxiety that “I am not doing enough” And so this is where I see the sore throat point coming in. As I am over extending myself trying to cover to many points at once instead of giving myself enough time for each point and then focusing on that point, and doing it and not allowing me to become distracted by the mind and go off on these little mind holidays, but rather focus on the task at hand, and direct the necessary physical points to complete the task and then move onto the next task. If something takes to long there is no point in going into fear over it as this only indicate that you/I am existing from a mind perspective, as within the mind, any “change of plans” is like the world ending. I see that within my world, I jam pack all these points tightly together in a day and think ok I am going to get this stuff done today, but I experience myself as if I am always “right on the edge” meaning ‘one little slip up’ and that’s it, my world will crash down. And from a certain perspective this is true. This is how I have accepted and allowed myself to design and create my world, where there is no room for one little mistake because if this happens the chain of events might lead to me end up missing my rent or something like that, so this is a point with regards to how I have created my world. I noticed this before so it is cool to see this point again and realize Ok, I must direct myself within my world in such a way where I give myself some “breathing room” The way I see to do this which I have discussed before is consistency and constancy. I mean if I can just remain constant in my application , that is like walking here in breath all day long instead of spending half the day speeding on the treadmill actually getting nowhere. I see consistency and constancy and more like nature, like the tide coming or even more, like snow. Snow is fascinating because when it is snowing it can be this light fluffy stuff coming from the sky and you just observe it and it falls, it does not rush onto the ground, it simply falls and slowly but surely it accumulates. So slowly you can almost not even see it accumulate. And then in one single night as you sleep the accumulation of the snow – not rushing – but just falling flake after flake brings an entire city to a halt and then there is a massive amount of attention and energy that must then be directed on this point. So slow and steady

Moving Through Self Doubt – Remaining Here and Sticking to the Physical

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I experienced some doubt coming up today. This ‘doubt’ I experienced was in relation to the current project I am working on with regards to doing Logo Design. I have started with making my own Logo and have enjoyed the process of this and have been working on this now for quite some time, probably over 60 hours so far over a period of around a month. I had/have it at a stage which I am satisfied I can start placing, but then when I opened the file today and looked at it, I judged it and was not satisfied anymore and experienced a drop within myself because I was so close to having this ready to go and start to be able to walk the next stage of the preparation phase which is to place an add on my local job listings site advertising the service at a discount rate from the perspective of simply attracting some projects where I can “gain experience” or rather “fine tune my process” as this sounds ‘safer’ to the client, and so yes place it as a “special Limited time offer”. But today when I looked again at my Logo I was not entirely satisfied and even considered another “re-design” which is like much time and effort and so I experienced this point of Self Doubt coming up, like “this is never going to work”. I experienced a point of failure as an energetic experience of failing in the centre of my solar plexus / chest and experienced myself giving up. Other points also emerged as I continued to research this point on the internet to see how I will place all the points, and so as I researched began to doubt myself around my experience level. So the correction Here is to stick to the physical. Ok so I have gotten to a stage where it is not going “as planned” based on my desire which is my energetic projection of how I want it to go, and because the actual physical movement and my energetic projection did not align I went into this experience of “Oh it will never work” though I see the Key is simply to remain HERE. And to just keep walking the physical points. Focusing on the physical direction of the point. I see that this is a cycle, and I am in the “low point” or the stage of the cycle where I would “give in” as going into a point of depression for a while and then eventually starting up with the point again. So rather not go into these cycles. These cycles can go and play themselves out if they want but I will be there. I will be Here directing myself in the physical, so it is irrelevant what energy does as the point is to remain Here. I fell on this point last time and had a little mini collapse and gave up. So cool to see that it is exactly the same point as before clarifying even further that it is in fact just an energetic cycle. So breath, remain Here and direct myself in the physical and do not pay attention to the experience of myself of “not being able to do it” of “doubting myself” I mean in practical common sense, I haven’t actually even tested the point yet so have no actual real feed-back that it is not going to work. But rather just having an experience of doubt. So yes I must stick to Here, and not go into positive or negative energy charges about what may or may not happen, because I see that the only real indication of how things are going must be measured in the physical and so will stick to this and continue to move the physical points as they are still here to be moved/directed.

Investigating What it Means to Be Here and to Be Self Present.

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So I was looking at this point of “slowing down” today. Also the point of how I only have so much ‘tolerance’ to do certain tasks for only so long and then eventually I have to take a break. I have been noticing that my attention span is quite short in that I often “take breaks” and work in “bursts of energy”. What I understand, and am working on correcting is not to apply myself within ‘energy’ which is clearly being indicated that I am doing, seen within requiring to take frequent breaks or only having so much ‘tolerance’ or ‘focus’ to perform a task. Instead of rather applying myself within a point of constancy and consistency where I remain stable and consistent in ones application so I do not crash, or run out of energy or existing within jumping back and forth between the two polarities of getting lots and lots done and then going to the opposite polarity and get absolutely nothing done. Rather I am exploring this point of Consistency as to direct myself into and as an application that Stands, and that doesn’t crash every few days, as so far this has been the case. I have always considered myself to be disciplined which to me meant being able to “get tasks done” and not giving into laziness. Though at the moment this “way that I have always considered myself” is not coming through, but rather only existing as a hope at the moment instead of a living application. So one aspect within exploring this point of how to direct and apply myself in my world so I stop ending up in the “crash” is the aspect of slowing down. So what do I mean exactly by slowing down. One dimension of this is “not rushing” interesting I have written about this point quite a bit and yet here I am again writing out the point again. I find this point of slowing down to be one of the coolest points of my process actually because of the moments where in I do actually apply myself within this point of slowing down, and how I see the absolute power that exist within this point of slowing down and remaining here. It is a point of Self Presence where one is Completely Here in what one is doing, and so for myself have found this to be a point or thee point which I see would really support me within my world, within this reality, and within process. I also see that I have gauged my day where in there is only so much possible within a day, and that from a certain perspective I see that I attempt to do waaayyyy to much, and then there is this “holding my breath” that takes place as I move through my day not wanting anything to interrupt me or get in my way because if I step of track for even one second then I won’t be able to get everything done – I see that this is not Self Presence and Self Here and that this is not supporting me to become effective in my day. So I require to direct myself in such a way that I have ample time to direct each point as if comes up and remain effective and “up to date” within the system where the bills are paid and I am feeding myself properly and things like this. I remember in art school and when I used to make lots of art work that I would eat not very much. And that today as well at the end of the night I was starting to feel hungry and realized that I was in fact neglecting this food point and not effectively feeding myself because it just takes to much time and I am attempting to “save time” by not eating as much or by eating out. So Even Here I see this as a problem and that I should not be within such an application where I am trying to “Save time” as this is indicating that I am behind and within an application of energy instead of just being here within breath.

Investigating this point of Discipline Further.

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Investigating this point of Discipline Further. I see that I have not been living this point of Self-Discipline, which is why I would then exist within a point of projection/desire towards the “Desteni Farm” (Mentioned in Preceding Blog)Because when I was on the farm, this “point of Self-Discipline was from my perspective being lived much more by me. So the farm represented that actual potential of one actually being self-empowered and can actually create oneself into a highly effective being within this reality – And that is the point that I am not at the moment living within my own world. What this entail specifically is that I desire to actually change and transform myself, and to become an effective being within process. This process of myself started to emerge while I was on the Desteni Farm, though I do remember I experienced points of dissatisfaction within myself towards “my application”. At the moment in my world this Self-Change is not being lived. It is only being Desired to be Lived. So in Essence this point of Self-Discipline as I have determined as “the point” is The Key to Self Change. So contained within this point of Self-Discipline there are different aspects of “what this entail” or who I would become if I lived this point of Self Discipline. I am seeing a point of “worthiness” now coming up with regards to if I were able to change myself that I would be worthy. And I would actually be satisfied with myself as I would be an effective being. Here also with this point of Self-Discipline and Self-Change is the point of ‘Perfection’. Which again I am not living, and that also the same as Self-Change is related to the base point of Self-Discipline as the point that is the Key so to speak to bringing forth both of these aspects from the perspective of “a point” that I require to walk in order to, in essence, actually be satisfied with myself and which will Support me to Stop the desire and projections that have been coming up lately with Regards to Being on the Desteni Farm. The point to walk can be encompassed Here as walking Self-Discipline. A point which I can walk as a focus point to assist and support me to actually change, to actually be creating myself, and perfecting myself in such an application where I actually enjoy myself and am proud of myself so to speak. And am worthy in my own eyes so at the end of the day I look back on what I did, and do not regret that I was not effective enough, because I actually am, day in and day out, living the point of Self-Discipline within this process within my world, within myself, to the degree where I am satisfied with me and do not allow myself to go into points of despair or depression, within and towards myself. I see the point of Living this Self-Discipline within a “Physical Application” where in I cannot just say for example, Live 21 days Self Discipline, I mean what does that entail? From a Physical Perspective I can Live 21 days of blogging, because that is a physical measurable point. And within the point of Living Self-Discipline I see the necessity to ensure that I am living this through that which can be measured, through my Physical Application or Actions. So in essence Self-Discipline in itself is not tangible though within living Self-Discipline I focus on that which is tangible, that which can be measured. This way I ensure the changing and transformation of my world, where my “effectiveness” then is a physical application of self which can also be measured and is not some idea, but and actual physical manifested point so to speak. If I look at my application of self on the Desteni Farm I see that I applied myself in the physical much while I was there, where my Self-Discipline was based in my actual physical movements, for example, I became more effective in working in the physical because I actually physically placed myself in doing practical physical jobs. I Became more effective in communication because I wrote more, and did more reading, and also speaking more to beings. So it was a physical application of Self-Discipline which Supported me to actually See Results. An actual accumulation of Self where I was actually changing myself so that I became more effective within my world, my actual physical world, and seeing experiencing results. Seeing the Change of Self. I See that this process of creating oneself actually takes years and years of constant and consistent self disciplined living action day in and day out, thus it is not to have to rush this application as that is not the point at all. I mention this Here as I see that I have the tendency to become possessed by the point of Haste/Hurrying within my attempting to live Self Discipline so am placing this here as I see in order to get myself effective within this point that I will have to “sort out” this point of accessing Haste/Hurry, as this only ever lead to me to being ineffective, and crashing instead of simply Living the Point of Self Discipline as myself, Here within and as breath, consistent and constant as this what I see will support most effective in my application. Self Discipline is not Rushing, it is normal application. I do not have to move faster, but rather just apply myself more consistently in the practical points that support me within perfecting self and perfection my world.