Category Archives: destonian

2012: My Art Studio Process – Day 3 : There is no Secret Ingredient

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I am continuing with my Art Studio Process Blogs where by I am writing on my experiences and points that come up in relation to my process of working in my Art Studio this month. So far since being back in a studio for the past 3 days it has been interesting to see different points coming up again that used to be a part of me/my experience in the past as I participated within this whole Art Point and being “The Artist” and playing this entire role. Because that is just it, “The Artist” is actually a kind of Personality that one construct and participate in. A suit that one put on, an ‘idea’ that one “take on” as oneself and live the entire ‘role’ of “The-Artist”. Yet it is not in fact real, Particularly within the context of who one is really existing as, and what really goes on inside self. When one look at what actually goes on inside one’s mind, it is far from the idea one creates about oneself as “The Artist” or any other Personality that one live out. Sex, Money, Competition, winning, Survival, jealousy, do I look good in these clothes... This is who people actually are and no matter what personality you project and act out, We are all the same, Walking Egos only concerned about ourselves, concerned about surviving, Not seeing and not caring about the millions dying around us everyday. Our personality software does not included in its programming anything to do with the people that die daily of starvation...unless you are walking some saviour philanthropist personality -  thus these apparent unique personalities we have are really quite delusion when one realize that we are all just concerned with the same Self Interested shit as everyone else and if one is self honest would realize that “greatness” cannot exist within a world where so much Suffering and Abuse gets completely ignored. “The Artist” is not real. Being/living the Artist is simply another way to separate ourselves from each other trying to become something more, something exalted. I see this as trying to superimpose value onto yourself without actually living self value. It is like a short cut. We take on these personality suits as a way to create a fictional perception of value instead of actually valuing ourselves though honouring life and ourselves in fact by walking/living what is best for all in every moment. If we actually value ourselves we would not require to try and build ourselves up all the time by creating special ideas about ourselves as being some superhero with special abilities. I even seen this point come up today as I painted and I noticed myself starting to generate this idea about myself and about my art being unique and special...Though when I really stand back, it is just a picture depicting some stuff hanging on a wall, nothing miraculous like is so easily able to be perceived. This is a point that I trapped myself within previously as I walked the whole art point. I projected “special value” onto art I saw. I remember going to Italy and looking at the Art Works by the Master Artists and I was in search for that magical special ingredient that I believed actually existed and is what made a masterpiece a masterpiece. I had a similar experience to this when I tried out meditation and would sit and close my eyes and trying to relax ....like the spiritual guru who stresses himself out because they really really want to be relaxed and zen like. Though Humanity is really good in believing in shit that is not there – This may be an indication of how we are able to continue living day in and day out believing that “everything is ok” meanwhile the world and our lives are all falling apart around us.   I have realized that  there is no special meaning or value or ingredient that makes a masterpiece. It is literally just pictures on walls which we have attached special value to but that obviously is not special as how can specialness exist in a world where we watch human beings starve to death on the television and then switch to see who’s on the red carpet and seeing the score on the game. And so the same with the Art that I make. The point is not to create and project some special value onto it that is not really there. That is delusional, that is Ego. Or to, through the Art, by projecting special meaning onto it, create an idea about myself as being unique and special. I am me. I am who I really am, I am what really goes on inside me. The truth of me, the real me that exist underneath all the beliefs I have about myself. Thus the point is to not create ideas about myself but get to that real stuff of who I am exiting as and work with that. That real shit that we ALL are, no different from one another.   So yes, I noticed this point of me going into this point of projecting special value onto the art I have been making where I perceive it to be something special. Like the singers who go to audition for American Idol or some show like that and they believe that they are good at singing but when they get to the audition, it turns out that they are actually not able sing, (from a technical perspective) yet they themselves believed they were great at singing? At least that is what I was seeing when I would watch some of those auditions – Though in relation to what I am doing with the art – The point is to not project onto the art something that is not there at all, and in this keep it practical and keep it physical. A painting is not going to magically save the world. Unless of course you believe in Ascension and 2012 and being saved by some miracle, then you might still believe in the whole art thing, that “Art” actually really exist, when “Art” is in fact “Ego” as it is just an idea of values and meanings created and projected onto stuff. www.desteni.org www.eqafe.com

How Did WAR Become Normal?

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I spent the morning following some of the stories on the news. WAR. War is one of the primary points that is being reported on. Many of which are a result of religion that have created divides among people and races to the point where war is then used as a point of ethnic cleansing where one group attempt to claim prowess over another by simply killing them off. That is one Motivation for War. There are others as well – such as Money. I have never read the bible. Christianity would be the religion that is closest to me, so if I were to have taken on a religion it would have been Christianity from the perspective of the religion that my family and environment would have embraced as their religion and thus so to me. I saw this common sense point however – That one should not require a Book to tell them “what is right and what is wrong” and how one is supposed to live. It simply did not make sense as it was not fair because what if for some reason I did not have access to that book? How is that fair? Than I would be fucked – How could the all mighty God fail to consider such a simplistic practical point – How am I supposed to follow a God that miss such a simplistic common sense point that a kid can see? If religion was in fact real and true than it would be an immediate point of accessibility to all. Religion is strange because it implies that we are not able to live without reading instructions from a book? Why then just not give us the knowledge to begin with instead of first having to learn the a language and then get the book and read it – There is just way to much room for error in this equation. What if I make a mistake and fuck up my life before I have time to read the bible – Who’s fault is that? Mine? What about animals? They can’t read – so then what religion are they – How do they know how to act the right way or learn what god is? What religion is my doG? So yes, I never was directly indoctrinated into a particular religion though I see the point of religion being obviously deeply embedded into culture so that in ones normal daily living they are actually being  conditioned within religion. I do understand that religion and the whole idea of god is much more deeply engrained into a being’s normal daily life, and also that to be religions does not in fact require one to read some holy book. A religion is just an elaborate belief system. Thus any belief system is form of religion Believing that one sport is better and more important than another is a religion Believing that your values within your peer group are more important than others is a religion Having a core set of Family Values is a religion Mac or PC Coke or Pepsi Religion is simply a more elaborate belief structure. Any type of  value-sets you have decided to believe are right or wrong is in essence the same point as believing in a religion – as a religion is a set of values that is laid out for you in a book in a very specific way. People have arguments with each other based on “difference of opinion” The same as we have Wars based on religion which is just a “difference of opinion.” Like “I believe I have the right to kill you so that I can have your resources!” – obviously this would lead to a difference of opinion in the matter. It is absurd that there can be any valid reason for us to justify harming another life form as acceptable. This whole point of WAR is strange because it is accepted as a normal function of existence – That there must be war, that it is who we are. This from my perspective is massive psychological disorder – It does not make sense to me to even continue existing as a race within the context of WAR, seeing as how to have such a point of WAR is showing that we are not Living anyways but that we are Killing, and heading in the direction of our eventual total self annihilation. Killing is NOT normal Harming another life form is not Normal. What we currently accept as Normal is Not Normal. To End all Wars seems so common sensical yet at the same time a point which many laugh at  - Even within myself it feels like a lofty idea – But that is bullshit because I also see that to accept anything less than that implies a point of self accepted limitation and an acceptance of myself as a living expression of life that believes that I must exist in a state of constant self abuse and self affliction of pain. Because that is what war is – It is a kind of self imposed turmoil and torture of self – To live that way is to exist as/in one’s own living Hell. Why would we settle on an existence such as this? The Common Sense to end ALL War is simply too Substantial to take any other position but to walk the process of stopping all war. Obviously this starts with self and the investigation of self to determine see how WAR exist within and as self. And take on the point of stopping and Correcting all aspects of how one individually participate and exist within the point of War within/towards self and others, ensuring that ones expression in no way harms self or another. This will be the foundation of how to then take on / support the point of ending all wars within our world.   This is what we are busy doing at Desteni. And this is what the Desteni I Process is for – To assist and support oneself to become aware of oneself and how one is actually creating oneself and this world and everything within it including war. We are also proposing the implementation of an Equal Money System as a foundation of a  world system that is based on equality so that the very system we have of managing our relationships and  interactions with each other in this world is not based on competition and winning which is what capitalism is currently based on. Thus An Equal Money System will provide an effective platform for ourselves as Humanity to walk the process we require to walk to correct ourselves into living expressions that honour each other and honour life. www.equalmoney.org www.desteniiprocess.com www.desteni.org www.eqafe.com      

The longer we wait, The longer It Takes. How Long Will it Take To Change The World

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The system / the world I live in is all around me. It is the way it is because it is exactly what we have created, either deliberately/ in awareness  or through implication / unawareness. At times I get frustrated with the System / This world and how I must interact with it in what I have to/must do to survive in it. Nothing will ever change unless deliberate physical actions/direction is given/taken by ourselves to change the system. Every moment we do nothing is simply prolonging the moment when we are Free because we have created a system / world that is actually best for us / what we would like. How long will it actually take to transform this system we live in completely and absolutely so that it support and honour all life and self expression. So that it actually support our functionality and existence within such a system, so that we are not “fighting” or “Struggling” with the system where it makes our lives more difficult. A System that makes our lives more difficult shows a lack of intelligence. How long will it actually take to re-create the entire world/system from the perspective of changing/transforming that which is “man-made” into a structure that function in such a way that it allows us to actually do what we all common sensically would like to do with ourselves in our life on earth. That is simply enjoy ourselves here, have fun.  Explore, Expand, Investigate ourselves and the world we live in, Being Free to simply be Here. Take a look at so many individuals in this world living their life, working their job, earning their money. What does their life consist of? When/Where are they taking part in bringing forth a New System That will actually support us on this earth or have they accepted the current system and simply have created Their Life and are now set/locked into their “Life”...Working their job, going on holiday, buying products, buying a house, setting themselves up in the current system so that they can functionally exist until they Die. So many simply live in this system, and have no idea how it is created or how they contribute to this creation. They have simply accepted the general layout and structure of things and attempt to make it work for them the best they can. I see that nothing will ever change if we as individuals do nothing to change it. I would suggest to have a look at your expression/ participation in your day to day living, and ask yourself “where are you going with this” ask yourself “what will this lead to” What are we doing here. What is the point of existing – To exist within a closed cycle within the current system until we are dead? Are we happy with how the System Currently Function? Happy with millions of people starving to death Happy with slave labour Happy with working a job we don’t even like because its “all that’s available” Happy to have “the weekend”  2 days a week where we are  apparently “free” from our lives/responsibilities. Happy to always struggle with, fight with and fear money. Happy to give up our hobbies and what we really enjoy doing as self expression because we must dedicate more time “making money” Happy to live in a world which we are constantly trying to escape. That is the current life that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live. Lets Rather Create a World that we do not want to escape from = Common Sense. But are grateful and appreciative to exist within. A world where We want to be Here. The longer we wait, The longer we wait. Every moment is a moment to take physical practical direction in bringing forth a new world, a new system.   For more information with regards to understanding how to Re-Create Yourself please visit the Desteni Website desteni.co.za   Desteni also offer a comprehensive course which practically assist one to begin the process of self creation/transformation where one will discover/learn/ become aware of how one actually “create” themselves and this world, thus providing a practical foundation for one to be able to in fact support the creation of a World and a Self that is Best for ALL. Desteniiprocess.com One is also able to Support the Emergence of a New System based on the principle of “What is Best For ALL” by purchasing exclusive products such as Books, Interviews, Music available at the Equality Store. http://store.desteni.org/  Featured Products at Equality Store

The Greatest Movie Ever Sold (Movie Review) – Who are You as a Brand?

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I just finished watching the move “The Greatest Movie Ever Sold” which is a documentary about Advertising, where the entire movie is based on showing the Filmmaker approaching different/various companies and business and getting them to sponsor his Movie, in exchange for product placement/advertising in the movie itself.  As the viewer we get the “behind the scenes” look at the advertising processes involved in such an endeavour as well as commentary on the overall role advertising plays not only in movies and the creative process, but our day to day lives as well. One of the questions raised in the Movie was the question of “Selling Out” specifically related to the Film-makers personal integrity during the creative process of making the movie, as well as looking at the integrity of other individuals or “Artists” who “take-money” in exchange for product placement or Advertising where a particular expression such as a movie or work of art or song, or even individual  allows within their expression a point or points  specifically, deliberately, and for no other reason and purpose but for Generating Money. I faced this question myself in my life as I decided early on that I wanted to be an Artist, and make paintings and art. I saw this point of “Money” and how this could potentially influence my creative expression but from my perspective this was not a valid consideration within the context of the Artwork from the perspective that, if I allowed money to influence the work of Art, and “My Self Expression” than I simply missed the point altogether of what it means “To Be an Artist” or to have “Self Respect”  – and so thus it was apparently obvious to me that “of course you do not incorporate money making into the creative process...duuuuh” Though I realized eventually that I actually was still not seeing the entirety of the point! I did not see how this world was Designed. I did not see how the world/money system actually operate. I believed that it was actually possible to do this – To make a work of art that was not influenced by money. I did not see to what depths money has/had infiltrated this world and was already placed absolutely as the Foundation upon which my very existence depended on, and thus also the foundation of the Art I would be making. So the question of selling-out is really a non-question as we are so beyond selling out that the question in itself only show the lack of understanding/awareness of an individual with regards to where we currently are in terms of how the world/money system is functioning at this very moment and the extent of Control it has on “The Creative Process” I Grew up mostly in the Country (out of the city) and our family was more oriented towards “Artistic Stuff” , and so thus I was not really exposed to the “truth” about money and how it was actually already infused into absolutely everything of this existence. And here I believed it was possible to make “Original Art” Though from a certain perspective I did have the opportunityto see/experience life and in my case making art for the sake of just expressing me rather than basing it on money, which in turn supported me in seeing what a fuck up we have created as our current world system and how there can be no such thing as Original Art in a world where Money is God. Where money determine if you live or die, what kind of education you have, the skills you develop, the resources you have, the way you express yourself and of course also the Art you would make. Part of my process was realizing that now is not the time or the place the “purse art” to “pursue my dream to be an artist” I mean I can see how in our current system we are limiting ourselves extensively in terms of our potential. Our potential has a “ceiling” has a “Cap” Perhaps thats why its called “CAPitalism” – Because there is a “cap” on our potential and possibility of our expression within such a system. I mean you can only pedal your bike so fast...eventually you require a different “system” to go faster. Like a car for instance. Thus we fist must actually change the world, change the system, change the environment we live in before Art or Self Expression will be able to expand and grow and actually become Valid and not simply be just another “product of money”, So from a certain perspective this Movie “Missed the Point” It did not go deep enough into seeing that we have sold our souls long ago so to speak, simply by accepting and allowing such a system as capitalism to exist as the Ruling System that is the foundation of ALL experience of ourselves here on this planet. I was also looking at how we ourselves as individuals advertise.  How we play out the exact same process we see playing out between the Hollywood movie and the Advertiser, where partnerships are formed and adds are seamlessly interwoven into the movie/creative product. We do exactly this - For instance becoming friends with someone simply because they are cool and it will make us look cooler in the eyes of another we are trying to impress. Its advertising! Wearing a certain article of clothing to look appear a certain way and in this attract specific friends and attention from others. Talking/speaking/communicating  a certain specific manner in the words/topics and tonality of voice we express so as to “get others to like us” To give us their attention so that we feel and experience ourselves a certain way. Or knowing an inside joke – its like a commercial we run as advertising which symbolize our status within our world. We as individuals are walking advertisements/presentations and if anything, what Hollywood and giant corporations are showing us -  is who we as individuals have actually become. And to the degree/extent  which we exist prominently as absolute advertisements where there is nothing left that is actual substance. Just like a Hollywood movie. We as humanity has become all surface! So obviously this is not an acceptable way to continue existing, and also is an indication of it is not about what is taking place “out-there” but that we first must sort ourselves out and explore/investigate why we accept and allow ourselves to exist as walking advertisements teaming up with others to generate more attention, more viewers.  We must have a look at the clothes we wear, our environment, the type of car we chose to drive. The coffee shops we hang out in. Everything to develop our own personal Brand as who we are as personality and only doing this to “appear a certain way” to be “liked” to be “cool” To be “better than another” to “be the best”. Our goal as a being in this world has to become a brand and create ourselves as a product, a perfect presentation, but is that who we really are? I see that I am still in the beginning of realizing that there is something “more” to myself than what I had considered and explored before. I am still in the process of deconstructing the personality, the brand that I have created that is me, so that I no longer exist as a walking advertisement and presentation. Id like to actually find out who I am if I let go of all this superficial bullshit that I see myself existing as daily. I realize that this will take some time considering how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this way for so long. though this is a decision I have made, that I am in the process of making still. Knowing that what I am living is a lie, but still finding the courage and discipline and way within myself to actually change/transform myself and find out who I am/will be in no more accepting such an existence of myself purely as a a personality, as advertising, as a Hollywood movie that I want everyone to like. Who are we when the movie stops   Equal Money Website Link - equalmoney.org Desteni website - desteni.co.za   Featured Products on the Equality Store Equal Money Book - An in depth explanation of all the in's and out's and workings of How an Equal Money System will be implemented and Function in this world. http://store.desteni.org/inventory/agable-equal-money-future-of-money-volume-1   My Evil Twin - By Sunette Spies Audio Recording -Sunette explains the manifestation of a parasitical 'evil twin' that grew and exists wihtin and as self as a resonant back-chat system. http://store.desteni.org/inventory/agable-sunette-spies-my-evil-twin          

Being a Fully Functional Member of the System (Standing Equal to the System)

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Being a Fully Functional Member of the System (Standing Equal to the System) This was a point that I took on doing when I entered back into the system around a year and half ago now. This point was not always totally clear in terms of what or how I would be doing this, but has clarified over the last year as a Directive Point that I have taken on. To Stand Equal to the system where I work and function as a member of the system, playing by the system rules, and using the tools of the system to become effective and successful in the system. So I required to do a few things as I had previously in my life wanted to do anything but stand equal to the system. I never did my taxes or cared about credit, or cared to get a job, or become an upstanding citizen so to speak. I see that I must do this, that I must “become” the system so to speak by standing equal to and as it, and becoming effective within it. This is something that actually goes against my initial pre-programming seeing as how I was raised in a  more “creative” family system that did not use money as motivation or a marker for success per-se but more focused on creativity / art as that which was given allot of attention. In this money or system savvy was simply not a part of our family really. Though some of my uncles and were business men so I observed this point in the peripheral of my family structure but was never a point that penetrated to much into/through the walls of our primary family unit… One of the main aspects of my life/approach/starting point which I required to adjust for myself to become more aligned with how the system actually function is what I placed as my “priorities” Because for a long time I placed Art and Creativity and Personal Enjoyment very high on that list, and making money and working in the system as secondary. I have though re-established my starting point to where “making money” and working in the system where in I ensure always that I have a basic income stream always coming in, is now my priority. This is much more “Practical” in terms of actually supporting me in the context of this world and what I am here doing. My previous approach was simply not practical at all, and because of this I always struggled to meet my basic survival needs and was always living on the fringe of society. In essence that is what Art Schools do. They prepare the individuals who are going to live on the fringe of the system. What a fuck up. So that was quite a Key Adjustment I required to make and I must say it makes everything much simpler. Art in my life is now a secondary point as something to explore expand only after I have established in my world my foundational income stream as support to live and function within the system. I am getting there but still I have work to do in terms of actually getting caught up on my loans and start building up my credit so I can actually get a credit card! – lol. I am kind of just “going over” a few points here as basic background to how I have been living and assisting and supporting myself to get this point sorted out for myself so that I am not “stepping on my own feet” in my process to assist and support the bringing forth of an Equal Money System. This is in essence my Top Priority. This is my total dedication of myself because there is no point to support such a system as the one we are currently living in due to its cruel and abusive nature and what kind of world our current system is sustaining/creating. Thus the only reason I am directing myself to become equal to the system, to become a fully functioning member of the system is so that I can be stable and in a position to actually assist and support the bringing forth of an Equal Money System. A New System that actually support life.  Thus this requires food to eat, internet connection, place to live etc, so I can do the basic responsibilities which are required to bring forth an Equal Money System. So Yes, Art simply is “not important” to me at the moment in terms of how I used to give it such importance. Of course I still enjoy exploring this point but It no longer has control over me the way it used to. Though this definitely took some years of (4) of walking out of this possession I created of “wanting to be an artist” So I rather look at things more practically. Art may be able to generate an income, but it is not as practical as sticking to something initially that is more consistent and aligned with how the system function. Thus I have directed myself to do more practical labour jobs, as this is a point that I have had some training in. Actually I remember the words of Bernard mentioning to me before I left the farm that I can “always fall back on my hands” (or something like that) meaning to utilize “my two hands” and do practical labour as something I can use to support me if other things do not work out. So in a way I actually went straight to this point. Looking at what practical services I can do, and how I can use “my two hands” to effectively support myself in this world. I enjoy working with my Hands, like doing practical things. And many people try and get away from doing this, so it opens up space for people who are willing to do this to generate money for themselves. So I focused on this aspect when looking at what kind of work I could do in the system to start supporting myself effectively. One other little point that supported me in my process of standing on my own 2 feet and working with my own 2 hands – lol was : Don’t do what you want to do, Do what must be done. This point has assisted me in expanding myself in terms of what I am willing to do to support myself. Even 5 years ago I would have refused and resisted to do almost anything that was not related to art and my own personal desires.  I had really really limited myself in this but I did not know any better. I did not see nor understand the “greater context” of this world so to speak. So obviously my understanding/perspective has change allot over the past 4 years participating with Desteni. And thus so much of who I was and what I was willing to was simply based in Ego which a point I am assisting and supporting myself to stop within myself. What Kind of Human Being am I, that would look at / see this world and all that is happening and simply ignore it and refuse to assist in sorting it out. Its like standing face to face with a starving child and saying “sorry, Id rather paint a picture, and satisfy my own aspirations and desires that make sure you at least have an equal amount of food and support as I do” This obviously being Ego, and ignorance particularly in relation to the fact that I was simply born into my life of having food and money. I could have easily been the one born into poverty – Anyways “my priorities” where quite delusional and fucked up to say the least. So I have now just worked the Last 6 months at a full time job doing Landscaping. This job is now winding down as winter is just around the corner and you cannot do landscaping in the winter. So I am preparing now to move into doing Snow Removal for the winter season which is a point I did last year as well. A point that I would have not considered doing if I had continued to just allow myself to “Do what I want to do” instead of “doing what must be done” I started doing snow removal last year which was quite a cool experience. I did not have a job and in a way this was a situation where I was “falling back on my own two hands” so to speak, because I was willing to work, and thus saw an opportunity to apply myself doing snow removal and generate some money for myself through the winter months. I had allot of fears about doing it, and that it wouldn’t work and I would fail and all that stuff. But I did it anyways, and realized in the end that these fears were not real, even though they seemed very real. I ended up doing it for the entire winter season and managing to get myself through the winter. This year I am little more prepared so will be interesting to see how it goes. I see I have these same fears as last year coming up inside me, though my experience with walking through these fears last year is supporting me this time around to just breathe and continue to direct and apply myself within the point. My expenses has gone up also so my goal this year is to double the amount of money I made last year doing this. I have just got my business cards and advertisements from the printers a couple days ago, and will head out (I think next week) to focus on some neighbourhoods around where I live to see if I can get my clients more in one area this year. I am much more stable this year at this stage than I was last year. I see that that is because I actually did apply myself and find work, so that I have something to build off of, and already established to support me so to speak. This process has not been a breeze or magic or happening really fast either. It has taken time. My approach has been more basic and fundamental in terms of supporting me to establish a stable base income for myself. But I am grateful that I have placed attention on doing this and not leaving this as a secondary point. It has assisted me in stabilizing myself much more in my world. www.equalmoneysystem.org www.desteni.co.za www.desteniiprocess.com

Self Forgiveness on “The Soul”

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  Self Forgiveness on Soul. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there existed a soul within me that pass over and continue existing when I die. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “not know” if there was a soul within me or not. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my soul is more pure than me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there can be an aspect of myself that Is more pure existing independent from other aspects of myself, and in this way separate myself from the soul, where in I exist in separation to the soul. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an aspect of myself to exist independent from me, where in it just kind of does its own thing, and within I do not direct all of myself here, and am also implying a lack of awareness of self in that there is apparently as aspect of me that is all knowing and pure, that I have not actual direct, in fact relationship with at all, but that only exist as an idea in my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my soul is better and superior than me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a soul because this would mean that I live forever and that is what I want. I don’t want to die because I fear dying and I like being alive, and I don’t want to die. And thus hoped that there was soul, and within this actually separated myself from my responsibility to decide for myself if I live or die, but have believed that I have no choice in the matter, as Death is “beyond me” and all-mighty. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place death and the soul in the same category, where in I see the soul as good and death as black and scary. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my idea/perception of what I think death is, where I have created this whole idea of what I think death will be like, and then fear that Idea. And thus am not really fearing death, per-se but more fearing an idea that I have created within myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the soul and things related to the existence of the soul as “higher than me” and within this imply that I am limited and less than, here within this physical body within this life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as limitation which I imposed on myself through accepting and allowing this idea of the soul. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the human physical body as well as this physical world as planet earth as limited and not take into consideration ourselves as limitless beings where ever we are in every moment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself to such an extent that I believed that I was unable to commune with the soul or anything that was from this realm, and thus existed within a state of limitation. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find it hard to believe that we are not limited as/within the human physical body here in the physical I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the soul as the ultimate good, and that in the end “man is good” because the soul is good. And to not really believe in the devil and the bad, because “that stuff can’t exist” because everyone has a soul, and a soul is good. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get confused within all this information and ideas about the soul. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am automatically good, as I have accepted myself as having / being a soul, and have defined/believed this to be ultimately good, and within this I forgive myself for not considering that I AM WHO I AM, and thats that, in relation to the context of how I live in my day to day moment to moment application of self here as who I am in every moment where in “A soul is not responsible for me and who I am” I am responsible for me and who I am based on how I live and apply myself day to day, in every moment of my existence here, and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself as who I am into2 categories only, either being bad or good. Thus I stop such allowances and acceptances of self. I let go of this delusion that somehow “the sou” defines me, and I realize that who I am, is who I am based on my moment to moment application of self and all of myself as me. That is really who I am. And Thus I face the point that there is “no free pass” which I had accepted and allowed myself to exist within, within believing that there was a soul. There is not free pass, there is not “guiding light” I guide myself HERE in full responsibility for and as myself and I take responsibility for my actions and I realize that my actions have consequences and this is also another way to assess who I am in fact which is not related to something that does not even exist, but that I “hold as an idea only” as my saving grace and guiding light to always guide me out of the darkness, instead of taking back my directive principle and walking Here for and as Myself in and As Total Self Direction and Responsibility for and as Myself, as Who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design an idea that act as my “guiding light” of me never having to actually walk and live for myself, walking into the darkness and trusting myself every step of the way, alone with no guiding light, but only me myself Here with and as myself as self support. I forgive myself for not allowing myself to trust me without the soul guiding me to make sure I do not fall off the path, and thus whenever I walked into a situation, placed my trust in the soul as this ultimate guiding force, instead of standing HERE within and as Self Trust, and developing the ability to walk within and as Self Trust in every moment and every situation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wander endlessly in the dark while all this atrocious shit happens in this world, because I had completely abdicating my self directive principle of myself to some higher force/soul as a guiding light. Where in I placed my trust in this soul or higher force to know whats best for me, and thus I never actually grab the wheel and steer myself and direct myself for and as myself. Within this using practical common sense to sort out the mess that is here as this world and put an end to the abuse and atrocities in this world through simply by directing my actions within common sense instead of floating around where all of my directive power is placed within some higher being to decide for me, to make the right choices for me within my life, instead of me directing me here in every moment, decision and choice that I am faced with in each moment no matter how big or small. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wander within my mind/idea of the soul as my guiding light, and within this never actually learn how to direct this reality that is here as the physical into a world that supports all and is best for all and is an effective reality and supports life, because I was to busy wandering around within this point of just “doing stuff” because the soul as guiding light will take care of all the important decisions in my life, and thus MISS my entire life in where I never actually direct myself within the important decisions, or any decisions and this world crumble around us as we all blissfully stair into the light, and never actually starting directing ourselves within establishing the necessary relationships, real relationships based on practical common sense and supporting what is here as this planet we live in and taking full responsibility for this and stop abdicating this to some higher force or god or soul as guiding light in all of this, where the entire world just existing in disarray within the belief that we are beig guided and directed by something more than us, like an ultimate greater good, instead of all of us here pulling our heads from our assess and start creating our world for ourselves in a way that no longer accepted and allow abuse and that actually support ourselves as life within and as our self expression. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “dream about the soul” where I would know all the answers and do everything correctly and never make a mistake, but not bringing this point back to self and walking the practical step by step application of actually developing the ability to make effective decisions for myself instead of just “wanting this to happen instantly” in terms of how I believed the soul to be. I forgive myself for not considering that if I am a soul than I will still have to direct myself as I do now in this life, and that “things never happen automatically” thus the point is that I simply must walk the necessary steps to become an effective decision maker so that “I know what to do” instead of thinking and believing that this will magically happen to me, without me taking responsibility for myself and leaning to walk and do this for myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within believing in the soul and soul construct become passive and non-committal and subdued, where in I am never really active, and engaged within my reality in every moment where I am an active participating within and as my world, due to abdicating this responsibility to the soul within accepting the idea that the soul essentially is guiding me and making my decisions anyways. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never really learn how to commit myself to a decision and follow through with that because at some point I would give up and not take responsibility for my world, because I believed the soul was taking care of this anyways and thus “it would turn out for the best” I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look to the soul for answers to my questions about life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because there is no consequence that I see/experience in a moment of actions, that this means its “ok” and within this not consider the consequences that flow-out from such actions and that will in the end create and define my world and who I am. Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because I do not immediately see/experience a consequence related to my actions/self doesn’t mean that there isn’t one. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my “best interest” to a higher power, instead of directing this as who I am in every breath as every moment of my existence. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self direction as hopeless I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within realizing that I must move and direct myself, actually go into a point/experience of fear of actually willing myself to move and direct myself in all situations and events in this world. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as powerless within this life because I could never get clear answers from the soul. And that I did not trust myself to direct myself in my life. I forgive myself that I have accepted myself as limited through by accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation from life where in I saw/see/perceive life to be “so much bigger” than me and how could I be equal with/as life in order to make decisions that affected life. And thus I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to see me as inferior to life, and inadequate in relation to life, always placing myself beneath life and never actually able or capable of standing equal and one with life, and directing myself as life and directing life as myself equal and one. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would fuck life up if I had the responsibility to direct life, and thus never saw myself as capable of having the responsibility to direct “the greater life” that is here, not realizing that I am in fact doing this already in every moment that I am here, in my moment to moment living application of self. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop the idea within myself that “man is useless” because everything that ever showed a high skill level was attributed to “the divine” and so accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only way to “become better” was to have god or the divine possess me and express through me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that really good art was done by the hand of god, which implied that the “soul” was the ultimate creator/expressor and had some magical meaning or insight and that man is really not capable of this, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “look for the divine” as a point of self improvement instead of developing the trust, courage and will power to do this for myself through discipline practical step by step walking. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself so that the soul can exist where in I no longer direct myself as who I am as an equal part of life, but suppress myself in relation to the idea that I soul is apparently directing me and within this wonder around this world with no real, clear, decisive direction of self in my application. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret not learning how to direct myself when I was younger. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there must be some mistake, and that the way that I lived and directed myself was correct, and that how could I have lived most of my life without actually Standing within and as myself and my world as the directive principle of me and my world. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in moments give up on my as the directive principle and want to rest. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping and resting as me as the directive principle because I fear the consequences of this, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not able to actually see the consequences of my actions/self standing in every moment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear “going out on my own” and directing myself within and as my world in every moment because I fear facing my world and all the various, variety of situations and events and people that are out there that I must face. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being an active participant within this world. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my pre-programming to direct me and shape out my world and how I live, instead of establishing/re-establishing these patterns, the patterns that I have created and developed over time within and as myself, into patterns of support, effectiveness, participation, and patterns that support in bringing forth an effectively functional world equally for all who are here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like the idea of the soul because then I don’t have to do the hard work and actually direct myself then use this “soul construct” as the perfect excuse to be lazy and not direct myself in situations moments that are challenging. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “when things get tough – abdicate my responsibility to something or someone else other than myself directing me here in every moment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to direct and move me here in every moment as Life to the idea of a soul. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say to myself “things will be ok” and within doing this, not actually directing each and every single aspect of my world effectively, clearly, and decisively but allowing myself to only direct some points half way or not at all, and then go into a state of hope which is actually delusion where I convince myself that the points will be “ok” instead of remaining here within the realization that I am responsible for ALL of myself and that what i do not give direction to, will simply no move or rather always only move in relation to the direction I give it. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to spend my life seeking pleasure and things I enjoy doing and to leave the rest of the responsibilities of this world to something or someone else. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the soul would take care of all the bigger responsibilities, and thus never considered or gave these points specific definitive direction, and rather just spent my life creating pleasure and joy for myself, while the world crumbles down all around me with me being completely oblivious to it. And thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand equal to life in all responsibilities of and as life. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to establish a relationship of separation where in I have separated myself from life and the soul where in I see these aspects as “beyond me” as “out there” and carry some magical mystical, ultra intelligent, all knowing force, and within this held a point inside myself of someday at some point in the future eventually “being there” and in this simply wait for this moment due to me having defined myself as incapable of understanding or comprehending this ultimate truth, and so just waited for this and lived out my life existing within and as a point of myself as limitation, and thus accepted and allowed a world and life that reflect this idea/belief. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to establish a relationship with some form of a soul/god/higher life purpose/principle, where I am in fact standing within and as a point of inferiority and that this “higher principle” is in a position of superiority, and in this separated myself from my absolute full directive principle of myself HERE where in I am always responsible for my reality and world and self in every way shape or form with my own two hands. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate me from me and in this actually diminish and dis-empower myself through by maintaining  a point within and as myself which believed that I do not have access to myself as the absolute and full creative principle in every moment due to believing that some higher force out there control some aspect or point of myself and thus within this never had stood up as the full complete directive principle of myself and my world IN EVERY WAY, and no more believing that there is some heaven or some existence out there that is wonderful and amazing that one day I will get to experience. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within thinking / imagining / pondering about other existences or worlds, or heavens existing “out-there” somewhere, that are wonderful and amazing and beyond me and beyond my imagination where I am a kind of god and magical important super being and within this ignore, and forget and disregard this reality that is HERE, and myself and my own world the creation of myself and world IN EVERY MOMENT as every breath. I forgive myself for not realizing that I am creating myself and world / reality as what is here in every moment of my existence as every breath, based within my acceptances and allowances of who I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as. And in this not realize the extend and absoluteness of myself as creative principle, and that I never stood as this creative principle as I was too busy abdicating this responsibility to some idea of the soul, or higher power or force out there somewhere. I let go of all desire to experience some “other reality” out the future, and simply remain here within and as breath and realize that if I would like to experience a particular point than I must walk that into creation practically within the physical step by step and actually create the point in this reality in and as the physical, and thus it is important to consider that this creation have no consequential outflow of abuse or harm towards life but act as a mechanism of life support as a common sense consideration of who I am as life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest, bring forth corruption on this planet through the acceptance and allowance of the soul construct within me and within others, where by “looking the other way” become a way of life and thus people begin to deceive with ease, as everyone just get so used to not taking responsibility for their actions as consequence that massive corruption take place that manifest a world of liying and cheating and stealing, and secrets, and basically attempting to live without taking responsibility for your actions . I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fully accept poverty and starvation within this world and that I have accepted and allowed myself to cultivate starvation and poverty within this world by and through believing in a soul, where in I abdicate my self directive principle and not ever take full responsibility for myself and my realty, and thus leave millions to die and suffer as everyone in this world do not take full responsibility for what is here, and in relation to this, develop the ability to “ignore the consequences of ones actions” and thus end up creating and manifesting such points of poverty and starvation where millions die of hunger, that seemingly is not related to what one is doing and how one live, but in fact is a result of this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is ok to take responsibility for myself some of the time and others its ok not to. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am unworthy because I have not been able to communicate with my soul which I perceive as worthy.