Got up this morning, at 7:30 I experienced myself as more stable than the day before. So I am slowing down and getting back to simplicity. At the moment just focusing on self here and stopping thoughts, feelings, emotions, energies, urges, positive, negative, and just using self here as breath as the reference point. I wrote some this morning about this point of stabilizing myself. I realized that I was quite lost over this last week, and it was an eye opener to see how simple it is to end up going off into the mind, and just getting trapped up there. So I am stabilizing myself again, getting back to simplicity and getting back to breath. Just me as the absolute simplicity as the reference point. I drove into town today and decided to buy some more display stuff for my art sale coming up in a few weeks. I have enjoyed creating “little products” out of the work, and packaging it up nice and presenting it. Its cool. So I will see what kind of response I get this time at the sale, I never sold anything last time, so see if the “new packaging” as an influence on the people. I made a drawing today...finally. I have not done much drawing at all since getting back into Calgary. I started with a few previously but then just kind of let the point fade away again. So it was nice to sit down and do some drawing. I experienced myself as calm. I will find out tomorrow if I get the job on the horse ranch. That will be nice to have that point sorted, and then I can start arranging for either doing that or getting on and finding another job. Either way it should not make a difference. I have been looking at this point today, of how one place value in certain things, in what one does, and who one is with, instead of living Value as themselves, as who they are as the starting point and source point of their world. I see still that I have placed value in working with animals, and also with being out on a ranch, where it will be quieter. The obvious deception that I noticed is that believing that “this will solve all my problems. What do I mean by this? Well, in my current world, things aren’t just flowing along, all fine and dandy, I am in fact spending much time alone, and still have not really got the art point moving as a point which I am assisting and supporting myself with yet, and I am still finding that there are inconsistencies within my application, as well as energetic points which I have found myself to be struggling with, and also the point of just remaining here, effective within my application of writing, internet work, drawing, reading, and points like this that I have at the moment the opportunity to take on. I saw the point today of how I allowed myself to believe that by moving onto the horse ranch that “things would be different” in a way where I would be able to “get things done” so to speak. I realized that in fact the real point is here, not there, the real point is not in moving to some other location. I inevitably will simply create the same shit, and the same patterns and the same points to deal with. So in this I see that the Solution, the corrective application is actually Here in my current world, where I take these points that look like they simply don’t want to move, and I “apply myself within them” I mean, why wait to direct certain points in my world. Take the art point for instance. It really ‘seems’ like this point is just not wanting to work here and that I have met with some resistance so to speak with regards to this point. Its like there is an energetic block with this point and with others, and so I simply see that this is the perfect opportunity to actually Stand-Up within these points, and give them direction, and push through the resistances and energetic blockages. The will not just go away on there own, I will actually have to direct the points myself. So I noticed that point of where I was existing within a belief that, if I were to move, that I would then, be able to be effective within my world, instead of pushing and directing me here in specificity and self will, and actually get this world, my current world I am in to function effectively, and direct the necessary points so that the world I am in now works. And not try and hide from it and believe and perceive that my fully optimal functional effective world of when I am really standing and effective in my process is out there somewhere. Its not. If I want an effective world, I have to make this world effective, my current immediate world and it will always be this way. Here is the Key, the power so to speak, this is the point that I have been exploring today. The point of HERE the point of Breath, as being “where its at” this moment right now as I write here, is the moment where my power is. So other than that I had a pretty quite day. Phew, Was nice to just stop and see myself again. I see the point also of accepting myself as silence. Its like I am just so used to “having something going on inside of me, that when there is ‘nothing’ so to speak, I believe that there should be something, instead of allowing myself to embrace this point of ‘nothing going on inside me. Like at the moment, there is not allot here to write about, so I will stop here.
Ok so this point just came up inside. It rose up from within my stomach area, it came up as an energy, and electrical current charge where I almost wanted to hold my breath. This point was fear. Fear about my job. Fear about the commitment that I would be making. The fear is related to staying on that ranch for two years or even longer. Now I am experiencing like a weakness inside of me. So this fear came up in considering this point. Its related to “how constructive will this be” and its also related to the point of committing myself to something for another. I see the point here of this fear being related to compromise, where I would end up staying for along time out of ‘obligation’ so within this point/memory, It is the point of taking something on, and then even after seeing that it is not working, continuing to remain within the point and not enjoying myself. So its a fear of not enjoying myself and feeling trapped in a way. So what is the core source point of this, Do I have a memory I can reference with regards to a similar point where this occurred in my life. I am seeing this point related to the experience of myself “on a small scale” where I have countless times in my life, committed to say, going out to a party with friends, or going to hang out, only to realize that I really don’t want to be there, and in a way just going along with it and wasting hours of my time, and existing in a kind of guilt because I was not directing myself. I used to have this experience extensively when I used to smoke pot. I used to really enjoy getting high. But I always made sure that I had everything in place first from the perspective of art. I never mixed marijuana and making art, and so if I got high at school, or like my friends were like c’mon come get high, and I would ‘cave’ and be like ok fine, then that entire day would be a write off and I would experience quite a bit of regret because now I had to wait until I was sober again to paint, so experienced much regret within myself. So with this point of going to the farm I am experiencing the same point, that I cm compromising myself for the horses, meaning the horses, represent that “high” point and that I would then in getting the job, be actually stepping into a time-loop where I would experience a point of regret the whole time that I am not out in the Matrix, where I am now, working a different job, where I feel, like I am actually standing right in the system. I experienced this point some on the farm, and especially in considering the point of staying longer on the farm. I saw the point of regret where I would actually be compromising myself, because I was/would not be standing here in the system. So with the job here, that point of fear I experienced come up inside of me is this same point. I fear of regretting the decision and then having to live in regret. Its like doing something you shouldn’t be doing, then afterwards feeling regret that you did it. There is the point with this ranch that I will enjoy the point of living on the farm, and in a way, it will be a little different than working and living in the city, and actually be more like living on the desteni farm in some way, and it is within this point that I feel like I am ‘hiding’ from responsibility. Also I see the point of that within committing to a point like this, one is taking a very definitive direction, meaning that, this is going to close off some doors that would have otherwise might have been open, so there is a point coming up also here of “what am I missing out on” a fear of missing out. A here again the fear of compromising myself by closing off certain specific doors that otherwise would have been there for the walking through. Fascinating that this point which is now nearly a page of writing and actually contains quite a bit, came up in a refraction of a moment, as an energetic point that emerged as an electrical current charge within me in a split second. It lasted less than one second, yet here it is now opened up and it is quite big I see, it is like the splitting of the atom and seeing the universe inside. So cool to open this point up here so I can direct this energy point of fear that I am still allowing within and as me. The main aspect of this fear I see is it is actually a fear of missing out on certain things. The fear pertaining to education, and or the point of Art. Where in if I go out onto this farm, I basically saying that, I am giving up art from the perspective that I originally discussed the point with Bernard before I left the farm. And I am also saying that I will not be doing education in the near future as a priority point but rather will be focusing on this point with the Working on the Horse ranch first. In writing this out, both of these points kind of make me nervous. The education point I see that I have this linked to ‘process success’ and the point of Art I see I have this linked to ‘breakthrough’ and ‘Self Enjoyment’ So within going to work on this horse ranch I see/feel as though I am compromising on this point of enjoyment. And taking art to a level of application where I had never been before. So the point of fear coming up is linked to these two points. I also see the point here of “letting myself down”.
Will have to Do some Forgiveness on this Point.
Its Earth Hour!
Earth hour is an event that takes place every year on the last Saturday in March where this year a total of 147 countries are participating in “going dark for an hour” where people are encouraged to turn off their lights for one hour; the event is a Global Effort to highlight climate change.
I have a question
Will we just keep having Earth Hour every single year?
How come we are not implementing a solution so that this event become non-existent?
From my perspective one should in fact be absolutely aware in every moment how ones participation in that moment actually form a relationship with the planet and what affects and consequences that relationship has on the planet.
The fact that we have such a thing like “Earth Hour” is showing that we have in fact completely lost touch with the earth we live on (if we ever had it) and are unaware of how the way we live is affecting and influencing what is here. Or put another way - We are unaware of how what we do, creates what is here.
We must Stop accepting and allowing ourselves to continue existing in such abuse and neglect towards ourselves and our planet and start taking responsibility for ourselves / what is here / our creation.
This has been a process for me to start seeing and understanding “how to live” so to speak. And that we as humanity have essentially lost ourselves in the world we have created for ourselves and have given up on even trying to find a solution. We have completely accepted ourselves as limited in our ability of who we are as life and what we are capable of.
I see this within myself from the perspective of even being able to fathom the point of it being possible to exist in every moment where one is absolutely aware of how ones actions affect the earth we live on. Before I would have thought there to be no way to actually do this. In a way, I understood this point but did not see myself capable of actually being able to become this where I am in fact aware of the earth in every moment so to speak.
Does this not simply suggest a point of Self Awareness?
I see that I have drawn allot lines and thus limitations upon myself with regards to what I am capable of. Now its a process of stopping accepting and allowing myself to limit myself in anyway and rather to push myself to a point of total self awareness.
I understand how this is necessary to end the abuse that we have accepted to take place in this world. Where in I take responsibility for “my every moment” and make sure that my actions in that single moment accumulate into that which is best for all. Or Accumulate into Support, instead of what we have now where our actions and behaviours are actually accumulating into abuse and degradation of the planet and ourselves as life. Hence Global Warming or Wars or Poverty and all the other abusive shit that takes place on this planet.
What I also see is that I first must begin with myself. Where in I stop my own abusive behaviours / relationships and thus when I am living in every moment as actual Support of Life than this is how we individually each do our part to support the emergence of a planet that actually exist in Dignity.
I have found this to be quite a process from the perspective of the vastness of self and how extensive I have accepted and allowed myself to establish abusive behaviours within and without.
I have been walking this process of developing self awareness along side Desteni and other Destonians. The Desteni material has been invaluable in assisting and supporting me to understand myself and how I am actually functioning where I am able to actually start seeing how I able to take responsibility for and as myself In Every Moment!
There is endless material available on the desteni.org site as well as the equalmoney.org site. You can also find countless desteni videos on youtube or take actual Lessons designed to support you to walk your process of self realization self awareness at desteniiprocess.com
Another cool point for those that are curious is to explore Eqafe.com where there is more “exclusive” material and interviews that one is able to purchase to support desteni and support yourself.
Ok but getting back to the Earth Hour Point...
Placing our attention on the Earth for once a year for one single hour is obviously not enough. We must incorporate earth hour into our Every Single Moment for it to be effective. Where in each moment we ask ourselves the question - Is my actions/expression in this moment supporting the continued abuse of the planet or is it practically supporting a change to stop the abuse that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to inflict on Ourselves and The Earth.
So rather than simply spend one hour every year considering this point, I see that this must become an “in every moment” consideration to actually bring forth a solution. Where this become a point of our general awareness of ourselves where we are actually aware of how our actions affect our environment. And thus ensure that our actions do not have a flow out domino affect that support the abuse and destruction of the planet.
desteni.org.
desteniiprocess.com
equalmoney.org
eqafe.com 