One of the more primary points I have faced since returning to the Matrix, to the world and begin setting up and living my life once more, after living two years on the Desteni Farm, is the overwhelmingness of everything, of the engulfing nature of the system, and specifically within this my communication with other beings. Where in the point of ‘Overwhelmingness’ comes up once again from the perspective of being faced with the point of that everyone I speak to does not have the same context so to speak, of what self honesty or self forgiveness or self responsibility or what it means to be equal or consider all life, as I have come to understand and have these points explained and shown to me. In this I have experienced a bombardment of sorts of beings speaking and living so blatantly from my perspective as systems, as predesigned ways and styles of speaking, communicating and interacting that is presented as a means of supporting specific constructs within this reality, such as to get sex, or be seen as cool, or to get attention, etc. So within this I experienced a point of overwhelmingness, and a fear that I would be swallowed up in a way, from the perspective of “how am I, one single point, supposed to stand, to last, amongst all of these other points which are everywhere and speaking the same language. I feared being amalgamated, that I would not be able to stand, and in this I experience an anxiety which comes up in my chest. This anxiety/fear is similar to the other points of fear that I had related to money where I would in a way “jump to conclusions” of what might happen, before giving myself some grace where in I actually assess my standing based on actually space time living, not simply assumptions of what may or may not happen based on nothing but projections into the future and ideas and beliefs of what might happen to me. I have had many discussions since returning to the Matrix. My First step was flying into Calgary where I had a few friends that said I could stay with them for a day or two while I got myself sorted. My experience of myself in Calgary was in a word...unsettled. It was my introduction back into the world in a way, and to friends that I knew in the past yet had stopped keeping in touch with as I began with my process, the reason being, was that they way they lived and participated within this world, was the way I was no longer participating in from the perspective of assisting and supporting myself to change and transform myself to stand as what is best for all, thus I parted ways with these people, as I could not longer live in the world “this way” meaning drinking and partying, and hanging out and not really ever getting to know myself on a level that actually made sense. So when I returned to Calgary I met with these people once again. Everything in the way they spoke I observed as a kind of code, like a fuzzy logic, where each point was preprogrammed and all you had to do was know the program to be able to interact within the group and within the code or language that the group had created for themselves. Specific tonalities were accepted, and kinds of jokes, or phrases, or different levels of sarcasm. Obviously it can be difficult to enter into a new situation and immediately get to a point of self intimacy or a more direct communication with beings, but I found myself, “sitting and waiting” allot, meaning, I experienced at times that very little was ever being said, and that there was very little direction, and so my sitting and waiting was because I usually had nothing to say or include as they spoke about whatever it was they spoke about. So I can say patients has been one of the points that I have required within my application of myself since being back, patients with others, not to expect them to be something they are not, or to understand where I coming from , but that if I was in there shoes, I would have not choice but to accept the group language and join the group to be able to live and exist in this world. So there have been a point of not allowing myself to go into judgement towards others for who they are currently existing as but to see the point for what it is, and that I cannot expect them communicate as anything other than systems as they live in the core of the system, within a big city. I must say though that this to offers one of the most enjoyable points that has opened up since being back, and that is, when the opportunity comes up to explain my perspective and communicate my perspective. I have thoroughly enjoyed creating the context for beings to be able to understand what I am saying and within what context I am speaking within. Because from their point of view they really have almost no context what so ever of where I am and what I have come to understand, it is quite fun to see where I being is and how to communicate to them from the perspective of how to create a context, a picture, a foundation for them to begin understanding and seeing what I am speaking about and where I am coming from. I experience that point as being very creative and very much enjoy that. When I went out treeplanting this was about a week or so since getting back, I found more of the same, that being, most people if not all of them were very much focused on drinking, partying, and sex or relationship. I spent each evening in my room relaxing after work and beginning with my process of writing to assist and support myself while back in the matrix. After numerous nights of this, I did begin to experience a frustration coming up inside me with regards to “how am I supposed to communicate with these people” from the perspective of I experienced myself as very distant from them, and each night after work when they all met to “get to know each other” so to speak, it was always within the context of drinking alcohol and getting drunk which I had not interest what so ever in doing, thus I found it “difficult” to “get to know” anyone. I felt distant and like an outsider in a way, yet at the same time, had begun to enjoy time with myself as well. I see the point of self trust within this point from the perspective of not allowing myself to trust the thoughts and voices that come up in my mind saying that I a recluse or isolated and just to remain patient with the process of getting to know others, who don’t necessarily stand exactly where I stand, yet are in my world, meaning there is a point of equality within that, within the very fact that these are the people that are in my immediate environment, and within this not to dismiss them even though on the surface it can seem like we stand worlds apart.