Self-Support To Move From Scattered to Stable

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Self-Support to Move From Scattered to Stable I experienced myself a bit scattered today. This is often actually that I experience myself in this way. I had a few things to do today so this broke up my day and found within my day that I was not able to settle myself effectively and really establish myself Here within what I was doing. So I am looking at this point of how to effectively stabilize myself within my world. The first points which come up are: 1.Stop participating in the mind 2.Stick to simplicity 3.Stick to breath With this first point I see that when I participate in my mind, where in I accept and allow myself to engage within the dialogue in my head, that I am not stable, and that if I were to actually Stop participating within my mind that I would actually be stable within my world, and be here, and be able to effectively assess my world with common sense and direct myself accordingly . So I require to be more effective within this point of “stopping the mind” from the perspective of not engaging with the thoughts, pictures, emotions, voices, debates etc, but assist and support myself to remain Here and not participate with the “Back-Chat” that is the mind. I see that my “Back-Chat” is fucking extensive, My mind is automated literally 24/7 and so if I am not Here and aware in every moment and supporting me to remain HERE and be HERE as myself as silence in each and every moment, Supporting me to exist here where there is no "movement" or "energy fluctuations" then it is the mind that is here as me as thoughts, feelings, emotions, as movements and fluctuations within and as self. Thus I require to ground me. To Earth Myself. So I see I must be more effective in actually supporting me to Stop my mind, and stop engaging in the conversations in my head. Thus to support me,  I simply stop  participating with any voice, and thought, that exist inside me / within my mind, and that I must be ruthless within this, as to not allow myself to trick me into participating within the mind Life for example how “positive thoughts” are fucking deceptive as these generally “feel good” to participate in and “seem harmless” but this is mind as a program and so to participate in these ‘positive thoughts’ one is actually supporting the mind, and in this case enhancing my own instability which I mentioned in the beginning of this post, from the perspective of “feeling scattered” So this is where I am going to start to assist and support myself to re-establish my stability of Self, I am going to push the point of Stopping  Myself from Participating, engaging within conversations, thoughts within my mind. Where as soon as I notice that I am actually existing as a voice in my mind as Back-Chat as thought, and as soon as I notice that I am participating within an energetic fluctuation or movement  within me than I stop immediately, as I realize that this is my mind, and immediately bring myself back here. And within this I focus on simplicity. And use breath as a stability point, by focusing on breath, my breathing,  to assist and support me to remain Here in the physical with and as my physical body, and not "up in there" in my mind.

Auto-Andrew and being Half-Here

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I was reading some blogs just now and then half way through one of these blogs I realized “oh, I am not actually reading this blog” Have you ever noticed that with yourself when your only “Half Here” when you are reading something and just skimming through it. What A fuck up. I mean if I am going to read something I may as well actually read the thing, no point in just skimming over it to “get it done” which was what I was doing. I also wanted to write this blog, and was separating myself into multiple places at once instead of being completely Here within the single point I am directing. So first I will right this then, go back and read, and give myself the proper time and give that which I am reading my complete attention so I actually do read it, from the perspective of not separating myself into multiple places at once but being Here with myself as I read. Interesting that this way of only “Half Reading” something has become so normal that I don’t even notice when I am doing it from the perspective of not realizing or seeing that I am in fact not really reading but just skimming my eyes over the information. Another point that has been ‘bothering’ me today is my typing skills. I have been typing quite sloppy in my typing and not directing each finger to hit each letter in its correct placement but rather letting the hands just kind of type the words by themselves which cause me to have to go back and make many corrections, so rather thus, Be Here in typing. And Direct each letter as I type. So just some corrections in reading and typing to support myself to Be Here within my world so that it is Me Here in Full Awareness Directing myself so that I am not just running on AutoAndrew   Fuck I even noticed this “AutoAndrew” today also while driving, and I mean that is when accidents happen, when one is not completely here and completely present with self while driving. So noticed a few instances of this today where I have become ‘accustomed’ to a certain experience of myself, that I have come to accept. However this ‘experience’ which I have become ‘used to’ is not such that I am Here and fully present, directive and aware of my environment or myself. So I must flagPoint this.   So the point here is to identify / flagpoint this “normal self” which has become the dominant self in my day to day activities, and to assist and support myself to Stop myself from existing on auto pilot or only being half here, and assisting and supporting myself to identify when this occur and to stop and correct myself from the perspective of ensuring I am Fully Here, within and as Full Self Awareness in the Moment. And ensure that it is me here that is moving/directing my body, and that I am aware of my each and every movement, and each step that I take and make sure that I am the one taking each step and that I am not just on auto pilot. So to assist and support myself to become aware of each and every movement I make within my day, and make sure I am HERE within and as each and every movement/moment. And within this Stop participating / living in the mind, as thoughts, daydreams, pictures, emotions and feelings. And support me to bring through Me as Self Awareness, Self Presence Here in each and every breath. So that a New Me Emerge who is Actually Self Aware and Here in each and every breath and who directs oneself in the best interest of ALL.    

We don’t actually Need TAXES – Equal Money System Research

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I read an article today in the local newspaper here focusing on a ‘issue’ related to a Taxes. The article explained how our cities Mayor has decided to not move forward with tax cuts, but rather keep everything “as is” which means, instead of the money that would have stayed in the pockets of the people under proposed tax cuts will now go into the pockets of the government which will be used for various projects the city has scheduled to undertake. What I find interesting about this article is it illustrates how the attention of the media, of the government, of the people are all focused on this aspect of our system called "Taxes" and how best to go about implementing taxes to ensure the functionality of the system, missing altogether the point that we do not actually require taxes at all and that there is an alternative systematic approach to running a government and managing a city , country, world where we will not require taxes at all. This is something that not many are able to consider and ver possibly would  laugh at the mere mention of this. That we actually do not require taxes. This is from my perspective because we as people as governments are simply not educated in how this would work. We have been raised and conditioned in this system and that this system is all we know, where we  have, so whole heartedly and completely, accepted Taxes, as a normal functioning point of Society, that cannot be done without. Though we at Desteni Propose a System where in fact there is no Taxes what so ever. Where all members of Society are Fully Functioning  Participants, there is no homelessness, or unemployment as we know it today, All have a stable and bountiful income and any other element required in the basic development and support of the human being, in order to live a fulfilling, dignified life. Education, Housing etc. And of course there is No Taxes This System is an Equality based system including an Equal Money System. This is not some mumbo jumbo pipe dream utopic proposal. This is an actual Structural System able to be  implemented and operated exactly the same way as we have currently a System which has been implemented and is operating to manage the ins and outs of society and ensure that all get their daily bread etc... The problem though is that the current system we have in place (the capitalistic system) all do not get their daily bread. I mean would you not agree that a basic function of a System that we as humanity have in place and agreed upon  to manage ourselves ensure first and foremost that each individual that is Here, is included as a consideration within the functionality of that system. Or do you believe that we should only include some humans that are born into the system and not include millions of others and essentially just ignore them completely? Common Sense that A system which takes ALL points into consideration would be more effective than a system that only takes some points into consideration and completely ignore other. I see that this will however take some Education or Re-Education of Man to show that we in fact do not require such a function as Taxes. And that we are able to place a world system that actually provide for its citizens – Meaning ALL citizens of this world leaving not one child out of the equation and that within this ALL will be properly cared for, and have the basic necessities  and necessary support to live a full, dignified life. It is up to each one to take a serious look at this world and realize that in 15 years, if we do nothing, that this world will continue heading in the same direction it is going, and that is definitely not cool. And we will effectively be standing in the same pile of shit as we are now. Or We realize that WE are the ones,  the citizens, the members of this world,  who are actually creating this world, I mean we ARE the only ones on this planet.  Who else is creating, and is implementing the systems of this world But us ourselves. So as one generation move out and a new generation move in – WHO WILL WE BE. That is entirely up to us, and it depends where we place our attention, it depends on how we educate ourselves. If you would like to carry on with living out the same cycles over and over again, than yes, simply stand by our current way we have been doing things, Stand by the believe that we must have taxes. Though if you are interested in learning about a New Proposed System which is able to effectively support ALL that is Here, and not only just some of us while millions die of hunger than I suggest to start to investigate what Desteni is Proposing as an Equality Based System To find out how this will work join us  – www.equalmoney.org

New Job – Preparation

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Before I begin writing this I am going to remind myself here, that what I write, is me. And that what I write becomes me. And what I write becomes my inner structure, and therefore to effectively support myself by writing an inner structural support that Stand as what is best for ALL, and that creates a functionally effective human being within the context of what I am currently facing , what I will be facing and where we are going in process in terms of bringing forth equality, an equal money system, a world that is best for all, and a human being that is dignified, self respected, trustworthy, and self honest. So today I met with my new boss to go over some details of the Job I will be doing this summer, which is Landscaping. I experience excitement and anticipation to “get into the swing of things”, and noticed all sorts of questions coming up inside me that really are only able to be answered in time as I walk the process of the job and see what it is all about, and see where I am effective, and particularly see where I will require to breath and support myself to strengthen my resolve in certain areas. I see one area where this will be required is “afterwork” as the job I will be doing I expect to be quite physical and thus one usually is quite ‘tired’ after work, and so may have to breathe in these moments to be able to continue effectively participating within my written work and desteni process stuff. Other than that I at the moment simply require patients and not get ahead of myself. So Just breath and focus on remaining here and not going into my mind at this stage and creating imaginary worlds of what all will happen in the future to the point of creating anxiety inside of myself. I am looking forwards to the job, and also getting a more consistent routine in place and have money coming in. We have a SnowFall warning tonight for the next day or so, so my “ Snow Removal” job may be going out with a Bang Here, or rather...A Flurry!

Re-Designing My Life

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So I was busy sending out resumes today. I will be focusing primarily on this point until I get myself a stable job. This is Step One. A step which “went out the window” not to long after I arrived back in Canada, and by “went out the window” I mean became lost within the constant and continuous swarm of thoughts, feelings and emotions of the mind, to the point where this simplistic common sensical first step was not effectively walked or established. Humbling to say the least that it has taken me a year to get to back to step one and realize that I had not effectively placed this step. I see that this will require diligence to effectively establish. From my perspective I should walk this basic simple step of working a consistent job for a year. I see that I must practically design my life based on principles. And then within sticking to and walking these principles that I am actually able to change myself. I see that I had not actually effectively “placed a design” so to speak, which to ‘follow’ and because of this, I fell back into following my pre-programmed life. Interesting. The whole point of Desteni, and Process is for one to Step Out of their pre-programmed life. This means that for every program that one is living as their pre-program, one must effectively place an “alternative” so to speak, where one essentially lay out for oneself, how they are going to walk, how they are going to communicate, how they are going to move, to sleep, to speak to shit, to breathe. How one is going to interact with others, where one is going to get money, how they will go about getting money. Everything must be considered. One then is literally re-designing their world. Ok so for this first “Step A” design point, I require to stabilize myself within the system by getting a regular job. This must be a full-time job working a normal 40 hour work week. A part time job will not do. That is it. It is a simple point. Yet because of my programming, if I do not deliberately place this as “what I am going to do” as a course of action, then I will then just continue to follow my programming. Ok cool. In terms of Content of this job. This is not priority, from the perspective that Money is the Key aspect of this element. A paycheque that comes in monthly. Content should support what is best for all within the consideration of where and how I can be most effective within process given my current placement. At the moment I am seeing myself in Canada, where eventually I will have a House and Land. In terms of Education, I am not clear on this yet. Points I am looking at Education Psychology Politics not necessarily in that order. Another aspect of this re-design, is that it will be based on principle. There will be no "feeling attached" to the words as the design as the steps that I will take. It is simply using mathematics to equate what point will accumulate to the next in the equality equation and amount to what is best for all. Anything to do with "feeling" is the mind, is my programmed life, and thus I must place the points in practical common sense, and stick to them within and as principled living.

Equality Either Lives or Dies by Your Hand.

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I see that I wanted equality to manifest, to happen, and then YAH it would be here, be accepted and then one would be able to expressive themselves within this point of equality. Yet I missed the point of “how it would get here” I missed the point that this is actually directly related to my participation. I did not see this, even though I have been told this before, numerous times, but this point escaped me, This point as the clear blue sky became clouded and foggy and I could no longer see this point but all I see is the clouds and the fog. So there is a momentary clearing here so I am writing this down as a record of what I see. I see that Equality is directly related to my participation and expression as equality. The equality that I see and have come to understand within my participation in process is a point which not many see, and this “Not Many” is less than what I even perceive I am sure. I see that I was waiting for equality to come. I see that I did not see myself as the one to bring forth equality. I see that my direct participation with and as equality is directly related to if, when, and how equality emerge. Thus if I hold back, if I wait, then equality sit there dormant. Why...My understanding is as follows. Because people do not understand what equality is as it is being shared in process. Equality is not programmed, meaning it has no points to connect to within the current system. It has no place in the current system. Equality does not exist within this world as this world is this system which has no room for equality...why? Because equality will destroy the system. Why would anything make room for something that will destroy it. Lol. This world is designed to make sure than anyone which support life and self expression feels inadequate. As they become inadequate in the system as that which they support is actually not a part of the system, thus it cannot connect to the system, they cannot connect to the system and end up with not system support, no money, no voice, and perceive themselves as inadequate. So yes I see that I had “sat back” and was waiting. Waiting for more people to come forth and support equality, not considering the point that these people do not just “come forth” but that they must be ‘gotten’ meaning, would I have even realized the point of equality if I had not see a desteni video. Unlikely as I see that the context that desteni presented was not something that I had herd anywhere before. It was as if the entire context of Desteni was “out of this world” Equality is not pre-programmed but must be a self-directive Act. Meaning nothing is going to come to me and say “Hey please talk to me about equality” or I am not going to suddenly stumble upon some ‘outlet’, out there in the system that is a match for my equality ‘plug’ Essentially I see that I and that we within the desteni process are the source of equality and thus it is not “out there” anywhere. We are the very edge, the very outside ripple of equality expanding through our self will and self direction into an ocean that has never touched equality before. Like giving birth to equality if those that stand for equality sit back and wait, then equality also sit back and wait. I have yet to take an “active role” in bringing forth equality by introducing it to others, yet I now see that if I do not introduce it, if I do not bring it forward and place it into someone’s life, they will never see it. They will never have the opportunity that I had when desteni place themselves into my world through by placing the website and placing the videos. It seems difficult at times when my entire world do not understand equality, but it is common sense that if I sit back and wait...that, because the entirety of my world is not aware of this point, that there is no point within my world that will bring this point of equality into it. Thus I cannot wait for it. I am the point within my world that must bring forth the point of equality and the emergence of equality is from this perspective my responsibility. The question is. Why do I give up and give in on this point – Do I really want equality in my world. Am I really willing to do what it takes to bring this point forth into my world so that equality does not only exist within my bedroom! But exist also in my household, my world environment, etc. If I do not ‘spread’ equality than thats it, it stops. ‘Spreading’ Equality is not preaching equality. I cannot convince someone of equality, but I can ‘introduce’ it to them. So that is the point I see. That I am able to introduce equality into my world. And that within this context, Equality either Lives or Dies by my Hand

How to give yourself a Headache – Don’t try this at Home.

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Ok so I’ve got a bit of a headache at the moment. This headache was interesting as it started early in the evening like suddenly. Normally there is a more gradual process involved but today it was like suddenly in one moment I could see that I had “the beginning of a headache”. I have been suppressing some points today, and procrastinating somewhat. Though the specific point when the headache arrived is as follows. I went to the coffee shop and book store to just “get out of the house” get a coffee and look around at some books, just ‘unwinding’ a bit. While in the bookstore I started looking at books related to marketing and branding as this is related to the point I am currently busy with which is setting up a graphic design service through a website where I will offer Custom Logo Designs. I do have doubts around doing this and one being in relation to “my experience level” with this kind of thing, as I do not have a certified degree in marketing or business. Anyways I was found a book specifically related to Logos which was quite cool as I enjoy reading about this process and basically at the moment I am collecting all the necessary vocabulary so that I am able to operate within this industry and be able to “talk the talk” so I enjoy reading about how others go about doing Logo and Branding Design as I can pick up Key words, terms, phrases, ideas etc about the process so that as I design how I am going to set everything up I have some guidelines so to speak. After a while of sitting there looking through this book I decided it was time to go home now and possibly get a few points placed in relation to my own website I am setting up. The process is slow at the moment as I am having to essentially model my design and how it will work very much off of what other people have placed. In fact I have found one designer in particular who basically has his process laid out for all to see, so from a certain perspective am using this as a template to form my own ‘system’ in terms of how to set everything up until I get more experience and then can direct it accordingly. After reading the book for a while (Around 15 min) I placed the book back in the shelf and started to leave the store. I immediately noticed something that was not there before I sat down and started reading this book. I noticed a build up of pressure, like a very slight headache in the back of my head. So something occurred since the time I sat down and started reading the book, to when I stopped. It was like as I read the book, I started bring up, thoughts, and ideas, and uncertainties, and excitement, and basically activated this entire point that I have been working with for while now and as I left the store experienced a slight headache in the back of my head. This indicate to me that I have created allot of energy around this point. It made sense because this point of setting up this whole Logo Design point has been challenging at times, and especially over the last few days in getting the structural layout and placement of the content together has not been easy but I have really had to labour and work my way through it. I mean when I read about in books, it all seems so easy, like I get it. But then when it gets down to actually placing the structure for myself I simply do not have the experience and so it does not just flow out of me but I have to find the information and arrange it word by word. So that initial starting point of that headache that was triggered in that moment in the book store quite quickly escalated into a full blown headache within a few hours, And due in part to how I have been participating with this logo point where I have had allot of judgements and doubts, and uncertainties about it and basically pressurizing the points within me instead of “moving them through” by directing them physically and pushing myself to simply walk through this stage of placing the content so that I can just get this point through. Instead I have suppressed the point at times and so as a consequence end up with a headache like this one where in I go into suppression instead of expression and direction.

Anxiety Demon – Shoulders and Back Pressure

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I had an interesting point come up today. I could see today that I was experiencing quite a bit of anxiety. I could immediately identify that yes I was experiencing this anxiety but was not able to pin-point exactly why, or what was the point or points that I was working with/ dealing with. So this energetic possession I experienced moving within me was quite prominent, and I did experience myself being possessed by it as I was not able to relax. This was quite strange because there was not “real reason” why I would be experiencing this point today. From a certain perspective it seemed out of context, that is why it was so odd. Firstly because it was out of context, and secondly it just kind of came over me...in fact if I look I see that I was experiencing this point when I woke up this morning. I have been busy lately and having to direct and move many points so I can relate this energetic anxiety to this, though even in looking at/investigating these points today in relation to this experience I was having, it had no affect on this energetic experience take over. I experienced allot of pressure in my upper upper back, in my shoulders. This point did not “move into a headache” as it often does, but rather I experienced a compounding build up of pressure moving into, and in a way being stored in my shoulders which created quite a pressure and pain and strain there. It was a heaviness there also and a tenseness, so like this anxiety within myself accumulating and building up and sitting in my upper back shoulders area. Then at around 9 oclock tonight the point released. I do experience still traces of this , though I experience myself as more relaxed and actually able to stop. As one of the characteristics of this energetic possession I experienced today is not actually being able to stop. Its like I am stuck on auto mode and I just do stuff, though am not able to be here, and to stop. Its like I am unable to stop myself. There was one specific point which I did eventually get to tonight at around the time I experienced this energetic point release, which was the point of writing some content for my website, but in assessing my daily activities today I did not see that I was suppressing this point, but that I would eventually get to it, which I did, though here, to simply consider the point of am I able to be more specific with myself and that as I move within my process I will require to become more and more specific within myself and within my self-direction. The content I did eventually “get to” around the time the energetic possession point released had to do with sorting out basically the “money aspect” business I am developing. I had some reservations and uncertainties about facing this point as I did not know exactly how I would place the content and also see a point of ‘doubt’ or ‘inadequacy’ within this point I was facing where I saw myself as “not equal to the task”. The task being the service which I will be offering in the business and more specifically the money that I would be asking for it. As the service alone I am confident of, it is when money gets involved that I start to go into a reactive state. I see that I did “create the point” to be ‘important’ where I gave it a certain value as I had actually feared it and was uncertain about it so was in my day often looking at the point and so from this perspective building it up and so experienced some nervousness towards approaching it, but also wanting to get it moving as well. Ok well that’s all for tonight. Andrew.

Breath Walking – Desteni Process Blog.

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Today I was up early to shovel snow. And again tomorrow as well. The forecast is calling for a few days of snow coming up so I will be breathing and simply walking one day at a time. I have noticed a bit of a tendency lately to slightly go into a form of ‘pushing’ from the perspective of ‘pushing within and urgency’ So this is a Red Light as the point as I see it is to Stop. And no more accept and allowing that ‘urgency’ to direct me, to come in through the back door and kind of massage its way ‘into me’ without me noticing. I worked on some graphic design stuff today, as well as mind construct stuff and other computer work. Though as I have been writing about lately is the point of Self-Direction from the perspective of slowing myself down to a Stop, so that I actually stop, and get out of my mind. I realize that there is no point in attempting to do what’s best from the perspective of doing this from the mind. I must stop and get here into the physical. And I am interested to see how this goes as well, to actually Stop, and see what this is like. So I see the point of keeping it simple coming up here and not overcomplicating things, but rather just keep it simple and breath and be here. I noticed that I was carrying a belief around that “it is not possible to be Here in the system” meaning that because of how everything is set up in terms of the world system that it is not actually possible to be Here. I have realized that this is just a belief so now am in the process of living the realization I had that “wait a minute - I don’t have to live in anxiety all the time actually” So have really been pushing me to take my time with points past couple weeks. Like a turtle! lol. Winter will be over soon hear in Canada and so I have one more month of doing snow removal and then that job will be over. And I must say I am actually quite grateful how this point has worked out so far. It actually supported me through the winter when I was not successful at finding a stable a job so this was a very cool temporary solution. Though it will be done soon. Because of this I have been busy lately working on my Logo for the graphic design service. I have gone through many revisions to get to a point where I am satisfied with the “lay-out” and today a point came through which I was satisfied with and so will be able to move from this point now and also co-incidentally my paypal funds went through so will be purchasing the web-host asap and getting the graphic design point set up on wordpress. Will be nice now to move into this stage and get some physical points placed to see how it will move. I really have no idea of the system will start generating money within the month, or if it will take three months or 6 months. I am still learning when it comes to doing stuff like this so I will find out as I go in a way. I mean I can do some preliminary assessments but then I am required to test the point in actual real 3d to see what is effective and what is not working etc... So what is here now is to simply get the basics laid out on the website and start by getting an “introductory add” together to get initial clients. So if the point moves effectively within the next month and I see I will generate sufficient income for me to support myself then cool – when my snow job is finished on the 21st then I will be able to make the transition into this next business. Though if it will require more refining and time before it starts generating income then I will start around mid march to start looking for a summer job. I have never tested the “graphic design” market before. It ‘seems’ like there many people that require this service though as I mentioned, I must test what I see, and what “seems like” the case. So that is some points that I am busy with at the moment. And Breathing. Remembering to Breath when the surges of anxiety come up as a form of fear of not having enough money and running out of money and what if things don’t work out, and so when this occur, I breathe, and do not participate because there is no point to participating. I see these surges as my program, as my pre-design, as my mind, as that which is there to keep me locked into "myself as the mind" So I see that effective support Here is to Breath and remain Here, and move the physical. Movement of the physical is Key, and that this movement takes place once one is consistent and constant within their application, otherwise movement is slow or does not take place at all, so here this is where I use breath as a support within self direction and self movement and I move myself. And I experiment and explore this application of breath as support to get myself here and stabilize myself Here within consistent application and movement of self here in the physical. Andrew

Self Reflection on Consistency and Constancy

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I have a sore throat at the moment. I haven’t experienced a sore throat like this in a while so it is a ‘new’ point. It is not overly painful or anything like that. It is just a bit tender and scratchy. I have been busy the last few days, and have been pushing myself to be more busy. Though within this I have realized that I must do this in breath otherwise I will crash, or fall, or end up in a battle with energy, attempting to fight energy and that I have found is not cool and not sustainable and not ‘constant’. So I have been seeing this point of breath, and Here and the physical as a cool reference point the last few weeks and have been focusing on slowing myself down so that I can actually start getting myself effective within my world and within this reality and actually live that which I up to now have ‘wanted’ to live but have not yet been able to practically live in fact. And this is simply to be effective within my reality and within myself. It is not to do something amazing or anything like that, it is just to be effective. I mean if I cannot be effective within my world in my application then there is no point of taking on anything else, so it is simply a point of getting myself consistent within my application and effective in my basic day to day tasks. I realize that I have to stop, that everything and anything I do is not going to be effective unless I am Here. So have been really pushing myself to slow down and get Here. And so push past my accepted and allowed energetic boundaries, doing this by not allowing myself to focus so much on energy. Obviously it is to stop energy all-together as I see it but for the moment I realize that it is still a process. So I have not been able to be totally here the last few days. I see it like this... Like a treadmill, you can run and run and run and run and really work up a sweat running your ass off on the treadmill, but you actually never get anywhere. Rather Stop, and be Here, which means to step onto solid ground (the physical)and walk And then you actually move, and you do not have to run and race, because even in simply walking you cover much more ground than you ever did running your ass off on the treadmill. I find when I am Here I am calm, but the last few days I have been in a bit of anxiety to and towards my world. Like over what might happen in the future or this week or tomorrow and making sure everything is in place. So I have been focusing on physical movement so I don’t get to the end of the day and think, “oh I wish I would have done that” though I have noticed that at the end of the day I still experience myself in a kind of rush to get each thing done, and so this is where I see the point of me not being here, as long as that little ‘twinge’ of ‘hurry’ and ‘rush’ exist inside of me, I am not Here. Writing Self Forgiveness I found with the Self Forgiveness that I was writing within the SRA course on mind constructs there was quite a bit, so I experienced a point of “a deadline” and found I tended to rush to meet this deadline instead of being Here when I wrote the Self Forgiveness. Pushing to hard – I see I am doing this. I am pushing to hard, and this indicate I am moving and directing myself within and as and from the starting point of fear, as fear is the reason I push to hard, as “I must move” and it is that ‘must’ which is the point of fear and anxiety that “I am not doing enough” And so this is where I see the sore throat point coming in. As I am over extending myself trying to cover to many points at once instead of giving myself enough time for each point and then focusing on that point, and doing it and not allowing me to become distracted by the mind and go off on these little mind holidays, but rather focus on the task at hand, and direct the necessary physical points to complete the task and then move onto the next task. If something takes to long there is no point in going into fear over it as this only indicate that you/I am existing from a mind perspective, as within the mind, any “change of plans” is like the world ending. I see that within my world, I jam pack all these points tightly together in a day and think ok I am going to get this stuff done today, but I experience myself as if I am always “right on the edge” meaning ‘one little slip up’ and that’s it, my world will crash down. And from a certain perspective this is true. This is how I have accepted and allowed myself to design and create my world, where there is no room for one little mistake because if this happens the chain of events might lead to me end up missing my rent or something like that, so this is a point with regards to how I have created my world. I noticed this before so it is cool to see this point again and realize Ok, I must direct myself within my world in such a way where I give myself some “breathing room” The way I see to do this which I have discussed before is consistency and constancy. I mean if I can just remain constant in my application , that is like walking here in breath all day long instead of spending half the day speeding on the treadmill actually getting nowhere. I see consistency and constancy and more like nature, like the tide coming or even more, like snow. Snow is fascinating because when it is snowing it can be this light fluffy stuff coming from the sky and you just observe it and it falls, it does not rush onto the ground, it simply falls and slowly but surely it accumulates. So slowly you can almost not even see it accumulate. And then in one single night as you sleep the accumulation of the snow – not rushing – but just falling flake after flake brings an entire city to a halt and then there is a massive amount of attention and energy that must then be directed on this point. So slow and steady