Tag Archives: sra

Daily Writing and Looking at a Fear Point – Oct 15/10

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Got up this morning, at 7:30 I experienced myself as more stable than the day before. So I am slowing down and getting back to simplicity. At the moment just focusing on self here and stopping thoughts, feelings, emotions, energies, urges, positive, negative, and just using self here as breath as the reference point. I wrote some this morning about this point of stabilizing myself. I realized that I was quite lost over this last week, and it was an eye opener to see how simple it is to end up going off into the mind, and just getting trapped up there. So I am stabilizing  myself again, getting back to simplicity and getting back to breath. Just me as the absolute simplicity as the reference point. I drove into town today and decided to buy some more display stuff for my art sale coming up in a few weeks. I have enjoyed creating “little products” out of the work, and packaging it up nice and presenting it. Its cool. So I will see what kind of response I get this time at the sale, I never sold anything last time, so see if the “new packaging” as an influence on the people. I made a drawing today...finally. I have not done much drawing at all since getting back into Calgary. I started with a few previously but then just kind of let the point fade away again. So it was nice to sit down and do some drawing. I experienced myself as calm. I will find out tomorrow if I get the job on the horse ranch. That will be nice to have that point sorted, and then I can start arranging for either doing that or getting on and finding another job. Either way it should not make a difference. I have been looking at this point today, of how one place value in certain things, in what one does, and who one is with, instead of living Value as themselves, as who they are as the starting point and source point of their world. I see still that I have placed value in working with animals, and also with being out on a ranch, where it will be quieter. The obvious deception that I noticed is that believing that “this will solve all my problems. What do I mean by this? Well, in my current world, things aren’t just flowing along, all fine and dandy, I am in fact spending much time alone, and still have not really got the art point moving as a point which I am assisting and supporting myself with yet, and I am still finding that there are inconsistencies within my application, as well as energetic points which I have found myself to be struggling with, and also the point of just remaining here, effective within my application of writing, internet work, drawing, reading, and points like this that I have at the moment the opportunity to take on. I saw the point today of how I allowed myself to believe that by moving onto the horse ranch that “things would be different” in a way where I would be able to “get things done” so to speak. I realized that in fact the real point is here, not there, the real point is not in moving to some other location. I inevitably will simply create the same shit, and the same patterns and the same points to deal with. So in this I see that the Solution, the corrective application is actually Here in my current world, where I take these points that look like they simply don’t want to move, and I “apply myself within them” I mean, why wait to direct certain points in my world. Take the art point for instance. It really ‘seems’ like this point is just not wanting to work here and that I have met with some resistance so to speak with regards to this point. Its like there is an energetic block with this point and with others, and so I simply see that this is the perfect opportunity to actually Stand-Up within these points, and give them direction, and push through the resistances and energetic blockages. The will not just go away on there own, I will actually have to direct the points myself. So I noticed that point of where I was existing within a belief that, if I were to move, that I would then, be able to be effective within my world, instead of pushing and directing me here in specificity and self will, and actually get this world, my current world I am in to function effectively, and direct the necessary points so that the world I am in now works. And not try and hide from it and believe and perceive that my fully optimal functional effective world of when I am really standing and effective in my process is out there somewhere. Its not. If I want an effective world, I have to make this world effective, my current immediate world and it will always be this way. Here is the Key, the power so to speak, this is the point that I have been exploring today. The point of HERE the point of Breath, as being “where its at” this moment right now as I write here, is the moment where my power is. So other than that I had a pretty quite day. Phew, Was nice to just stop and see myself again. I see the point also of accepting myself as silence. Its like I am just so used to “having something going on inside of me, that when there is ‘nothing’ so to speak, I believe that there should be something, instead of allowing myself to embrace this point of ‘nothing going on inside me. Like at the moment, there is not allot here to write about, so I will stop here. Ok so this point just came up inside. It rose up from within my stomach area, it came up as an energy, and electrical current charge where I almost wanted to hold my breath. This point was fear. Fear about my job. Fear about the commitment that I would be making. The fear is related to staying on that ranch for two years or even longer. Now I am experiencing like a weakness inside of me. So this fear came up in considering this point. Its related to “how constructive will this be” and its also related to the point of committing myself to something for another. I see the point here of this fear being related to compromise, where I would end up staying for along time out of ‘obligation’ so within this point/memory, It is the point of taking something on, and then even after seeing that it is not working, continuing to remain within the point and not enjoying myself. So its a fear of not enjoying myself and feeling trapped in a way. So what is the core source point of this, Do I have a memory I can reference with regards to a similar point where this occurred in my life. I am seeing this point related to the experience of myself “on a small scale” where I have countless times in my life, committed to say, going out to a party with friends, or going to hang out, only to realize that I really don’t want to be there, and in a way just going along with it and wasting hours of my time, and existing in a kind of guilt because I was not directing myself. I used to have this experience extensively when I used to smoke pot. I used to really enjoy getting high. But I always made sure that I had everything in place first from the perspective of art. I never mixed marijuana and making art, and so if I got high at school, or like my friends were like c’mon come get high, and I would ‘cave’ and be like ok fine, then that entire day would be a write off and I would experience quite a bit of regret because now I had to wait until I was sober again to paint,  so experienced much regret within myself. So with this point of going to the farm I am experiencing the same point, that I cm compromising myself for the horses, meaning the horses, represent that “high” point and that I would then in getting the job, be actually stepping into a time-loop where I would experience a point of regret the whole time that I am not out in the Matrix, where I am now, working a different job, where I feel, like I am actually standing right in the system. I experienced this point some on the farm, and especially in considering the point of staying longer on the farm. I saw the point of regret where I would actually be compromising myself, because I was/would not be standing here in the system. So with the job here, that point of fear I experienced come up inside of me is this same point. I fear of regretting the decision and then having to live in regret. Its like doing something you shouldn’t be doing, then afterwards feeling regret that you did it. There is the point with this ranch that I will enjoy the point of living on the farm, and in a way, it will be a little different than working and living in the city, and actually be more like living on the desteni farm in some way, and it is within this point that I feel like I am ‘hiding’ from responsibility. Also I see the point of that within committing to a point like this, one is taking a very definitive direction, meaning that, this is going to close off some doors that would have otherwise might have been open, so there is a point coming up also here of “what am I missing out on” a fear of missing out. A here again the fear of compromising myself by closing off certain specific doors that otherwise would have been there for the walking through. Fascinating that this point which is now nearly a page of writing and actually contains quite a bit, came up in a refraction of a moment, as an energetic point that emerged as an electrical current charge within me in a split second. It lasted less than one second, yet here it is now opened up and it is quite big I see, it is like the splitting of the atom and seeing the universe inside. So cool to open this point up here so I can direct this energy point of fear that I am still allowing within and as me. The main aspect of this fear I see is it is actually a fear of missing out on certain things. The fear pertaining to education, and or the point of Art. Where in if I go out onto this farm, I basically saying that, I am giving up art from the perspective that I originally discussed the point with Bernard before I left the farm. And I am also saying that I will not be doing education in the near future as a priority point but rather will be focusing on this point with the Working on the Horse ranch first. In writing this out, both of these points kind of make me nervous. The education point I see that I have this linked to ‘process success’ and the point of Art I see I have this linked to ‘breakthrough’ and ‘Self Enjoyment’ So within going to work on this horse ranch I see/feel as though I am compromising on this point of enjoyment. And taking art to a level of application where I had never been before. So the point of fear coming up is linked to these two points. I also see the point here of “letting myself down”. Will have to Do some Forgiveness on this Point.

Daily Writing – Oct 14 – Where is My Stablity

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Where is my Stability. Over the last week I have experienced myself as anything but stable. Existing in fears, worries, concerns, judgements, self judgements, wonder, speculating, projecting, wanting, desiring, hoping, helpless, scattered, basically, I was just not stable. It was as if I was not able to “ground myself” and end up getting carried away in what ever it was I was doing. The Solution which comes up in relation to this point is Breath. Breathing and focusing on Breath as a stability point to support me in coming back to earth. I experienced myself at times as if I was slipping, and or scurrying to keep up with those that were ahead of me up on the mountain top, and I simply was sliding way down the mountain side frantically attempting to get a grip somewhere and grasp onto something to be able to just keep up. I found that I simply was unable to calm myself down, to keep myself stable and would end up going into these energetic experiences as well as experiences as if I was speaking about specific things and even though the words were coming out of me it was as if they weren’t grounded in anything. Like I simply could not get to the bottom of myself. A point of Stopping. So why is it that I have not yet been able to establish a foundation for myself and an application of self that will actually stand stable no matter what happens in my world, so that I do not get carried away. It would be a cool point to do an SRA session on this point to look at the priority point of fear which is causing or the core point at the moment as to why I have been not able to earth myself or ground myself here in every moment where in I am silent with myself. There was much going on within my mind with regards to work and how things were/are going to unfold. Though the point I am looking at here in this moment is establishing myself as Here, so that no matter what happen, no matter what occur I am Here, I am stable, I am Here as myself and can simply direct myself in common sense, instead of getting caught up in knowledge and information, and fear, and thoughts and pictures etc. So I am going to explore this point of breath, and of simplicity. Because I see that I really require to find a stability point within myself, one where I do not go into comparison, into wants, into needs, etc, a point which will support me in earthing myself and remaining here as Breath. I was reading Viktors blog and he mentioned a point about the earth “not having a judgement about a particular decision that one make” the earth is simply here. And also in discussions with Marlen where she was mentioning the point about establishing oneself in the moment, in each and every moment, where ones application is here in the moment. What I see within what she was saying was that the solution so to speak, is always here, is always available, and that that solution, that stability, and ability for one to remain here in common sense clarity of self in simplicity is Here where one focus on what is here in the moment and not go into projections as such and that who one is is their starting point in every moment, so to simply look at this, and trust oneself within this. I mean I have watched countless videos and heard many times the point of ones ‘power’ being in ones breath, in the moment. I mean I noticed that I attempt to create systems and structures to attempt to stabilize myself and have not yet gotten to the point of actually establishing myself within the breath as an actual real support point where I can actually stand stable. I was forced into a kind of silence today. I simply crashed. After I woke up I had a headache and so decided to sleep it off, after 3 hours of sleep, I woke up and proceeded to work, but the headache was still there, so Laid back down, it was quite uncomfortable, after another hour or two I got up and the headache had released, I was grateful and experienced myself simply within a silence, I had in a way just stopped. Just gave-up on trying to “get everything done” So that was cool to experience myself as silent and stable for a moment where I had stopped. A cool reference point. So the question that came up was, How do I remain here in and as this silence, where I am actually here and present in that which I am doing, and not caught up in my mind where in I am really only half here, and simply am unable to slow myself down to a silence to actually be effective with what I am doing and how I am applying myself. I mean I was ready to carry on, to just keep trying to plough ahead, and not realizing to the extent that I was completely lost in an energetic experience of a kind of frantic, survival application and just not able to slow myself down. I see this point being related to money. Where a fear emerge within me and take me over and direct me, even so that I am not able to anymore make a practical decision. Its like I just lock myself into this fear, it is quite extensive. So simply forgive myself for the point. I am here now so I can start again. I also experienced allot of comparison towards others, and judgements towards myself like I was not doing good enough, so here too also is another kind of survival lock-in mode. So the point here is to stop. So I am grateful for the headache from the perspective that it ‘forced’ to just f-ing stop. My body assisting me here. So now to reconsider why and how it was that I was so easily carried away. It was like a striving and pushing just took me over, there was no real slowing down, but rather day by day a kind of ‘getting lost’ and just attempting to grasp onto some point that is stable. Ok so the Breath, why the Breath, Because the breath is simple. The breath is simplicity, and so there is no attempting to become something or achieve something, or wanting or yearning, or speculation. It is just breath, a physical breathing in and out. There is no right or wrong in breath, there is just breath. Within this point also I see the point of “The Physical” where again, there is no judgement within the physical. It is simply Here, and I am here too as the physical as my physical body, though I have created an idea about myself as “being something” other than this, when if I look from the perspective of the physical, I am equal to it and to all others as the physical as we are all physical bodies here as an extension of the earth and this universe as a physical existence.

Finding a Job that is Best for ALL – Writing Myself to Freedom – 2010/10/13

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So looking at my experience today. Words to Describe/Indicate Experience of myself/my world Eventful Intense Allot happening Anxiety Fun No foundation Packed Perplexed This was quite interesting today. I had just spent the last month here in Calgary, basically working on desteni stuff and kind of just getting myself re-oriented with how to “live in this world” and taking care of paperwork etc. In the meantime, was considering eventual points like getting a job, or education, and making money, and also getting to know myself within this process from the perspective of this being really the first time I have or am placed directly in the system. So here I was also investigating myself within this, and get to know what it means to stand in the system from my current vantage point. This last week I was quite busy looking for a job, and have been busy also since being here in Calgary with exploring the point of applying myself in such things as art, and considering this within the greater context of How I am going to and am currently placed within this world, and looking at how this support what is best for all. I am referring to the last week specifically because is was kind of a ‘drag’ so to speak. I experienced much resistance and was going more into points of distraction. Also the point of “what am I going to do with myself” was starting to become more and more pressurized to speak, and I was noticing that within myself there was more fears, concerns, worries, doubts, and an overall, anxiousness of what all was going to happen. Then there was about 3 days where everything just stopped. It was like no e-mails were coming in, and nothing was moving, like someone put a plug in the system or something, it was like very very quiet I guess you could say. This was my experience anyhow.  Then Last night, I started getting a flow of emails, it was quite an interesting observation actually where all of the sudden “things were now moving” I am not sure exactly what was going on here, but it was like, “the plug was pulled” and the system started moving again. Or like one cycle coming to a halt, and then all of the sudden another one beginning. So I’m wondering if anyone else had a similar experience, or this “movement” was only specific to me – it was quite an obvious observation so this is why I am noting it here. So in things now ‘moving’ again, or starting to come through I have found myself today quite engaged within requiring to move and direct certain points within my world. The point about a new job opened up which I went for an interview today, which will go into in more detail As well I am on my way in a few minutes to an interview about my art with a newspaper which came through last night as well And another point is a potential sale of one of my art pieces that went through over the internet which will require me to actually drive 8 hours to my home town to collect the work. So things here moving, after months of ‘nothing’ today quite busy, so it has been somewhat unexpected and am not yet seeing exactly how this all came to be in terms of the where and how I have created each one of these points in my reality. So because things have been previously moving at a slower pace, I find today, I am looking at “ok, how do I ground myself” Breath! This is the immediate point which come up so will apply this. Simplicity. Ok here I am going to go into specific detail about my experience in relation to “The Job Interview”. So I applied for this job at a horse ranch. When I first noticed the add, I thought “ok this could be interesting” I mean within the process of looking for a Job I found that due to not having recognized certificates in much of the things, I had to search through many jobs in order to find something that would fit so to speak. So when I came across the description of this add it in a way echoed or outlined much of the points I was taking on with Desteni while at the farm, and so from this perspective I saw that the qualification point was a pretty good match. Although I had not deliberately “thought up” this job, but rather after consideration decided ok I will apply, I mean, I will investigate and see what it all entails. I had not interviews yet in place in my job search so at this point was simply looking at different options. Particularly placing each point within me from the perspective of how it support me within my process of doing what is best for all, what is the skill development, timeline, where will it support what I do with desteni, and things like this. So this had been an interesting process as well to look at and consider each job from this perspective and now here take the opportunity to apply the equality equation as I consider each job, and what the eventual outflow of If I were to take on a particular job would be. So I applied and soon after had a reply back for an interview which I set up for today. I was a bit nervous about the point, due to “not being absolutely certain that I made the right choice” where points like “what if this is not the right thing” were coming up, or “what if I based this decision in self interest” etc.  So as I drove out to the meeting this morning I experienced an offness inside of me. Like “this is not going to work” I could see that many of these points were based on perceptions I had formed within my own mind of “what was going on there” and not actually based on actually real participation with the people there and/or seeing what exactly it entails. I applied self forgiveness on this point as I drove and simply utilized the breath as a point to keep me here instead of going into the experience of anxiety in my stomach, or up into my mind, thinking about all the things, it could be, or might lead to, or may not be. It was interesting because even when I arrived I experienced a doubt inside of me like “this is not going to work” One of my main concerns was that the people would be “totally mind fucked” or Hard Core Christians or something like this and that I would be like a virus in a way, and just cause a bunch of friction. So I simply had to walk through the nervousness that I was feeling and just go to the interview and basically not trust what I was experiencing towards the whole situation at this point because I had not actually really investigated what it all entailed and much of what i experienced was based on only 1 or 2 email exchanges and a fuck load of picture, ideas and concepts I had coming up in my mind. So I arrived there and was waiting for the person that was going to interview me to come by and give me a tour. It was quite cool to see the horses in the field as I drove in to park. Meanwhile points coming up like “this is crazy” “this is not going to work” basically because this job actually entail me to leave the city and actually live out on the farm so that I was “on-call” in a way. I mean this point in itself is actually pretty cool. I remember when I first came back into the city I was considering finding a place that was not directly in the city but ended up here where I am now living in the suburbs of the city of Calgary. From a certain perspective I see a point within me where I have accepted that “I am supposed to be in the city” and that if I go out to this Farm that “I am hiding” this was another point within the overall experience I was having of anxiety, where I was here in also believing that if I am not living in the “heart of it all”, like right in the city, that I am not really taking on the system so to speak and was actually trying to hide from myself. So will have to look at this point in common sense to see what the fuck is actually going on here in this point – where it is valid and where not. I can see the point of polarity here where I have defined the point within “either one or the other” like attempting to find the answer in the extremes instead of placing myself as the point that really matters. As I waited for the interview to begin, these two little dogs came towards me, I was in a way expecting them to start barking at me, but to my surprise they were very welcoming . I was still experiencing here that point of “feeling of place” because I was “not a cowboy” and had defined and created an idea/perception of who these people are or might be, and within this how they would view me based on my appearance. I see here the point of actually fearing a reaction where I had created in my mind the point where they would in a way “laugh at me” or “think less of me” or “diminish me”. When I finally met the girl that was doing the interview, I think we both in that moment were both facing our own preconceived image we had created in our mind about who each other is, and were busy now, trying to “get a gage” on who each other really is. In considering a job like this, I sure both of us are looking at “can I actually work with this person” Let me get into the job here more specifically about what it entailed which I learned through the Interview. The point was that I would initially start “part-time” where I would be getting trained to handle the responsibilities of the stable. Actually what I learned they were looking for is someone to eventually take over after 5 or 6 months when the initial manager there would be leaving where then I would take over as being the primary point there to care and look after ‘allot’ of horses, like she said there was something like 60 horses there at the moment, so shit, allot of horses. Where I would be responsible for making sure there basics were taken care of food, water, health etc...as well as tending to the basic maintenance of the farm. So I have before me quite a decision to make. From my perspective I am now seeing this point as a minimum of 2 years as a point which I would take on in my process. Could even go as long as 4 years. So this is quite a point here before me to now require to decide if this will support me in my process of doing what is best for all. What they do on the farm is breed and raise hunter/jumper horses, as well as board horses for others, so mentioned that there were horses being sold for like 100,000 dollars....that doesn’t sound right...anyways very very expensive.  Obviously here though that is irrelevant from the perspective of the animals are simply equal as life, and thus this be the foundation of how I go about caring for them. So basically this would be quite a responsibility I would be taking on. And will be an ‘investment’ of sorts “if I get the job” So there is a point of fear here in relation to making a decision like this, because this will play pretty influential role in the accumulation of myself so to speak. So in placing this within the equality equation I see that I would actually here have the opportunity to take on quite a responsibility which actually would be pretty cool. It will be allot of work, similar to how the functioning of things were on the Desteni Farm, where there was really no where to hide so to speak, but that one was always Here and ready to assist where ever required and it was no longer about, “wanting your space” and “wanting your time” so from this perspective the point is similar. The Location is about 20min from the city where I am not, so relatively  close but at the same time the Ranch is 200 acres. So after talking to the people there, they are simply looking for someone with common sense who is actually able to see that “ok” the horses require more food or water for example, apparently the person they have working th ere now is not doing this very well. So it was cool to actually chat with the people there, and actually after/within chatting I began to experience myself more comfortable, and was like seeing the point inside of myself that I could actually do this, I could actually work there. I still experience points of resistance with regards to it being a somewhat new place and people, like fear that there is “some point that I have not considered” that will only reveal once I commit kind of thing. Fuck – Note to self: “look at the point of where I hide things from myself, and keep points hidden so that one moment they jump out when its too late, instead of revealing all the points to myself and considering everything from the get go, like a deliberate deception instead of actually acknowledging all points” I will find out Saturday. They have more interviews to conduct so will see how things unfold, either way this experience so far has opened up some interesting points with regards to considering points within me world which are of “actual value” and placing myself within a point where I will develop real points which will support what is best for all in time to come. Still here I am seeing the point of apprehension in relation to this investment of myself into this point where in the end It actually is not a point that is recognized by the system, so from this perspective will am still not taking on the system in this way. This is one of the points which create unsettledness so to speak, like, am I willing to do this and in the end not have any certificate from the system. I mean at this stage as it is I would not be able to consider doing education until for a least a year, but still this point of “system recognition” come into consideration within this point.

Writing Self to Freedom – Daily Writing, Sept 20th – Wolf Dream and Car Crash

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I woke up this morning from a ‘peculiar’ dream. I use the word ‘peculiar’ because it had wolves in it, an animal that I don’t often have in my dreams. I was out in the forest in a camp area and there were these wolves around, and we kind of like “moving in on me” Like being predatory. I experienced my life being threatened by the wolves and feared for my life. But I also had a gun and bullets, And I was shooting the wolves. They were big grey wolves. And I remember at one point I was quickly loading my gun which was a hand gun, and I remember placing the bullet in the revolver, and then getting it set to shoot, and as the wolf approached I aimed at him and fired. He flinched slightly but wasn’t sure if I hit him, So I fired again, and he slowed up immediately and began to stumble, then collapsed on the ground, but was still alive. I Then walked up close to him as he laid on the ground, aimed the gun right at his head, and blasted. Then immediately woke up. The Points that come up within this is the point of Morality in where I was not “going halfers” on this thing but was going to make sure that that wolf was Dead. So within the Act of Killing the wolf I simply did what I needed to do, as my life was being threatened. So there was a certainty and a determination there, although this was based entirely on fear, fear of death. Where the world (oops meant to type wolf here, interesting typo) represented the predator or pack of predators threatening my existence. From a certain perspective I can relate this point of the Wolf to the mind and the accepted and allowed battle and struggle I engage in within and towards the mind where in I experience myself in a way fighting myself as the mind, and fighting with myself as the mind. So Here the Wolf actually represent me as the mind as the predator, where I have created myself at the moment within and as my mind to be a predator. And that this predator must has a very “single minded” existence, to be a predator, and to kill and survive off its kill. So From this perspective the Wolf also represent the point of Survival, as the World (Wolf, oops typo again) represent also the point of survival where one must be and has to become ruthless and vicious to be able to survive in this World! I watched some Vlogs today of other people in process and did my daily stuff with regards to Desteni and Ratings Etc. I watched Gian’s Vlog on “pretending” where one is always “pretending” to be something. It is a pretty cool point actually, and immediately saw the point within myself of how I am constantly attempting to “pretend” to be ‘Stable’ Because I wish I was stable. I Wish I was stable and directive and effective in my application and direction in my world, and that much of the time I experience myself as “not this” so then must ‘compensate’ by ‘pretending’ to be stable. And also simply how I pretend to be allot of things in my world. Particularly when I am with people, I see that I actually present myself in a very specific way, in how I speak, the tonality, of my voice, and words I chose. The way I move my physical body, what I talk about, everything of myself go into this presentation point of where I present myself as someone of importance, of strength, of knowledge, of Direction, of Knowing, as Disciplined, as Wise. So I ask myself – Why must I ‘present’ or ‘pretend’ to be these things. The point I see with regards to why I must present these points as myself instead of simply just being here as myself, is because I believe I am not these things, and actually desire to be these things. This reveals that I actually believe that I am not strength, that I am not calm and cool and collected about the way I speak, that I am not stable. The one about speaking in particular, comes up prominently here because I see that this is one point that I really want to be able to do. And its a point where I actually judge myself as being not effective at. Communication. And actually as I watched the Video Gian, made a point of jealously came up where I was jealous because I find in my Vlogs, that I am not stable and directive in my words and what I speak. I see the point as well coming up where I imagine others watching the Vlogs I made, or people who have come to know me “looking up to me” or “making note of” my ability to communicate from the perspective of this being an effective point with me that comes through quite ‘Artfully’ I will say. So Yes this point exist within my as a desire, as a point where I tend to go into judgement and criticism towards myself around my ‘ability’ to speak and communicate with others. Another Point today is I saw a Car Accident! It was pretty big I’d Say, like one of the biggest ones I have encountered in real life, though I have not seen many. This One unfolded right before me – (Ouch, sharp pain/pressure in left temple) I pulled over to the side and I kind of hesitated because I wanted to go and see if everyone was Ok, because it possibly could have seriously injured someone because it was quite an impact. Basically what happened is a Truck pulled was making left turn (or in south Africa would be life making a right turn) where you have to pull out into the intersection, and this truck obviously failed to look both ways and a car slammed into the side of the truck. When I saw this this first thing that came up inside me, was “should I go see if everyone is ok” then the thought came up of me just “wanting to be a hero” So it was at this point I hesitated. By the time I had pulled my Van around into a position that was safe for others on the road, there was a Man who parked his truck and was there checking to see if everything was ok. I was kind of relieved that he did that because then I didn’t have to. But I also experienced guilt for not Just Directing Myself Immediately when I saw the point unfold to Assist. Its like a situation that is so different than what I am used to, I ‘wonder’ how I am supposed to Act, and if its normal or not to check to see if everything is Ok. A point I see coming up at the moment is the point of where I actually see myself as being not effective in a situation like this. Particularly in relation to consoling another or comforting another because I see myself as kind of cold or physically distant, and not very good at actually supporting someone in an ‘emotional’ way, yet at the same time, I don’t mean from the minds perspective, but simply being there for support in a moment of crisis. So yes I experienced guilt come up in this moment, like I failed myself life essentially. This Brought up the point of a past memory from along time ago where a fight happened right in front of me and my friend was being surrounded by about 10 people and there was this point which then escalated and he was right in the middle of it. I watched it develop right before my eyes, but did nothing, I stood back, I hesitated. So with regards to this I see that in that moment I experienced a point of shame and weakness. And this point came up today as I saw this car crash unfold and I did not direct myself to assist. It was like a point of fear caused me to hesitate, to question the whole thing first. Fear of not being able to handle the situation. Fear of not being effective with handling the situation, Fear of just getting in the way, and being out of place. Fascinating because I don’t really see the fear of danger within this, so I wasn’t afraid of the danger element of it – it was the social element, the working with people, and the fear of not being supportive or helpful in a situation like this.

How to Actually Change – PARTICIPATE – in What is Best For ALL

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Participation. Participation is not energy, meaning, it does not require energy to participate. Participation is an ACT. An Act that supports all life equally. AN act that takes all life into consideration where when one act, One do so in support of All life. Participation is measureable in the physical. And ones participation within oneness and equality is measureable in that the physical manifested measureable result of ones participation is so, that it, in fact supports All life equally. There is no denying or disputing it. It is Here as the physical. Thus Participation cannot be disputed, as it is an actual measureable act in the physical that supports all life and supports the transformation of our physical world. Our physical world that currently exist as structures and cities and systems that do not support ALL life equally. Thus our participation will support and bring forth the transformation of this current world into a world that support ALL life equally. Within this the systems of this world that do not support all life equally must go, must no more exist, and this actually has to be done in our participation in fact. Our Money system does not support all equally, our education system does not support all equally, our government system does not support all equally, to name a few. And so these systems must go. And be replaced by new systems brought forth from those participants walking and standing as what is best for ALL. In order for systems to be placed that support all life equally, One who decides to walk this path must actually understand what it means, to support all life equally. The point I see within this is that if I accept limitation within myself, meaning there is point within self that I do not understand or am not aware of, than in fact I am not in awareness of ALL life as I am not even aware of all parts of my immediate self. If this is so than I am not able actually to set up a system that supports ALL life, as I am not yet aware of all life. Thus I can only extend as far as my own awareness. I can only create that which I am as my awareness. I create that which I am. Than the question is, who am I really? What is important to me in my life? What am I giving attention to? What am I wanting, what am I desiring. Where is my attention. And within these points – what am I actually implying about “who I am” and what I stand for in this reality. Am I in fact standing for what is best for all, if my attention is given to desires of self interest and personal comforts. Although within this I see the common sense necessity to “focus on myself” Not from the perspective of “self interest” but rather from the perspective of actually becoming effective within this world, in so that I am able to actually assist and support actual change in bringing forth a one and equal system that is best for all. This means to participate within my world in such a way that I develop the necessary skills that I will require to become highly functioning, within this current world and current system. Within this I am able to place myself in a position of support in bringing forth new systems within this world that support all life equally, and that this support and “bringing forth” is measurable, and becomes visible within this world. Because at the end of the day. In order to change something, it has to actually change in fact. There is no middle ground, or opinion, or question – it either changes or does not. The Participant exists according to actual measurable change. The only point that is valid is participation, because the points that are valid in this world are those points that are REAL. That actually exist, and actually impact and influence everyone’s life. There is no middle ground with the participant – If there is no change occurring, than there is no participant. The Participant is equivalent to the actual physical measureable change. Ultimately An actual physical measurable change within the systems of this world must actually exist in FACT. And to change the currently existing systems practically, that have been built over thousands and thousands of years, brick by brick, step by step, breath by breath, will not simply just happen without some effort, some application, some participation. It must physically, practically, Actually be done. And that will take some time, especially if no one actually see that that is what must be done in this world. And furthermore actually start to participate in the change once they do see that things must change, and stop waiting for someone else to “gather the troops” to take on the roles that are necessary to actually begin making a measureable impact in this world. Only now this measurable impact is being done so from a different perspective. The perspective of what is best for all. No one is exempt from how the system operate and function. So those that are acting and participating in the best interest of all, must walk the same path so to speak that those who are currently in power and running this planet, have walked. Practically speaking. One must participate within the system as how it currently exist until the system is changed. So to walk as Participant Bringing forth actual physical measureable change to this world and the world systems to Support All Life Equally. Will take some diligence. Essentially the same process that took place to create this world as how it currently exist, must take place again. Our current world was created within the starting point of self interest. Walked, and lived, step by step, brick, by brick, in self interest. What we must do now is walk the path again, step by step, brick by brick, but this time from a different starting point. The starting point of What is Best For A