Dream Revealing Where I have Separated Myself.

Ok so I was just writing about a point which came up in a dream last night. This point has to do with how I have abdicated myself from certain aspects of myself and projected them onto/into agreement, where now what comes up is an experience of desire for, and yearning and wanting for an agreement or relationship, though within investigating and opening this point up for myself I see that what I am yearning for here is that “experience” that came up in the dream last night, though have separated from me within believing that this experience can only be had within an agreement and that I must get or find an agreement to fulfil me within my specific yearnings instead of actually “giving these points to myself”

There was a moment in the dream last night where I embraced, hugged another being. Within this, I totally let go, and really sunk into the experience of the embracing, hugging. I experienced the point from the perspective of as if I have/had been traveling, walking a great distance and finally got to that moment where i could just let go, and stop, and relax and breathe. Like I had arrived. Finally, and I can just for a moment let go. It was sooooo nice.

One aspect that has come up as I have wrote about this point is the aspect of how I have defined the point of relationship and agreement and what I have accepted and allowed me to believe about this. One element here has to do with an agreement/relationship making everything easier. Like its easier to have another being around. And also from the perspective of money where with an agreement/relationship, even this point of money and survival become easier to deal with. So from a certain perspective, the experience I had in the dream last night while embracing and hugging the other being had to do with feeling safe, and protected. Like a kind of hiding where I could, can for a moment forget about all the worlds problems, and even in a way, dump all my problems (abdicate my self responsibility) onto this being, and that they will make me feel better and make me safe and protect me and all this stuff. Fuck, actually allot of separation here.

I see that the point is to reclaim my power within these aspects that I have abdicated to the point of agreement/relationship, and realize that this experience I had within the dream last night is an experience so to speak, that I can provide for myself alone, and that I can stop projecting these aspects outside self, but rather start to investigate how I can transform my experience of me within the expression / application of self to include these points which I have separated from myself.

Self Honesty and Self Awareness in DREAMS

I woke up at 7am…mmm nope it was 8am. I woke up from a dream which kind of ‘startled’ me awake. Quite interesting to consider the point of Self Honesty in dreams and eventually at some point one will have to be Self Honest and Self Aware both awake and asleep. I see this where in one is actually directive if a dream come up and they are able to make Self Honest Decisions within the dream and no more accept and allow a dream to simply be “Happening to them”
This came up in my dream this morning.
There was this being in the dream who started to “lead me on” through moving sexually/sensually at which point “caught my attention” and I had this thought feeling/though inside me that I really should not be doing this, meaning participating with this particular event as I had already determined within myself that this would not support me but rather just further energetic mind addictions.
So when I woke up I started to consider this “other person” in the dream who is someone from my past being in the dream and manipulating me through her actions and movements. And so in the dream I “locked onto” the being and could not “tear myself away” meaning I had actually agreed within myself that I would participate. There was this ‘point’ though in looking at this whole thing that why would I have a dream like this in the first place. And also in the dream there was this thought I had towards the other being like “you shouldn’t be doing this” which is actually fascinating because look – In this moment, within allowing this thought within my dream I am accepting and allowing quite a deceptive point as first of all it is my dream. Secondly all that exist within my dream is essentially me. I mean if I really did not want that person to be doing that I would not have created the situation scenario in the first place. Or even so I would not have willed this point/aspect of my dream into existence. I have had this experience lately of me actually ‘willing movement’ in my dreams. This normally happen in relation to sex when sex present itself in the dream where all of the sudden I actually start to deliberately will and direct the dream and even the participants of my dream to do what I want where in I am actually directing the outcome of the dream within the dream to suit my Desires, which usually would mean me getting sex or something like that. So quite interesting because this actually show that I in fact am able to be directive in the dreams though at the moment, my directive principle of myself within dreams is to simply feed my desires particularly sex as I really do not “take over” dreams to bring about any other outcome other than sex – though it usually has to present itself first within the dream and then a “switch will go on” and I will like “come alive in the dream”
So was cool to see this point today of how I am not actually “subject to peoples actions in dreams” and is a cool point of Self Responsibility to get to a point of Self Honesty where one is Here and Selof Honest in Dreams as well. Though at the moment dreams stil just more or less happen and I am in them experiencing myself as if I have not directive principle but just move at the will of the dream.
So here it is firstly to realize that I was being Self Dishonest in allowing myself to imply that ones actions in ‘my’ dreams are somehow separate from me or independent from me and that I am ‘powerless’ to them, and that it is even a different person standing before me. I mean, I actually wanted to be seduced within myself in fact so that is why the dream occurred, no matter if I say I “this is bad” or “wrong” or whatever, the actual truth of myself, what I actually am existing as and holding onto and living and desiring within me manifest as the dream.

Investigation of Sleep And Dream about Art coming Crashing Down

So what is this “sleep point really” last night as I went to bed I experienced myself as being ‘more tired’ and ‘less here’ and usually when I experience myself this way when going to bed, it is likely that I will not get up in the morning when my alarm goes off but allow me to sleep in. This experience of self is simply me not directing myself but more like having already given in to the mind, and am more just “surfing along” in observer mode. And so this morning I slept passed my alarm and laid in bed not getting out. Just lying in there and drifting in and out of sleep. Instead of immediately directing myself when I wake up on the first breath, where I take a breath and direct me out of bed, no matter what I “would like” to do.
There is a slight resistance towards “my world” and so stay in bed as really this point is a point of me avoiding self direction. Like in bed is place where I am safe from having to direct myself, as its like a safe zone, and I just lay there like a zombie ragdoll blob not having to direct myself in any way but can just exist in the mind in dreams, and thoughts, and blankness. There is not responsibility while I lay there, so when I get up, I have to face responsibility.
Also I find a tend to drift in and out of sleep and dreams, and the very moment I allow myself to “close my eyes” and “drift back into sleep” I am essentially “giving me over to the mind” as I drift back into “my dreams” my alternate reality that is the mind, and not being Here within and as the physical in self direction.
But it is interesting to see the connection of this point of “sleeping in” to the night before where its like “I know within myself” that I will probably sleep in, and I go through the motions of setting my alarm and saying to myself I will get up, but when the window of opportunity arrives in the morning, I close it shut as to prevent and stay warm in my blankets. The warmth being a justification as to why I am not getting up. Every morning there is a momentary opportunity to direct myself into my day. It is very rare that I ever sleep in “by an accident” mostly I always wake up to the alarm and in that moment have the opportunity to direct myself or not.
So days when I direct me more, and am not “allowing the mind” but more directive here in my day to day actions of self, I find it easier to wake up the next morning and immediately direct myself.
Last night there was a section in my dream where I was standing on a roof top with my easel and painting equipment and I was setting up to make a painting, I was standing up on the very peak, very high up on this roof top and there was not allot of room to be up there, but I was ‘insisting’ that I be up there, and so I was getting myself set up and all of the sudden my entire set up slipped from the roof and crashed down to the ground in a big heap, smashing into the ground quite far below. I stood on the roof-top and looked down at those on the ground and realized that ok they were right when they mentioned that what I was doing was not so safe, where I had ‘insisted’ that it was fine.
So it was quite interesting this point within my dream, particularly in relation to the point of Art within my world. I mean the rooftop is exactly the same shape as the “A” in art where I stood on the peak of this rooftop setting up my easel and painting equipment and then suddenly the entire point lost its footing and came crashing down.
Art in my world has not stable footing. At least this is how I experience and perceive the point within me, and so the dream in a way is showing me “the standing” of Art in my world. On the roof top I had a high view of everything, and I was on top essentially and had to climb up the ladder to get there to the top. Standing in the peak, though there being not enough room, so having to be so careful as to not make a mistake and knock off my painting supplies, which eventually happened on its own.
Art is precarious
It is a risk
The place of art in my world has been quite an interesting process for me of late. As I see it going more and more away, where I do art much less, and from a certain perspective find it has not “practical place” within this reality. When I do art, my life becomes precarious, and it is a risk. Particularly as I attempt to utilize art to support me to generate an income and practically support me within this reality, In doing this I find my world becomes more precarious and uncertain , there is no stable footing as art does not support this stable footing within this world at all, which was illustrated in the dream as the “Art” essentially crashed down and destroyed itself, as there was/is simply not enough room for art in my world on the rooftop.



The Rooftop symbolizing “being on top” in the system. And Climbing up the ladder to get to the top where I can have a view of everything, and look out over the world and have a wide view of everything, and there is simply not enough room for me to “take art along” as it “does not belong” or able to also exist on the rooftop, on the top, as there is simply not stable point for it to stand.

So of late in my world, my focus has been on money, and business, and looking at the current way the system works, and directing myself within my world to be effective within the system, and no more focussing on art, and as mentioned where art is actually becoming less and less in my world. Where I no longer spend my “free-time” to do art, but am at the moment looking at art from the perspective of generating an income with it, meaning, the art I do will be in relation to a point of making money, and thus, art is becoming less and less, as it simply is not sustaining itself from the perspective of having any relationship with money what so ever.

So some interesting points in relation to Art (that which I apparently loved the most) basically becoming ‘non-existent’ in my world, and taking one final crash down.

Writing Self To Freedom – DREAMS

The first point I will write about is with regards to my dreams last night and one of the more prominent ‘themes’ that the dreams consisted of. During my dream(s) last night I had two occasions where I ended up becoming frustrated and angry, where there was this king of energetic rage that emerged from within me that I then acted on/out. I found/find this interesting because this is not a point which I have been noticing within my ‘waking like’ So in a way am surprised by the content so to speak of the dreams. In one scenario I was cleaning up garbage and there were a group of us doing this, and there was also a deadline in place, like we had to get it all done, now as I cleaned up, one of my bags ripped and the garbage began to spill out all over the place – Fascinating what I see now as I write this point out, is the garbage represents the inner self, what is on the inside, that which is hidden, and suppressed, and not seen, because as the garbage spilled out of the bag, it was noticed that I had placed a few things in the garbage that were in a way placed there in haste, and in not really considering points of common sense. In my house that I am living in right now, we have a place where we are supposed to place the recycling. I have been finding that I at times just through stuff in the garbage because I have defined recycling as a ‘waste’ of time, and not practical, so instead of taking the time to sort out what goes where in terms of recycling, I simply just throw it in the trash. Also because I am new to the house so often no one is around to direct me to the what goes where so I simply just throw the stuff in the garbage. Although I noticed that each time I do this, I experience an energetic charge. One point is guilt, where I see that in those moments of simply just throwing something in the garbage, I am being ignorant, and simply not taking the time or consideration to just investigate for myself the recycling system they have in place because I am sure that if I just put in that “extra effort” that I could actually figure it out, and place the garbage in the necessary piles. So the guilt is related to believing that I am being dishonest. That I am not doing “the right thing” by not recycling everything, and that I am “not taking others into consideration. I also have built up quite a belief system about recycling being useless, not practical, poorly organized, and something that people who are mind controlled do and that they are actually not aware of the implications or are in understanding of what the “action of recycling” actually implies or entails, but that they simply do it because they “believe” it is “good for the environment” and that if you don’t do it, “you are bad”  So part of my energetic reaction/experience which comes up in relation to recycling is that I actually see myself as bad where in I have also formed a belief that recycling is “good” and that if I don’t do it I am being harmful to the environment. Or simply that if I don’t do it, I am actually ignoring the obvious common sense of recycling, and then justifying it by “claiming it is of no use” when in fact it is obvious common sense to recycle. So Part of the point is actually “not knowing” actually what the outflow/consequence of recycling or not is, and in fact if it is “Best for All”. The other point within this is that I often just simply throw stuff in the Garbage because I don’t want to spend the time investigating the point, because I am too busy, as if I do not have time for it, like something I have been “putting off” so to speak, or procrastinating on. Obviously, because it represent a point that Is still directing me from the perspective of that “ I do not understand all of the implications of it” Or have even taken the time to consider, or do research on. Some people are insistent on it! And this is another point within my experience of recycling. It is the rules of the house. And within myself I experience a kind of contempt at or towards those for enforcing a “rule” so vehemently but they themselves do not actually understand, and this content kind of emerge from within me for following rules simply to please other. So from this perspective the ‘contempt’ and frustration I can look at in relation to myself where in I am frustrated with myself for allowing myself to blindly follow rules simply to please the others, and satisfy the accepted standards of the system. So I see within this a point of blame where I am still harbouring resentment, like an inner anger, aggression, hostility towards “the system” for implementing arbitrary rules which actually not based in understanding and then enforcing these rules as if they are actually TRUE, and then insisting that they are true, regardless of if they are not, and in this whole process, simply ‘wasting’ the time of myself and the members of this world, by enforcing/imposing rules that actually enslave the human being into spending there time here on earth doing arbitrary acts to satisfy some “rule” which is not even based in common sense – I mean – What the fuck – Our time on this planet is limited, and I simply don’t want to spend my time doing something that in fact is not required to do as measure of equal and one life support in what is best for all. Because from a certain perspective then it is actually a point of suppression not expansion, where the act of recycling is a point of self suppression and life suppression – which everyone seem to believe is actually “supporting the planet and environment” I mean this planet is so fucked at the moment – What the fuck is the point of recycling, So we can make more useless consumer products so the individual can perpetuate their enslavement through supporting products which actually harm life in their creation and  function. The Act of Recycling is actually an Act of Ignorance, because human beings DO NOT actually know or understand how recycling actually work, and how it actually support the planet, or if it even is – What are we perpetuating through recycling and wanting to save anyways – our current way of living.  Who implemented recycling? Is it really an act in what is best for all – Or is it “worth it” – not to save the environment but because it is cheaper for corporations to recycle than to in fact extract the resource from the earth.  The Question – Is recycling an equality equation of 1+1=2 accumulating to what is best for all? Does anyone actually really understand the process of recycling or are you simply doing it because you “Believe” it is good for the environment, and then enforcing that “belief” which is actually ‘ignorance’ upon others, because you see yourself as “doing good” or being “a good citizen” Recycling is MIND –CONTROL, because no one actually really knows why they recycle, and what the act of recycling actually implies. I read an article which I will post here which at the end states “waste is a design flaw” – This is actually a pretty cool point because this is indicating that we have gotten the whole equation wrong and actually refer to the very beginning as the “Flaw” so to speak – I Agree – We must change the starting point, not just of recycling but of the entire system – so that if Supports All life equally and is what is best for ALL – Recycling as it currently exist is simply an outflow of a system that does not have the best interests of ALL in mind.