Category Archives: Self forgiveness – Purification

SRA – “Structural Resonance Alignment” Experiences and Applications

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So today I have been facing the point of family as well as the point of money. The family point is ‘new’ from the perspective of some of my relatives “coming out of the woodwork” to start to comment on some of the videos I share on my facebook page. I thought that eventually I would face this point, and so this is the first time this has come up with my relatives posting on my profile. One cool point is that it pushed me in a way to get specific with myself from the perspective of looking at self from the perspective of “what is it I am actually doing” So Here, like taking ‘Desteni’, and “my participation” and “my life” and really, “much stuff” into consideration in terms of looking at “what exactly is going on” and establish for myself more clarity and resolve within myself in terms of not accepting points of “not knowing exactly what I am doing” do basically, pushing me to really consider ‘things’ to as mentioned establish a stability and resolve of self. I mean it has taken some time for me to realize that I am walking this process. And even within this still experience a point of “dis-belief” that I am doing this. I see this in relation to not yet have established a clear and stable starting point of Self as the starting point, within walking this process. But am still trying to walk a process, instead of simply investigating self in a way. I did some SRA stuff tonight which has been quite cool. I still have to push myself to do this point, as each time there is resistance. I have started to really slow myself down while doing SRA, particularly Muscle Communication. Tonight was cool, one point I have started doing more frequently is “writing about my experience” as I walk through the lessons of doing Muscle Communication, to assist and support me to clear myself of all of the anxieties and uncertainties and doubts I have within doing MC (Muscle Communication) and start to write them out in front of me on paper. So my MC (Muscle Communication) Sessions are not just doing MC but is becoming a process of me slowing myself down, investigating self which is quite cool. I used to experience this point while painting and doing art work, in a way where I would actually “investigate myself” and just explore and write about what I see, and test things out, and really look within myself at the experience of self. And so this “in a way” is what MC has started to emerge as for me. I have had to really stop me and bring myself HERE. As I have found if I am not Here, and aware of self in the moment, then the MC will be useless so to speak, so have been “setting time aside” so to speak, because I know/expect that when I go into a MC session that I am going to allow myself to take my time. So have been taking on this point of writing while doing MC, and supporting me to see the anxieties and to see self and the experience of me in relation to MC as I apply myself within it. So have enjoyed of late the Self investigative aspect of doing MC.

Writing Out My Day – Slowing Down to Direct Points More Effectively

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So sitting in my bed and listening / hearing the wind outside my window blowing in some clouds. It will most likely snow tonight which means I will be up early to do the “snow removal circuit”. I am actually looking forward to it. I actually enjoy doing the snow removal, I enjoy the experience of the quiet mornings as well as clearing the snow from the walks and driveways, carving a nice clean segment out of the snow to reveal the cement underneath. Its satisfying. Also will see if I can “move” this whole point over the weekend as there has not been much snow this month yet, so will see what kind of ‘movement’ comes out of the point. Meaning I will see if I get any phone calls or new contacts over the next few days. Someone e-mailed me today about a potential contract that seemed quite perfect. Though e-mailed back telling me that he hired someone else but if things don’t work out he will hire me. I experienced in that moment instantly a negative charge, I did not “go into the point” and simply let the energy go through me so to speak, and not dwell on the point. It was an “obvious reaction” point and saw no point to “go into it” rather just let it go. That was one of the first contacts since a “changed my add” and so in way am still looking to get that first client to prove to me that the add is in fact effective. So walking through this point of trusting myself to in way “Re-Walk” the point I just walked over the last month and gather some more clients. And not allow fear to paralyze and petrify into a point of taking no direction or making no new changes. Still busy setting up points of income generation in my world. I have eased off of the art /graphic design point for a moment though will see if I push it or not. Tomorrow I am expecting a call from furniture assembly place to meet up for an interview so will see what happens with that as well. I noticed the point today where I want and desire my world to move quickly. Where I try and move my world with my mind, instead of simply remaining here, breathing, and realizing that the physical only move at one pace directly in relation to ones physical actions within ones world. I see that at times when “things aren’t happening” I experience anxiety emerge, like “I should be doing something” and still have not completely sorted out this point from the perspective of Trusting Myself within my application to Trust that I have taken necessary direction and must simply wait for the point to play out, meaning, the result does not happen immediately but is bound the rules and movements of space time. Also noticing this point in relation to my forum / internet / writing / vlogging etc...work. I noticed today that I was ‘trapped’ in a kind of rushing through each point, wanting to get allot done. I realized that “what is the point”. Meaning I can do 10 things halfway and at the end of the day have nothing done, and really have missed windows of opportunity to actually give points that come up direction because I am only giving them a small amount of attention, as I find I am “stretched across” doing multiple things at once, but in fact am actually really doing nothing, but glazing over everything. So from this perspective the correction is to focus on 1 thing at a time, and simply take on that point from the perspective of it being the only point you are going to do that day. Within doing this I give the point my full attention Here. And give the point direction into completion. Then when the point is directed, I move onto the next one, instead of spreading myself across 10 different things at once. So have to Flag Point this one, and simply direct myself effectively in that which I am doing in the moment giving the task at hand the focus and specificity it requires to actually be directed effectively.

Not Wanting to Move, out of fear of messing up a “Good Thing”

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Writing Out My Day. First, I will slow myself down, breathe, and ok, write. I woke up a 7am and had a few things to do today, one being “posting my new add” from my Snow Removal Service am offering where I was basically ‘refining’ and ‘tweaking’ my already existing add which I placed 22 days ago. Interesting 21 days was the first initial phase of “my business” where I am the Manager, administrator, labourer, accountant, marketer...etc. Its just me at the moment, but just observing the interesting point of this first phase Lasting 21 days. A few days ago, as I was looking at the point of “gathering everything in, refining, and then re-placing everything, in terms of just getting more specific with the details of the business, and in a way preparing to expand. The point that came up was that I saw within me, a fear of doing this, in that, “I might fuck it up” or “mess something up” The phrase surfacing inside of me was, “if it aint broke, don’t fix it”. So I simply am walking though this point and not allowing it to direct me, meaning I restructured and tweaked the add, and refined the Logo, as well. So rather I direct me within this point, not fear. I did not want to change the picture because “what if there was points within how I placed and structured my initial add that was “attracting customers” and if I change something, I might fuck up the geometry that is triggering people to reply to the add. Though what is the point if I do not understand what is actually working about the add, and thus why not refine the point, place it and then assess the “feedback” so that I become clear on how the entire point is actually functioning. And what is at the bottom of this Fear - MONEY, Fear of "Not Making Money" of changing something and "stopping the flow of money" Ok so simply see here a point of Self Trust, where I, rather than give into this fear, walk in Self Trust, and Common Sense, and allow myself to push through the fears, and even challenge the fears, and Trust Myself to "Keep It Practical" and allow me to "Live the Point" into effectiveness, instead of allowing me to go into a paralysis out of fear of making a mistake.

Responsibility and Obligation coming through in DREAMS about Quiting my Job.

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I am going to write about a dream I had last night. I haven’t yet been ‘through’ this dream in detail, so will see what comes up here. This is in relation to my experience over the last two months with regards to the job I held at a “Horse Ranch” which I simply could no longer support from the perspective of the “point of abuse” I experienced in relation to my position or role in the system they had going there to keep everything moving as well as how “I was being considered” from the perspective of “what I was responsible for and how much money I was being paid to do it” So I decided to no more continue with the job and go back to finding myself another job. I sent an e-mail last Monday making it clear on my position and that I would no longer be continuing work there. Though last night at about 8:00pm I received an e-mail asking me to work the next day. I was not pleased as I had already let this point go, and this e-mail showed either a continuation of the manipulation I observed going on before, or that they simply never received the e-mail. I at first felt ‘obligated’ to work the next day as if I am the one who was responsible for the situation and that I must work, as it is my responsibility to see that all communication is clear, understood, and clarified which it obviously was not as something was missed. I e-mailed explaining that I had already sent an e-mail, I then re-explained my position and asked them to confirm that they did indeed receive this mail by sending me a return mail. I received nothing and by that time it was already around midnight so did not want to phone. So I looked at the point and decided that I would not go. Though I felt extremely guilty, I decided that in this case it is there responsibility as well to ensure their system is running, where in fact here they were not specific within communication waiting until the very last minute to contact me, and thus I help my initial point of deciding to no more support “the system I found myself in while working there” I wondered if I was even going to able to sleep because of the experience I was having inside my self of the obligation I felt to work for them to no leave me hanging, though not considering my own standing on the point and not allowing guilt to influence the decision. The next morning I after I woke up which I deliberately slept in so that I would not have to face the point if I were to wake-up early, so I slept in, as well the night before watching movies as an attempt to distract myself from this situation. Seeing now the importance of ensuring ones communication is always clear, direct and received, otherwise if one leave points hanging one end up in experiences like the one I experience last night, as well as which come through in my dreams as I slept. The Dreams as follows. There were three scenarios. Each one the same from the perspective of “morning arriving” and me showing up ‘late’ to the farm to see if someone had “taken responsibility” for where I saw myself as having “left them hanging” so experienced much guilt. In each of the scenarios I was actually living on the farm, so basically was right there and able to work, though in real life, it is an hour drive out to the farm, and at the moment my vehicle has a spare so did not want to minimize the driving. So in the dream I approached the barn, and began to peer my head around the corner to see if anyone was in the barn, I experienced allot of nervousness. In the first dream there was someone sweeping the barn. So they had found someone to give direction to the point, I experienced a sense of relieve. It was a women/girl and I walked into Barn I bit hesitant that I would be “looked down upon” or “get in trouble” or “seen as irresponsible” as I approached the girl she had no reaction what so ever. And was actually quite friendly. She actually was a bit new at the job so I offered to assist now that I was there in. So we both worked together to direct the animals and duties and I experienced a point of flow, no friction or animosity or resentment. The second dream was the same in how it started, and it was a girl there tending to the duties that i had perceived myself to have “left hanging” and now had to face. Only this time it was the girl that usually works there, I said hello, and she said hello as she was sweeping the floor then suddenly you could hear anger and resentment coming through in her voice as she began to attack me. This was actually the reaction that I feared inside myself upon approaching. And this is one of the points that in real life I observed within this girl, this point of anger, resentment sitting there below the surface waiting get out, waiting for someone to take it out on, and obviously was in by continuing to work there setting myself up to be that person. A point at which her father was already utilizing within communication with me, showing absolute enslavement to his own inner frustrations, blame, and anger, and taking them out on me because “I worked there” Within this entire experience a point that is now coming through is that I must trust myself in these things I see “under the surface” and not simply ignore them. Also in the dream there was the other guy, Ricardo who worked on the farm and he came walking around the corner and I felt guilty. He represents that point of Responsibility, and always “doing the right thing” So I did not want to look him in the eye because in a way by me not showing up meant that he would have to take up the extra slack, and that he was already overworked. So it was quite a dream / experience. I was ‘startled’ in the morning of how I received an e-mail of no more than two sentences basically saying “ok, sorry I missed your e-mail, good luck in the future” something along those lines, which the event in itself lasted all of 30 seconds and that was it. There was not some “big explosion reaction consequence” that I was expecting or feared to have happen. So seeing here how I completely went into the mind on this point specifically linked here into the point of “Obligation” and “Responsibility” being the two primary points I am seeing that I am looking at here. Other than that, I sent out two Job applications today One to a Dog Walking Company And One two a “water filtration company” looking for a part-time graphic designer. In terms of the Dog Walking, well for both of these jobs for that matter, I am going to take my time. Meaning not simply jump at anything that comes up, but get to know the people individuals I will be working with and ensure that I can actually walk the established time frames with these beings. And not ignore any “red flags” that come up. Like for example a company offering Dog “obedience” – I mean what the fuck – lol but also “walk the point” meaning actually discuss these points with the company to see if my ‘perceptions’ remain or if they were actually just points I created in my mind without any real reference point. Though I mean at the desteni farm and from my perspective you create an environment for your animal so that they can simply live here in support on this earth as well. Its not about making a Dog Obedient, as your slave, thats fucked up Ego Shit. I mean calling your Dog is straight forward, and developing communication with your Dog cool, but anyways that word ‘obedience’ triggers a “master/slave” point inside of me. Otherwise, I am still here. In my world, and am busy looking for work and jobs to earn money for myself. And actually start generating money so I can actually move in this world, instead of always making just enough so that I can survive and break even every month.

“Sustaining a Point” – Standing Up is this World

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Sustaining a Point. At the moment I am seeing a point here with regards to ‘sustainment’. This is the point of seeing that in order to ‘exist’ within the current world system. It requires one to actually ‘sustain’ that motion or application. I see that this has been quite a resistance point for me within my life, where in I must ‘sustain’ something, particularly if it had anything to do with the system. But as I am here at this moment, walking through this point of “finding myself a job” in this world to earn money as a practical support point, I am seeing that, If I would actually like to “Stand-Up” within this system that I am going to have to do exactly that which I have resisted doing for many years, that being, actually ‘sustain’ the point. Actually “take-on” projects or relationships in the system which I must then ‘commit’ to. One of the ‘problems’ I had within finding work or jobs in this system, is I simply could not bring myself to commit to them. Mostly because they were ‘empty’ or ‘pointless’ from my perspective anyhow. Though at the moment these ‘excuses’ or any other ‘idea’ or ‘opinion’ I can come up with as to why I am not yet ‘committing’ to a job in this world, are not, within where I now stand in awareness of the point of Self-Responsibility, Valid. My current understanding of Self – Responsibility is actually supporting me at the moment to stand up within this world. I have started to realize that I am alone. That no one is going to help, assist, support, save, provide, motive, encourage, pull me up on my own two feet, but that this must, and only can be done by me. That is not to say that assistance and support from others is not Here. It is a realization that to Stand on my own two feet, that I must do this alone without the expectation, hope, desire, want, or need of others to ‘help’ To realize one is alone is actually empowering, because then one simply stop looking outside self for support and assistance, and really start to support oneself in what ever way possible to Stand-Up within this world and Support a Solution that is best for all. I realize that I must Stand Here under my own steam. I realized that even a belief that “I cannot do it” is no longer acceptable. Any reason I come up with, feel, or experience as to “what is holding me back”, “where I am unable to stand”, “why I am unable to do this”, “what is preventing me,” “where I am limited”, within this process is simply not valid, and I can no longer accept and allow that to direct me, as that is me “giving-up” that is me, saying that “I cannot do it”, without actually investigating these apparent “shortfalls” I don’t have enough time I don’t have enough money I don’t have a car I don’t have the right skills I am not smart enough I am so far behind This will never work Everyone else is better than me and more qualified than me I don’t have enough education. I see the point that all of these excuses simply do not hold up against my awareness and understanding of self-responsibility. Because Self-Responsibility implies that there are no excuses. And within this I see how an excuse is really an accepted and allowed limitation that one can either decide to accept or not. I see that I can no longer accept any excuse or justification as to why “I cannot do this”.

ALL are Walking DEAD – Not One is Alive.

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So today I am re-organizing a few things. Yesterday I gave notice to “my job” at the Horse Ranch that I would no longer be working there. So today basically starting again with looking for work in this world, in this system, and looking at various ways of generating an income for myself in this world. So also looking at how to utilize my skills within Visual Art to do this, thus also starting with some promotion and research into graphic design, illustration and things like this. Partly because after my last experience working “for others” the question came up of “how long I am going to do this for”, meaning, work “for other people”. I mean the principle in itself is fine, working with others so to speak, though into today’s world and economic system money and self interest is now bread so Deep within the human being, that to “work for another” is in most cases “to become a slave” to those with money who will pay you. There is actually no regard, consideration, or insight into what is actually here on this earth as a System which support the creation of a malicious, deceptive, self interested human being. Money is Power and those with Money use it as such, and simply justify their existence with money and their ability to control others by paying them. I mean who cares what you really do Actions are irrelevant – Actions have become irrelevant Not body gives a fuck about what they are doing What they are concerned with is “How much money do they get” Our Actions within this world are Not in Alignment with Living in and Equilibrium with Earth. We are so fucking blinded by money that one is unable to see that their current day to day actions are actually harming the earth, harming themselves, and others, This all gets “sideswiped” when “the cheque comes in” which allow someone to justify what they do. And in a way “see nothing wrong with it”. Humanity is BLIND. Which allows an individual to justify abusing the earth, themselves, and others. As long as they get paid, or turn a profit. I am also busy today filing out forms for “repayment assistance” on my student loan which I ‘signed’ when I was 19 years old. 10 years later and I have not paid a single dollar back on the loan, even though I have made hundreds of dollars a year in payments on the interest so that I “don’t fall behind” I mean this process alone that I am currently busy with in filing out these forms reveal “the state of this world” the “state of the system” that we as humanity have all collectively participated in. And that we have all allowed, and supported, and created. Thus each one is responsible for how we are currently existing. So I am busy spending time filing out papers so that “I qualify” for re-payment assistance. Processes and Systems that one must ‘spend’ time and attention on, not so they can “live a dignified life”, but so that can “just survive”. Though this is the system we have created, this is the system that I have allowed to exist by doing nothing. By seeing myself as to small, to insignificant, to do anything, not knowing exactly what I should do. And so have allowed this current system to prevail by allowing these excuses and beliefs inside me. And of course, believing that someone else will do it. The younger generation will do it. Those that are qualified will do it. But the fact of the matter is that it is the responsibility of everyone here on this earth to do it. And not simply “leave it someone else” “leave it to some group” while you simply go about living out your life in ignorant bliss. All must stand up and take responsibility for what is here and what we have allowed, and re-educate ourselves so that we can actually each and everyone of us here, support the emergence of a new world. To do nothing, is to simply allow this world to continue existing as it is. I have realized for myself that all must be given an equal opportunity and that it is not about the evolution of self alone amongst the many, attempting to “be all you can be” No. It is about the evolution of ALL, together, where each individual on this earth, Stand as that ALL, and Always, in every moment, act in the best interest of all as the starting point of themselves. To observe what we are doing at desteni from the sidelines and do nothing is deception. Because the truth is – Those who “stand-by” do not actually have a solution for this world. Yet the point is simple in terms of what we are saying. Stop placing yourself before the All. All one has to do is see how they live their lives and see if they are busy working on a solution that considers each and every single human being, plant, and animal on this earth. Or are you just busy with “your own life” Suggest to investigate the Solution Desteni is Presenting – Let go of judgements, and ideas about the point and actually investigate it. Desteni Suggest a World System Based on Equality and What is Best for ALL. And a part of this system will be the Re-Structuring of the Money System. And the elimination of Capitalism and Profit as a System that Governs Humanity and All on the Planet. Where abuse is allowed – where we all have allowed ourselves to “look the other way” at say for example the homeless man on the street or the starving dog in your neighbour hood. I mean do you not find it odd that one is actually not able to “comprehend” the deaths of millions broadcast on the News as casualties of war, where in one moment one can be watching a report on 40 by-standards killed in a suicide bombing then 15 minutes later be watching their favourite entertainment program and have forgotten all about the atrocities actually happening around them in every moment. Desensitized is not even the word to describe it. Obviously this showing that we as human beings are actually really DEAD in this world, the Walking Dead. So suggest to Research the Equal Money System Proposed by Desteni. Because each and everyone of us are responsible for what is Here. And are responsible for ourselves in educating ourselves on the true state of this world – Obviously it is easy to ignore. Interestingly because this world is a chaotic mess, yet we manage to remain oblivious to it. Mind Control. I mean how else can we simply live day to day and think everything is ‘OK’. So Visit www.equalmoney.org and re-educate yourself – pull yourself out of your grave. This life we live is not living – It is Dying, that is plain to see – And fucked-up how people will protect it, like its worth protecting. That is simply ego. So investigate an Equal Money System, a system based on Equality. This will not happen automatically, we must actually, as a Race, Create it. And it will take effort It will require one to re-consider their entire life. Obviously to ignore this is showing that one would rather just live out the rest of their lives placing their lives as that which is important over The Rest of Humanity. If that is not Ego, I don’t know what is. Most are not aware that they exist primarily as the Ego. And think “its normal” to “live your life” and enjoy yourself – Well yes, you are exactly right, it is ‘normal’ for who we have become – for the Walking Dead that we are and have believed ourselves to be. An Equal Money System is “not normal” by today’s standard, as it actually go “against” what we have currently accepted as life, An Equal Money is Based on Life, on Living, on Support of the Earth, on Self Expression, Expansion, Perfection, On a New Way of Living – A way of living that most do not even realize exists or is possible. Thus investigate for yourself and prove to yourself that you are at least willing to consider something “outside” of your bubble of perception which you believe is so magnificent. Its really not magnificent, its actually just suppression, denial, hatred, jealousy, fear, resentment – lol What a Fuck Up. Join us at Desteni in Bringing Forth a Solution for the Fuck-up of a world people are actually unable to see. Thus if you think this world is fine – Than I strongly suggest you research what we are saying at desteni I am One Vote For World Equality and an Equal Money System. www.equalmoney.org www.desteni.co.za

Layer of Depression – There’s no Point to it. – Nov 3 / 2010

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Layer of Depression - There's no Point to it. - Nov 3 / 2010   Ok one more point before I go to sleep. I have noticed that “my life” is like “all depressive” its like such a slight experience of myself but at the same time this “slight experience of depression” is constant, like it is there in the background of my experience each and every day, and in every moment. So have now identified this point in my world and within the experience of me so can now work with it here to no longer accept and allow this point of “depression” to simply exist in my world for “no apparent reason”. Its like I have simply just accepted this point, this way of being or experiencing myself or living within my world. Where there is like a layer of depression around me always, and is like a cloud that exist in my world always, where it is kinda groggy all the time. I mean there is no point to this but at the same time will have to identify specifically how I actually manifest this point within the experience of myself in my world.   At the moment I see the point of fun coming up from the perspective of identifying myself as one who is “boring” and really just bland in my day to day interactions, like pretty basic kind of living. Working on the computer, drinking coffee, writing, like basic shit, though there is not reason why I cannot enjoy and express me within this and be more “light” so to speak, because this “depression” point that I now see coming up in my world is “more heavy” Ok just thought Id write this out before sleeping.   Ok now I am going to bed, and also get up tomorrow in enjoyment, and actually live and enjoy me in this world, No point in being a stick in the mud.

Fear to Move Out Of Sub-Par Existence – October 29th/2010

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A point that I have observed in myself which has come up in relation to my job, is the point of accepting my own limitation by not pushing myself while I am around others, because I don’t want to trigger the point of jealousy in the other, and so instead I dum myself down, and essentially limit myself, and actually  simply allow those around me to dictate how I live my life.   I noticed this come up at work with regards to points around workplace that I see can be “fixed-up” and organized but have noticed I hold myself back from pointing these things, out or really taking these points on because I get the sense that it is “out of” the accepted way of doing things, and I realized that I actually compromised myself and am compromising myself  through not actually realizing that it is OK to to actually push myself and push others to become more specific and more directive in their worlds, and actually push myself here also to become more specific and directive in my world.   Its like in this one particular moment, I held back in directing myself to immediately take on a point that I saw because I didn’t want to be seen as doing something out of the accepted way of doing things. Specifically I did not want to “diminish” the other being in my presence. Its the point of jealousy, I noticed in a few instances, I held back actually fucking directing myself and directing a point because I do not want to trigger that point of jealousy reaction in other, where in they go into a form of reaction out of jealousy with regards to how I direct or apply myself.   Fuck, what I realized in this moment was that I am actually accepting and allowing myself to limit myself. And realized that this is/was actually how we ended up in this mess. Because we did not want to cause any friction. We did not want to stand up and act in a way that actually pushed people a little bit.   Its like I did not want them to say “don’t do that” and then come up with some excuse or reason why I “should not do that” or how “thats not the way things are done here” .   And what I see is that if I accept and allow this, I am actually accepting and allowing “this current system, and this current world” to dominate me. In other words, I am tacitly stating that I am actually in support of this current system, because I simply just allow it to have precedent over that which I have developed within myself as for example self will, and self determination.   I seen within this how so many squander within this world. Because Sub-Par is the accepted way things are. Everybody fights for Sub-Par. Even those that are effective fight for Sub-Par because this way they seem superior and dominant.  And I realized how in that moment, the “sub-par” remain the standard in this world. Because so many, as I did in that moment, accepted the “sub-par” as the dominating factor, and was unwilling stand in that moment, and actually stand-up and push and challenge myself, and within this actually push and challenge others as well.   In a way its easier to live in an unnoticed way Its easier to never push to hard, as to not make people feel like there not doing enough. Its like the point of supporting laziness.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing myself as this might cause others to resist me and have friction towards me, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to let my fear of other people influence me to not stand up and do anything about this world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within that which I have developed within myself as my application and discipline within walking, living, and applying myself in this world because I don’t want to make people feel bad, and react towards me for feeling bad.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people being jealous of me, because within this they may not enjoy me being around, because I push and move them out of there comfort bubble.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an observer in this world, never actually pushing myself to stand up within this world because in doing this it would cause to much friction in other peoples worlds, and there-in, I simply accept the sub-par as how things are, and be sure to remain under or on this line of “sub – par” as to not cause any reaction in another where they might observe within themselves something that requires a correction, and in this may become fearful or not wanting to give up who they are, and thus , lash out on me.   I forgive myself for not allowing myself  to push myself in the work place to be absolutely effective within my direction and actually look at the point from the perspective of a permanent solution.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply just do the bare minimum, instead of pushing and willing myself here to become effective within my application, in particular my practical application.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back within expressing myself within absolute clarity in communication as to not upset someone, and within this not fully honouring myself within creating my world the way I want, where I push myself and my world to the utmost specificity, because I see that this is a point I would like for myself, and thus allow me to give to myself as I see the ‘benefit’ this have on a being

Facing My Programming – Wanting to Run – Seeing I Can’t – Oct 25th 2010

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Facing My Programming – Wanting to Run – Seeing I Can’t So a pretty cool point here has opened up over the last three blog posts about my experience with my new job on a Horse Ranch. I wrote about some of the experiences and resistances that have been coming up and got some pretty cool feedback which basically assisted me to see that I was actually justifying the whole point of actually attempting to hide from these resistances, as if I could actually hide from them. As if these resistances are “out there” that if I were to go somewhere else that these resistances would go away, and that the very fact that I was experiencing these resistances meant that I was in the wrong place, which is actually as I now see it, A “neat and tidy” excuse to simply attempt to run. So the point I see here is that there is no running, that I cannot actually run from this point, even if I tried, I would be back at this point again, and simply would have to face it. I see this from the perspective of the point actually existing inside me as me. And thus, within standing up for and as equality and what is best for all, I will actually face these resistance points, which I see as the design of myself, as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and create myself as and who I am as myself as the programming I have given myself throughout my life through that which I have participated in and agreed upon either tacitly, implied or directly. What is fascinating about his point is how superbly the mind create a perfect picture, and reasoning as excuse which lay down the perfect road for one to take to escape the situation. It just “seems to make sense” It just seemed to make sense that I was in the wrong place. That really there was nothing I could do about the situation I was facing, about the resistance I was facing, and that oh yes, it is the right decision to “let the point go” I mean the wording of the excuse is exquisite, deceptive. It just seems like “the truth” I have found this to be a pretty cool example and point for me to see how the mind work. I faced this same point on the farm, and I walked away from a certain perspective. Now what is fascinating here is that I am facing this same point again, and in a way the experience of myself is much the same, yet the context is different, so how could it be that my experience is exactly the same...this indicate that the point I am facing, is actually a point within me. It is not dependant on the environment so to speak. The point actually exist inside me as my own creation of myself as how I have programmed myself. So I am going to get into some of the specifics here a bit. The two points that are coming up here is family, and commitment. Where in one of the points I noticed I reacted to in being on this farm is the point of family, from the perspective of “having an idea of how this would be” and also I see that in fact, I had really just projected these “family points” and my ideas around onto the situation and was not actually based in real walking assessment of the situation. Though Either way, it is irrelevant from the perspective of me making a decision to walk the point, where in if they turn out to be what I perceived and projected them to be does not make it in any way valid in that it still is simply an idea, a construct, and the point I see is about “how I react” to the situation, where there can be no reaction what so ever. And that as long as there is a reaction, I here am required to correct the point within me, until I can stand in front of any being, and mother, father, brother, sister, grandma, any point within the construct of family, and not longer react, but stand in silence. I see that I did/do not trust myself yet in actually being able to effectively assist and support myself within this walking of this point. I feared the point, and saw myself as bending and breaking under the pressure, instead of actually relieving the pressure within applying the tools that desteni has provided for this process, in self writing, self forgiveness, and corrective application, and utilizing the techniques provided in SRA, as well to actually take on my programming, and no longer accept and allow “pressure” meaning, any kind of pressure I experience is pressure I place on me, and that it never come from “out there” somewhere, and that I will have to be able to walk into the storm so to speak, and assist and support myself in walking through the points within disarming them from the perspective of seeing how and where I am still in reaction. And that I am responsible for every iota of reaction I experience inside me. So the point here is to actually trust myself within walking this point. So step one is to trust self within standing up. And now here is step two, which is self trust within walking, moving and directing myself. Where in a way, walk alone, and that one must realize that one is alone in it all. And establish trust and self at this level, where one walk alone, and one is Ok to walk alone, into any point, and not require something or someone else to depend on, to hold onto, one must simply let go of all dependency, all want, to have someone or something there with, and to establish trust for oneself in walking as self alone into eternity. I am beginning to see that everything that self holds onto will be taken away, because self must learn to trust and walk as self alone. Until there is stability, silence, acceptance and the realization that self do not need or require anything actually. So from this perspective this point that I am facing is a “long one” it was like a “long road” and I did not establish myself as actually being able to walk this “long road” alone. I mean, eternity is a long time, but I will start with just taking one step, then two, then walk a point as myself alone, and now here, in looking at this long road, realizing that I am actually capable of walking this within self trust, I simply had not yet considered doing this. So that’s pretty cool point, and in a way can ‘prepare’ for this, where I can assist and support me to establish myself within this point and realize also that the process must be walked alone. And here is simply a real physical timeline to support me to establish myself within walking alone. And now its time to trust me as the starting point of self trust within walking. Obviously there are beings on the forums and so forth to assist and support within sharing themselves within their walking, so in this way we all walk together. Though I see here the point of one establishing themselves as self reliant within being able to depend and rely on self alone, and not actually requiring anything else than that. So cool point of self trust and self walking here.