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2012: The McDonalds Mentality of Ascension and 2012

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We like things in our world to be instant, to be automatic. McDonalds comes to mind as an effective  “symbol” for representing this consumerist mentality we have cultivated within ourselves and within this world. To have everything at our finger-tips instantly, like instant gratification, and instant fulfilment. Obviously western culture being the primary example for this kind of life-style and mentality of man with each one busy striving after “the good life” which has within it this McDonalds attitude to “how things should be” believing that this will actually bring that ultimate experience of satisfaction that everyone is chasing. So I was looking this whole idea of Ascension and 2012 and realized how this entire point is so much like  and based in this “McDonalds Attitude.” What to I mean... Nobody knows exactly what processes are at work “behind the scenes” to make available the kind of life-style that are being lived by 1st world countries. It is like this life just magically appears before us and nobody asks any questions or even thinks to ask. The clothing magically appears on the racks, the food magically appears at the first window of the drive through, our food doesn’t come from the earth, it comes from the store We have basically constructed our lives around this McDonalds attitude that just wants everything instantly and has no consideration or awareness for how it actually go there. And this is Exactly what the entire point of Ascension and 2012 is based on. We have all these apparent spiritual gurus in supporting such ideas basically revealing that they are just as McDonaldized as everyone else that supports / believes in such a point as 2012 and Ascension – Basically just wanting some “Magical Solution” without actually considering or caring to consider what goes on in the background – the inner processes/workings of it all. Another point I wanted to bring out here is the whole “Magical” side of Ascension...You know, when I create a drawing or art work there is nothing Magical to it. It may seem like it in the end, but I actually had to walk a process step by step until the drawing or artwork was done. I could explain in detail step by step to another how to do it – Because it was a Real process I walked – Nothing magical, no shortcuts. It is created step by step by step practically in real time. So I am not opposed to Ascension per-se from the perspective of a world that is more effective and harmonious than the one we are currently existing in – I am opposed to our current accepted and allowed IDEA of what Ascension is and how it is supposed to work. It is amazing how many people will approach what we are presenting Here at Desteni as the whole process of self change and also the implementation of an Equal Money System as Laughable and Impossible, and in a way making us out to be insane or something for believing that such a “utopia” could exist I cannot  help but wonder if these same people then turn around and get excited about Ascension and 2012? Because this is the epitome of magical solutions where what we are promoting with Desteni is an actual practical process of self change and self transformation where such points as Equal Money are points to be given practical direction as we walk step by step in bringing forth change in this world. Where we walk every step of the way in awareness of the process we are walking so as to know exactly how we Got there once for instance an equal money system is placed. Total and absolute Self Awareness – No Shortcuts! Because in a way Ascension is like skipping the entire process of change and just getting to the end part! But you have no idea how you got there – Is this like waking up in someone else’s bed after a night of partying and you have no idea who is sleeping beside you? It makes much more practical sense to me to focus on self awareness and self direction than wishing or hoping for some magical experience to suddenly transport you to some other dimension. What is the Ascension Bus does not show up? At Desteni we are not waiting around at the bus stop for some magical solution – We are busy already walking day by day the process of self change and self correction and working towards the development of a world which 2012er’s only know how to fantasize about but have no practical way to actually create it – Is this because they do not like hard work? People want solutions but are not willing to walk the necessary practical application to create that solution and so just end up agreeing with these nice ideas which imply they can just keep doing what they’re doing and something else will save them. So I invite anyone who is interested in 2012 and Ascension to join us at Desteni as we are in a way already busy with Walking a process of Ascension – only we are not interested in short-cuts, or Mysterious leaps in time and space , Or McDonalds Mentality or Magical golden arches for that matter– we are interested in how to Actually manifest / bring forth a world change that is best for all. We are interested in self change and we are willing to actually walk the process of self change and not just want to skip to the end! At Desteni we are making Ascension Practical! Join us. www.desteni.org desteniiprocess.com 2012 Exposed - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrgLFomgsuM  EQAFE - Self Perfection Merchandise to support practical Self Awareness and Self Change

2012: Convincing Myself That I Have Changed.

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I started to notice/become aware of this point about a year ago, where it was something that would come up more frequently where I started to see this point within myself where I would build up or create an idea of myself/ of who I am, only to realize that this idea was not at all who I really was and thus, was just in fact an idea created and constructed within my own mind.

This point has “matured” during the past year where I began to see more and more how I would constantly exist within only an idea of myself (energy)and also particularly an idea of myself as someone who is walking process and in the process of change. When in fact there was very little change actually taking place. From a certain perspective I see this point as being the current predicament we as humanity find ourselves in. We have superimposed an “idea” of who we are and what this world is onto the actual truth of ourselves and this world, which we are not actually able to see, due to us only seeing our projected idea of ourselves and this reality. So for me it has been a process to begin to differentiate between this Mind Projected Self and The Actual Self and to thus stop participating with the Mind Projected Self so that I actually start living Here and working with that which is actually real. This is how I understand it. And obviously all the context put forward by Desteni has assisted and supported me in this process to begin to establish for myself what is actually going on in this reality and how I can approach investigating and working with myself so that it has some actual value. So that it (my life/time) is not just wasted and end up being pointless. So over the last 4 years I have made many many many many changes – But have come to realize and see that mostly all of these “changes” took place only within my own mind. I had believed and perceived myself to be in a process of change but I was really in a process of just first seeing the difference between what actual change is vs perceptual pie in the sky change. Or coming to see what it means to “not change” I simply did not know any better – I had really spent so much time existing as my mind that the mind was the only reference I had in terms of how I had come to assess and make sense of myself and my reality – Thus the mind was where I initially looked to see/assess my process of change. One way to describe it is as the following; “One ‘actual’ change, no matter how small, is worth more than a million perceptual changes no matter how big.” So it took some time for me to actually start to see the actual me. To see that I was not changing for real, but only getting trapped in the mind, within the illusion that I was on the right track Though I guess form a certain perspective I did actually see this “actual me” but I could not put my finger on it. I just felt uncomfortable about the process I was busy with. Because I could see that I was not actually changing, but it was like I was denying that I could actually see the real me and so just attempted to convince myself otherwise, convince myself that I was changing – when in fact there was very little actual SELF Movement and Lots of Mind Movement, Mind Movement having no actual bearing on the truth of myself, on the real self. You can change in the mind a million times and nothing will happen – ‘YOU’ are actually not changing. It is the mind that is busy at work constructing these ideas of Self in this process of change But Self as the physical is Actual Substantial Matter and Form, and to actually transform and work with actual substantial matter is different than simply changing within your mind, or creating / reconstructing the Idea you have of yourself. So this is basically where I am at the moment – Starting to see the actual me down there beneath the layers and layers and layers of perception about who I am that I require to first get through to start to see and work with the actual self. So in a way I have up to this point just been busy getting through these layers and learning how not to get caught up, trapped, seduced, side tracked by these imaginary perceptions of self so that I can more effectively work with “the real stuff” so to speak. So this has actually been quite a cool point to have start coming through because I realize that it does not matter how much I change myself within my mind, or convince myself that I am changing, it is irrelevant. What I must look at or pay attention to is Me as the actual real physical substantial self. And to work with myself at that level, and in a way I have really just begun this or am still even in the process of beginning this. I say this because I still daily suddenly realize – “Fuck I have been in my mind that entire time” I realize that I am a work in progress, that I likely will be working with this “difference” between the Real Self vs the Imaginary Self for some time to come. So I just wanted to mention this point because I have noticed that lately this point has emerged as something that is more tangible and that I am able to “explain” and place into words. Lol – Though I do see how one of the primary ways I have/had ended up trapping myself in the imaginary self is through/within my writing! Where I will go and write something, to discover how I ended up making the writing more about forming an idea or perception in the mind instead of actually assisting and supporting and getting down to and sticking with that actual real substantial Me Here in the Moment within my expression. So also here I am working with this dimension of writing. To  develop more stability in this application so as not to get side tracked by the energy / perceptions of the mind so that when I write I am not just busy constructing some idea about something but that I am really Here with me and actually working with the actual real substantial self /  the physical. And in this supporting myself to become real. I also find one is able to trap oneself in an imaginary idea of self when one is speaking as well as when one is thinking or participating in the mind – Meaning this can happen in writing, speaking or silently – So which is another reason why I wanted to mention this point today because of how “easy” it is...or at least how easy I have found it to get lost within myself in some perception of myself that I constructed either in writing or in the words I spoke or just within thinking/participating “silently” within my mind or any combination of these. So I will continue supporting me within breathing, writing and self forgiveness to make sure I am walking with me during my days and not floating around somewhere in the mind. For Further Expansion on the Point of the "Idea Self VS The Real Self" Please See Video Interview- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B531BWrLN4Y&feature=player_embedded www.desteni.org. www.eqafe.com

Writing as Self Support – My Fingers have a mind of their Own.

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Ok, I am going to pick up on a point that I came across while writing last night which was the point of directing myself in relation to energy from the perspective of “energy” and “experience” of self, being the starting point of self movement. For some context Here is a quote by Bernard Poolman: “your real life on earth move by actual breath as time --from the first breath to the last breath - and breath determines the effectiveness of living on earth. The less you are aware of breathing, the more you will live in a system world where life is not honored and things like money will drive you. The more you live by breathing as timekeeper, the more you will notice the kazillions of nonhuman beings on earth.” So with regards to the point I mentioned above, this quote by Bernard Poolman offers a context for how one “should” direct and move self – That being rather by/within breath instead of as/within the mind as energy. Basically what I was looking at last night was that how there always seemed to be a kind of “anxiety” within myself that pushes me in this direction or that. Within this I found I was much less effective in what I was doing due to what I was doing being subject to this anxiety/energy/experience of myself that constantly push me and influence my moment to moment expression as living application. This point actually showed itself this morning as well as I sat down in front of the computer to write. I was simply sitting down to write as a point of self support. To just direct myself to write as a way to support me to start being able to see myself and become more aware of myself where in writing is a tool to develop self awareness and also self stability. Self stability from the perspective of supporting myself to slow down within and as myself and not spend all my time existing in the mind or in some experience of myself that is influencing me where I end up feeling like I am just along for the ride with no directive principle at all, with no ability to be deliberate and specific and directive within my expression what ever I might be doing, because there is this kind of force pushing/forcing me along and in this I end up skipping over things and rushing things and not being as specific and deliberate as I could and thus within a greater context end up creating and manifesting my world from the starting point of skipping over things, rushing and not being specific – thus this has implications that flow out into the very creation of my life/world/ as my immediate surroundings as well as the world as a whole – lol...Ok getting back to the point. Today as I sat down to write, I shot “out of the gates” like a race horse blasting towards the finish line. My fingers hardly keeping up. It wasn’t long before I lost track of what I was writing and everything became like one long drone or run on sentence where I experienced me as not really supporting myself in the writing anymore due to this point of feeling a bit “out of control” like my fingers and what I was writing had a mind of its own. So this is showing me that how I am more existing in mind in my world and that when I go to write, the mind attempt to assert itself as the governing principle of me – though what I have found is that the tool of writing supports in stabilization of self in by supporting the slowing down of self even though initially “out of the gates” or in other situations the mind attempt to position itself as the dominant directive principle, so yes, it will not be an automatic correction but like anything I see simply requires consistent application for effective support. This reminds me of a conversation I had with Bernard while I was in South Africa. This conversation was quite long, somewhere between 1 and 2 hours. During the discussion one of the points that was mentioned was how when I speak it’s like within myself my mind races way ahead and I end up trying to keep up with mind and in this my communication is not effective. I always enjoy seeing people who are very stable in their communication where they are “Here” within each breath as each word they speak and their mind is not just racing a mile a minute inside themselves going all different directions, but rather it is like they are stable and here and silent. In this their communication is much more effective and stable. So in essence this morning I see the point was “my mind” racing a mile a minute, and instead of stopping and slowing myself down, I ended up initially getting caught up with trying to chase down my mind or keep up with mind as it just races all over the place. For me that is one of the points in using writing as a tool to support me – The point being to assist and support myself to slow down and stabilize myself within me. So I am not constantly running around in my mind. And so in writing I can take the opportunity to slow myself and make sure I am not running/chasing after the mind but that I am here and specific and directive in the placement of my words. So will see how this develops – it has been a point that I have been working with since I started process – which is cool in itself because before process I had never even herd a practical description of this experience that was happening inside myself to be able to support me to even know where to begin to correct the point and become more effective in my communication and writing – So yes, the point I work with is stopping the mind/energy and rather writing from the perspective of being here as Breath. To reference again, this time a segment of the above quote by Bernard Poolman: “The less you are aware of breathing, the more you will live in a system world where life is not honored and things like money will drive you.” So when I started writing this morning I was not aware of my breathing and ended up being directed by the “system world” where I am “driven” by points other than Self.  Which is what I started this document off by writing about – This point I came across last night which was how I was seeing that I always seem to directed or influenced or moving myself in relation to some energy or experience of myself and rarely am I simply here directing myself within and as breath as a point of Self Direction – Self direction does not require energy or experience or some kind of anxiety to push self to move, but is rather Self moving, directing self as a Self Expression. So I can just continue to support myself through writing and developing the point of slowing down and also identifying such moments when I end up “trapped” within my mind, within the system world and being directed by this where there is like this kind of energy pushing and influencing me like pushing me through something instead of me just walking through a point breath by breath with no urge or pressure experience within myself to quickly get to the finish line.   Links: 2012 - New 21 Day Breathing Challenge - Interview done on utilizing breath as practical self support Desteni I Process - Self Development and Leadership Course Desteni.org   Support Products and Merchandise available now at the EQAFE.COM   Freedom Blogs  - Read Blogs by many destonians who have dedicated themselves to practical self support through writing regularly on various differen       No 1. Beginners - Thoughts, Writings, and Self Forgiveness - Covering here the basic points that self will face as one’s Conscious, Subconscious and Unconscious Mind in initially starting walking one’s process of facing the Mind as self      

I turn into a Zombie on Saturdays

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I was at work today. Today my mind was rattling on as I was digging this one trench. And also during the day the point came up of the mind wanting to go somewhere else, like going home. I was looking at this point of how at work there is moments where I get fixated on this point of wanting the end of the day to come. Or even like wanting lunch to come. Where the entire time I am working I am looking at my watch or the time for that moment when I can finally break. And I was looking at that experience that occur within me when I get off work. That moment of elation that wash over me as I am finally done now and safe in my car and can drive home. So definitely see that This is a mind point that occur everyday after work, when work is finally done and I have this feeling experience come over me like a momentary high. I see that the point would be to simply walk through that transition without going into an emotional experience of being done work but simply walk through as breath and not accepting and allowing the change in environment to create this experience of self which I give power to. I mean why not just be stable here as self all the time, instead of existing at work within the perception of me as a slave waiting to be free at 5:00pm. Another dimension I was looking at also is that the mind wants to escape points of facing self that we have accepted and allowed and now must face, thus mind does not want to work all day, which is actually a point of walking through what we have created as this world and so at work the mind keeps attempting to run and to escape by dreaming about being home instead of here within and as the task at hand. I was also noticing this in relation to what day of the week it is. For instance today was Saturday and even though it was my first day back to work in a few days I still approached the day like it was a “Saturday” and so I saw this influence point coming up as kind of an “attitude” or accepted and allowed “approach” to “who I am” in relation to Saturdays, specifically when work is involved. I have been aware of this point before from the perspective of simply walking each day the same from the perspective of establishing self within a point of stability where self is not defined and directed by what day of the week it is rather direction/expression of self is determined by Self in every moment, not by some repeating cycle that cycles as the 7 days of the week going through this particular energy cycle. So I I “re-noticed” this point  today. Its like I become this hypnotized by my own definition of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become when it is Saturday. This means that I can/am able to relax more????lol WTF So the other days of the week I am not allowed to relax and I must be tense? Shit that’s interesting because I see that Saturdays I am actually more relaxed due to not feeling stress to work, like the other normal working days of the week. Basically showing me that I am allowing a program to completely determine my experience of self where I am generally more stressed during the week then Saturday I have programmed in that I can be more relaxed so then I do so. WAFU (what a fuck up)  So My Saturday Program means at work that you really take your time and drag your ass, and take long breaks – Its quite strange because even if there is points to direct at work, and there is lots to do, one still  allow the “slack” point to dominate and influence how one move.  And also that this point is unanimously accepted by others so if you decide that you are going to be directive it throws everybody off and you are going against the grain, so just a way how we have all agreed on these particular definitions in terms of how we function within this world and its just accepted and if you do something different you really fuck people’s life up. So This is a point I see I can give some direction to, where I stop adjusting who I am according to what day of the week it is and just direct me within and as breath within a more constant and consistent application of self and stop accepting this pre-programmed reality to determine how I move an function within this world.

Breathe and Let it Go.

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I started my job today. I have been waiting for this day to come up as now there will likely be a transformation of sorts taking place in terms of my normal day to day. So should be cool actually. Simply breath through the transition. And not get caught up in any reactions/thoughts that come up inside of me. I have noticed this lately that if/when a thought, or an emotion, or feeling come up that it is like I have a bullseye on it immediately instead of rather just breathing and letting it go. So no need to give a thought, feeling, emotion, fear, worry, any more value or importance than needed. In fact the point is to not give it any attention/value but to simply just breathe, let it go and continue. Its like the point of “fearing your own fear” like fearing fear that has not even come up yet – lolol. Walking on egg shells. Like if for example one thought come up or a fear or something and thinking its the end of the world, or for that matter, if a bunch of thoughts come up or fears come up, rather than give value to this stuff, simply let it go. And direct. Its like we are addicted to giving our fears value, and are worries, that because this come up inside of us, that we must pay attention to it. So I will work on not doing this. But remaining cool...like even. And rather stick to breath, as in breath there are no thoughts, or worries or feelings and emotions. So stick to breath,simplicity and practical application, and stop trusting a fear comes up over trusting myself. Its like one tiny fear come up then I place it in a projector and project the thing massive like in the batman  movies when they project the batman symbol into the sky or onto a building. So rather than “stop the presses” when a thought comes up or an emotion or feeling,  Simply let it go, give no attention to and and let it whisp away  into nothingness. And continue to direct myself here within and as the physical and stop existing in the mind.

“THE COVE” Dolphin Slaughter – Do Humans Deserve to Live? Change Human Nature with An Equal Money System

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I recently watched a documentary called “The Cove” It is a documentary where a group of filmmakers secretly filmed a ‘cove’ in Japan where every year from March to September around 23,000 dolphins are trapped by fishermen and then either sold to aquariums or “swim with the dolphin” facilities, or slaughtered and used for meat. A live dolphin can fetch somewhere around 150,000 dollars where a dead dolphin can fetch around 7000.00. The documentary shows the course of these filmmakers secretly planting cameras around “the cove” to capture the events that take place within this small cove which is fenced off and basically out of view of the public where the dolphins are herded into and then slaughtered by fishermen who stab them over an over again with long spears until the dolphins succumb to the injuries. As I watched the documentary, it was fascinating to see every detail of this entire operation was being fuelled, motivated, orchestrated, manifest out of one singular point. MONEY! If one remove the “profit motive” from “the equation” then there would be no reason to for such an event to take place at all. I mean these fisherman are not doing this for fun! They are doing it for money. Because it can earn a profit. So that they can get their hands on what has become the “Life Force” of this existence. Money. If you remove the profit motive then the fisherman would not get up in the morning and head to the cove, start the engines of their boats, lay their nets, spend hours stabbing dolphins to death while drenching themselves in blood, and then return the following day to do such things. All of these such acts are in fact being stimulated by money / profit and thus, if the motivation of making money was taken out of the equation the actions would simply cease to continue. The dolphins would rather just swim by enjoying their natural habitat as this particular hunting ground is a natural migratory route of the dolphins which makes it quite a“rich resource” for the fisherman as this is exactly what the dolphins have become in the eyes of the human within a capitalistic environment. In this world, they are not actually seen as beings who are equal to that humans at all, they are seen as a resource for the humans to harvest for profit and thats it. What a shameful thing we humans have become. Within an equal money system events like this would cease to exist as there would be no more profit motivation to go out and get money by whatever means available. I mean why does a dolphin fetch $150,000 in the first place. Because people will PAY to see or swim with a dolphin. It is all about the movement of money. I mean the fact that we are abusing life to this extent on so many levels, like for instance manipulating the desires we might have to experience ourselves swimming with a dolphin where we would put the animal through such horrific experiences, Firstly Herding the being into a small cove by using large boats and nets, to then pull the being from its natural environment shipping it off to some zoo somewhere where it is now held captive for the rest of its life......so we can have our desires fulfilled of “swimming with the dolphins” yet we are so blinded by our own Self-Interest that we someone are able to ignore what goes on “behind the scenes” so we can get our energy fix! Place yourself in the Dolphins Situation. What if that were you! This is why I support an equal money system and for all those who are not aware/familiar with EMS I suggest to check out www.equalmoney.org which present an economic model that effectively extract the “profit motive” from our reality. A profit motive that is the CORE motivating engine generating such intolerable acts as the Dolphin Slaughter in Japan being exposed in the Documentary “The Cove” What is being investigated and Proposed by Desteni is a new Platform for essentially managing our world, where through political means we are able to replace the current “profit based world system” which is actually stimulating such acts as this Dolphin Slaughter, and implement A New World System based on Equality where we as a species actually consider other species within a point of equality and stop training ourselves to see anything that looks different than ourselves to appear as one big flashing Dollar $ign. So for all out there who claim they actually care about animals and the inhumane acts we humans inflict on other beings of this earth I suggest to investigate www.equalmoney.org and the Solution proposed as an equal money system so that we can simply Stop ALL such acts which will effectively STOP under a New Economic System based in Equality. Not from the perspective of anyone Forcing such acts to Stop. Nope. But because within an Equal Money System “Profit Motive” will be simply removed from the equation and thus ALL such acts that are based on the foundation of generating money will also cease to be. Image all the different kinds of Atrocities done by humans for money that will be stopped. Do you really think an individual would prefer spending each day of their lives slaughtering animals if they are not getting money to do it. Within the current world / capitalistic / for profit system we are at the moment managing our world with, we are essentially begging individuals to slaughter animals for money. For god sakes we are actually rewarding these acts with dollars. So suggest to research what we are saying and presenting at desteni in the way of an Equal Money System so that we humans can begin the process of correcting ourselves / forgiving ourselves so that we are in fact worthy of life, and worthy to co-exit on this earth with all the other beings that are Here. Because as it stand now, I am finding it increasingly difficult to justify the continued existence of humans, as we, are the most inconsiderate, ignorant, brutal, and heartless, species currently living on this planet and are definitely causing the most damage to what is here. Thus Suggest to get informed on how to bring about a world where humans are actually able to co-exist with the earth, each other, other species and all that is here, and stop the blatant rape and harvest of our environment as if we are some apparent Gods. We should be ashamed of ourselves, and realize it is time for us to change how we have been interacting with what is here. And one Key, Fundamental component of this change is a world and economic system based in Equality and Doing what is best for ALL that is Here. Equal Money Website - www.equalmoney.org An Equal Money Book is in the Works and Scheduled for release September 2011 - http://equalmoney.org/the-book/ Desteni Website - www.desteni.org

New Job – Preparation

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Before I begin writing this I am going to remind myself here, that what I write, is me. And that what I write becomes me. And what I write becomes my inner structure, and therefore to effectively support myself by writing an inner structural support that Stand as what is best for ALL, and that creates a functionally effective human being within the context of what I am currently facing , what I will be facing and where we are going in process in terms of bringing forth equality, an equal money system, a world that is best for all, and a human being that is dignified, self respected, trustworthy, and self honest. So today I met with my new boss to go over some details of the Job I will be doing this summer, which is Landscaping. I experience excitement and anticipation to “get into the swing of things”, and noticed all sorts of questions coming up inside me that really are only able to be answered in time as I walk the process of the job and see what it is all about, and see where I am effective, and particularly see where I will require to breath and support myself to strengthen my resolve in certain areas. I see one area where this will be required is “afterwork” as the job I will be doing I expect to be quite physical and thus one usually is quite ‘tired’ after work, and so may have to breathe in these moments to be able to continue effectively participating within my written work and desteni process stuff. Other than that I at the moment simply require patients and not get ahead of myself. So Just breath and focus on remaining here and not going into my mind at this stage and creating imaginary worlds of what all will happen in the future to the point of creating anxiety inside of myself. I am looking forwards to the job, and also getting a more consistent routine in place and have money coming in. We have a SnowFall warning tonight for the next day or so, so my “ Snow Removal” job may be going out with a Bang Here, or rather...A Flurry!

Having a Closer Look at my Day – Desteni Process Blog

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I woke up to my alarm this morning at 6am...I got up and looked out the window to see if it had snowed. It had not so this meant I did not have to go out to work, which I was not expecting anyways. So I got back under my warm covers telling myself it was only for a moment. I laid there and allowed the point of possibly falling back to sleep all the while attempting to motivate myself through thinking to get up and out of bed. I eventually got up at 6:45. I experienced anger and guilt. But not allot, where I find the longer I sleep in past my alarm then the more anger and guilt I experience, depending also on where I am “in the cycle” meaning if this is a repeating point then I tend to become more angry and have more guilt. Ok so I was up and was a bit angry with myself but not much I can do about it now. I don’t see, or have found that I am not able to “forgive myself” for doing this, because that would be like trying to forgive yourself “after the fact” for doing something instead of applying forgiveness in the moment to support self to push through a specific resistance. The correction for this point as I have I am sure mentioned before is to simply stick to the alarm and stop allowing myself to short change myself when I see I am capable of doing something. On my way to work this afternoon I decided to stop and get a coffee which I often do when going to work, I noticed as I pulled up into the parking-lot that I experienced a little electrical experience of excitement rising out of my stomach and into my chest area, like one of those “sparkler thingy’s” that you light and they fizzzzzz and shoot off bright sparks all over. This was definitely a positive charge from the perspective of maybe possibly seeing someone that I might find attractive working or being in the cafe, so it is like this aspect of relationship still existing inside of me which “pops up” in moments because I can see that this seemingly small electrical charge that came up is actually connected to the relationship point and sex point. As I walked towards the cafe from my van, In one moment I lost my footing on the ice and nearly fell but adjusted my feet in time to catch myself before I fell. I experienced my ‘ego’ come up immediately and showed me how extensively I was/am existing within my ego personality from the perspective when I slipped I experienced embarrassment as now my ‘image’ of who I was in that moment existing as completely shattered, as in that moment I was cool and collected, and serious, and professional, and precise and surely do not slip on the ice and flail my arms all about to try and re-gain balance. So it was a physical movement point here to in how I move within my specific presentation. Such a fuck up as the “Flux” I experienced as movement as embarrassment was quite allot from my perspective which indicate the degree I was not Here but rather existing as an ego, and I am seeing to also how this become more prominent as I go out in public. Upon entering the cafe I experienced immediate relief within myself, like a point of inner relaxation come over me as I noticed it was a male working the till, as I experienced fear that there may be an attractive women working the till. This is actually quite an odd point. Ok so I experience excitement within myself that I might encounter an attractive women. But then I go into fear over this point to the degree where I tense up and am no longer myself at all, and then when seeing it is a male working the till, I completely relax and am able to “be myself” otherwise I would just be this robot locked in fear if it were an attractive women. So yes obviously this point requires specific direction so that I no longer have this reaction at all to women but rather get to the point where I am not longer controlled by this point but that I am directive, here, myself, with no matter who. I Got my coffee and went, I did not tip, felt a slight negative charge, guilt, what will they think that I did not tip. Coffee was perfect. I was pleased and looked at the person who made my coffee thinking he is experienced at his job and is stable in making the coffees and so got a cool coffee. When I got to work I again experienced that slight excitement within rising from my stomach into my chest, this was due to a worker that I have not yet met but only know of and wondering if today maybe I will meet this person and what she might look like. So same point as before, relationship and sex. In these moments I simply breath and do not go into the point. Sometimes I go into it but I realize the point is to simply not, to breathe and just breathe and support self to remain here with and as self and stop all participation in energy, this is the understanding that I apply. You know, what goes up must come down. I am seeing this point now as well within my writing here from the perspective of writing from and within the starting point of energy where in if I build up all this energy to write a blog and then launch myself into it, it is like this rolling ball of momentum until the energy runs out and then the blog is over. Rather I see the point of being constant and consistent within the point of writing where I support myself by not accepting and allowing myself to go into energy when I write as what goes up must come down. So within this I can support myself in my process as I do much writing and have been exploring this point of remaining Here within and as the physical as I direct myself within my world and in this case writing as a way to be more consistent and not “burn out” all of the sudden. So will be cool also to just expand this point and identify all the moments and points within my world where I access energy and to stabilize myself here by rather than moving within my day within and as energy, I direct myself within and as the physical and stick to the physical and breath as I walk. It is quite interesting to see how extensively I have existed within energy in my life as I always considered myself to be “more stable” and not so much energetic but am now seeing that I live much of the time within and as energy, and so to step out of this “existing as energy” has been cool, and from a certain perspective has only just begun. This entire reality is based on energy, on positive and negative and so will be pretty cool to see how it goes in terms of walking the process of “stepping out of energy” from the perspective of being directed and moved and influenced by this but rather where one direct oneself Here as Life as the practical consideration of what is best for all. So it is a change in principle so to speak, from the principle of directing myself according to energy, to directing oneself according to what is best for all.

Environment Changing me is Not Actual Change.

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I was looking at the point of what we as human beings require consequence to change. Or why we has beings, as individuals require consequence to change. Now the reason I place it this way as I have noticed this point within me where I rather than actually will myself to change my nature I rather let it play out until I hit a consequence which will then bring me to a point of actually making a ‘serious’ consideration to change my application, my participation, my nature, my behavior, myself. I place the work ‘serious’ in quotes because even though when there is a consequence I must face which then “push me” to consider change ‘seriously’ I see that I have/had not yet gone deep enough or taken this point seriously enough because what I find is that I don’t actually change. But “forget about it” until the con-sequence come around again and it is the same point over again. So no matter how hard I look or take seriously the point of change, I end up forgetting and back to the same ol’ patterns. And even saying to myself to watch out for forgetting because I have been through that before, yet end up forgetting. When I left the Desteni Farm I was a different person. And what I have found is that since being back in Canada I have really faced myself. Because now from a certain perspective I am in the “Matrix”, lol, that sounds so epic, lol. So Here is how the story goes. I create myself within and in relation to and along with my environment for 26 years. Then, I am taken from that environment and placed into a completely new environment on the Desteni Farm. Then I start to apparently change which is all fine and cool, and I spend two years in this new environment and experience myself differently in that for this two years I participate within the world not like I had previously. Ok cool so now there is some “change occurring”. Then take me out of this new environment and place me back in my old environment and what do you suppose happens. I go back to how I was living before – So what does this show me. That I in fact had not changed. From a certain perspective there was a process of change occurring but within looking at the point I see that this was more of an external change where I was more changing in response to my environment as a kind of from the outside moving inward kind of change. So when the Environment changes then I change, seeing as how the “Change” I experienced on the Desteni Farm was largely from the outside in. I mean if would have taken a point on from the very centre core of myself and changed, more from the perspective of changing me from the very starting point of me...well not “from the perspective of” but rather had actually in fact gotten to the very beginning of me then it would not matter where you place me, and what environment I am in as the change that would be occurring would be from the inside out, and thus the change would be actually be a Self Change. So in many ways this is the point I am seeing with regards to how I have attempted change and that no matter how serious I am about it that I always end up forgetting, as the change is more of an idea and the one Key Factor I see that I am missing is Knowing who I am and actually living and existing as myself here within breath. Because if I am Not Here, then how is change supposed to happen if I am no where to be found, how then am I supposed to change. So from a certain perspective the point I am busy with now is not “changing” per se but rather ‘getting to self’ and being here with self, living and walking that self in every breath, so I can actually walk a point of change. And all it takes is one second and one moment to flee, to abandon myself and off into the mind, and actually not even realize it. I noticed even today I was not Here, yet I was almost Here – lol. Because when I am Here, I know it, but today there exist within me this “point off in the distance” like “what is that” and so I go just looking out over there, just trying to see what it is out there, and in this slight diversion I miss ME all day. So specific.

Keep it Simple Keep it Stable

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So a point opened up within me just now in reading a post. It is simply being accountable for myself in each and every moment and every circumstance and not accepting and allowing myself to “let my guard down” which is basically me going into my mind. And just letting my world fall to shit in no time at all. This has been a ‘problem’ with me I notice in my application. This absolute point of consistency and constancy. I have noticed that I am sort of consistent and kind of constant sometimes which really just shows that this point is not yet in place. Particularly since getting back to Canada I have faced this point quite a bit in getting my world sorted out, and getting a job, and just the basic practical points of “my life” I see that I tend to go into a kind of submission to the world, and to the system, and just not wanting to do anything, and I allow myself to go into this energy and then I stop being consistent and my world starts to fall apart. Then I pick myself up again and get back to business and am stable for a while but then eventually again this point creeps up and I give-in to “not wanting to do anything”. I see it more a fear and actually a point of Self Dishonesty and Self-Pity and Manipulation where I allow myself to go into “things are just too hard” and I always fall on this point of Directing my world. Which I see if I would actually Fucking Stand-UP in these moments and remain stable constant in my application and also to support myself through these moments using self forgiveness and breath, that I would develop my Self-Strength and effectiveness and would be much more directive and my world would probably “work better” And this is because it is mathematically so, where in I am simply directing more physical points and ensuring the practical points of my reality are moving and directed. The simple shit of basic human living – This is where I “give in” like not wanting to clean your room when it is obviously way to disorganized, not wanting to answer that one e-mail you know you should, not wanting to log online and pay the bills, not wanting to search for jobs online. So it is really the points that make ones world tick, and make ones world move. So I will do this and be able to sustain doing this for a while but eventually I reach that point where I start to strain. And that’s it. That’s the moment where I could make my life a whole lot easier by not making it more difficult. I Don’t actually have to do anything special or profound, but just keep consistently directing the basics of my world and actually remain constant and stable and effective and HERE within doing this so that I do it effective and not just enough to make it go. Keep it simple keep is stable