So I went again to my Studio to work on some paintings. To recap; I arranged to rent/share a studio space with a friend of mine so that I could make some paintings for an Art Fair coming up in 15 days. Yesterday was my first day in the studio and I basically did allot of prep work and getting everything set up and ready to paint.
So today I went back again to continue working. I have a few ‘ideas’ that I’d like to get done before the Art Fair but I will just have to take it one day at a time. Since I found out that I would have a studio I started keeping track of the ideas that come by placing them in my sketch book. I have never really done this before.
It is quite cool to be moving this point again. It has been soooooooo long. One main difference this time around is related to my participation with the Desteni Process. So my ‘approach’ is different. Last time I had a studio and was making paintings I was completely trapped in the ego and competition and for that matter, actually believed in the Idea of ‘Art’ – lol.
Art is just an idea, meaning – It is not real. Yes pictures and paintings and sculptures are real. It is the specialness and uniqueness and value that we project onto them that is not real. In art school everyone was trying to be “the next big thing” For me it was about chasing and pursuing the point of painting a masterpiece, though I had completely externalized and separated this point from myself and believed that to do such a thing would require some miraculous magical ascension of sorts – I was chasing after that magical point. Trying to find it, searching relentlessly for it, believing that there was some kind of Key that would unlock everything, (Kind of like how Politicians Promote themselves as being the ones to come a fix everything) . It was like I was racing after the treasure, wanting to get to it first. For me this treasure was this idea that I could paint a masterpiece and that to do this I would have exalted myself beyond the mear abilities of man and somehow transformed myself into something godly and superior and that my life and my experience of myself would forever be happy and wonderful and meaningful.
So it has been cool to have the opportunity to do some painting again. It is much more stable when I am not in a panic to become something. Or chase down and find that magic solution that will fix everything. Thus I see here the point with my Art is the same with my process with myself in that it simply requires consistent application and attention and thus will develop, equal and one to this.
In my past with Art I was trying to become something great, This time around the point is Equality. To simply assist and support myself in All ways possible to walk my process of transforming myself from a walking Ego only interested in Myself into a being that honour and respect life and stand Equal and One to all that is Here as Life.
It is not about being “better than”. It is about utilizing the tool of Art to support myself within my process of equalizing myself. And this is actually a cool point that I am seeing as I begin with this process of making paintings again. The point of how I can in fact use Art to assist and support myself with my process of Self Transformation.
One point that is quite clear at this stage is that my Art is always a reflection of Me. Thus it isn’t really about the Art per se, meaning, I cannot just try to make a ‘better’ painting. Before it was all about making the greatest painting, but I did not understand what this actually entailed. I did not understand the process of Self Correction or what I have learned within walking with desteni the past years.
I see now that the point is always self, meaning, I am not really working on paintings per-se, I am working on myself, and the painting is simply a reflection of who I am. Thus the point is to support self to stop the ego, and actually get to know and become aware of myself actually. And so push this point of “becoming real” so to speak.